


Bring Honour To Us All

by anarchycox



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angry characters, Angst, Dubious Consent, Dubious Morality, Finding your way, Like super canon divergent, Multi, Slavery, for me dark, hurting characters, more an au that takes places in SHIELD, the fall of SHIELD of mostly thwarted
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2018-02-26
Packaged: 2018-09-13 10:35:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 45,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9119869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anarchycox/pseuds/anarchycox
Summary: SHIELD has two divisions - Science and Operations. Nick Fury is in charge of it all. But not really. In this AU the Science Division is actually in charge and Nick Fury is a figurehead because the World Security Council understands guns more than nanobots. When a science officer reaches Level Five they are assigned a personal shield from operations. Only some of operations revolted, turned out to be HYDRA. Skye, who had been raised in the Science Division, caught wind in time and the fallout was much less than it could have been. But the Director of Science is merciless to Operations no matter the individual's loyalty. The only way to save an Agent is if they become the personal property of an Officer. Skye files immediately to keep Melinda safe and Melinda makes her first ever request of Skye:Save my friends.Save Alphonso Mackenzie and Philip J Coulson.Please.Melinda never says please.Jemma's shield Tripp had died saving her and Fitz from Ward who had rebelled, and Fitz has been gravely injured. They want nothing to do with anyone from Operations, but good thing Skye knows a thing or two about forging paperwork.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So here I am starting another wip because I'm a glutton for punishment. This story will be a lot more serious than some of my others, but it is me so there will also be lightness and fluffy times in there too.  
> There will be a lot of shifting POV and I'll do my best to make sure it is clear, but let me know if it isn't.  
> First chapter will be exposition heavy to frame the world, after that it will settle in.

"No, you can't do that!" Maria hadn't washed the blood off her clothes and needed stitches along her jaw. She was just letting it drip on her clothes.

"I don't see why not." Science and Tech Director Jordan looked at Maria with a sneer. "60% of Operations went rogue, compared to 10% of Science. Maria, you had a lot of bad eggs that you didn't notice."

"Deputy Director Hill." Maria said sternly.

"No, I don't think so." Jordan looked at her and turned to General Talbot. "SHIELD has been swept clean and we are officially taking over. I trust that you will allow us to continue our work with the complete restructuring I have suggested."

"Fury and Hill are out?" Talbot asked.

"Fury went dark before the attempted coup and Hill, while showing loyalty didn't see this coming so she is removed from authority, stripped of pension and left in the wind." Jordan looked at Talbot. "We will become primarily a research and development organization."

"What about security?" Hill asked. "While you all have weapons training, you would have all been fucking dead, if it wasn't for those of us who protected your asses. You keep hammering about the 60% went rogue, but what about the 15% that laid down their lives keeping you safe?" Hill looked around the unsympathetic table. "There are still over a hundred people who were loyal, who fought, what about them?"

"I'm sorry, but I don't see how we can really trust them. No a clean sweep of all of Operations is all that makes sense." Jordan steepled his fingers.

"You asshole, is this all because Fury once saved your ass and you hated that?"

"Hill, I'm not sure your presence is required at this meeting anymore."

"I'm not fucking leaving until I know you aren't going to goddamn execute the people who saved SHIELD!" Maria stood up and slammed her hands on the table. Her blood splattered over the papers emphasizing her point.

"The fact of the matter is Director, you have some very sensitive projects and the military doesn't have the money or manpower to take over protection of it." Talbot said. "You are just too costly and frankly dangerous for us to cover if public word ever got out about things in the Sandbox."

Melinda had stood at attention in the corner, beside Skye, her arm in a sling, but ready to attack. Her team, her scientists had been hurt and she hadn't seen it coming. Maybe they should be swept clean.

"No." Skye said quietly. Melinda had been at her side for three years and she had learned a lot about the woman. "Not your fault."

"I should have seen it."

"Ward fooled us all. And when it came down to it, you and Tripp kept us safe."

"Not safe enough." 

"Fitz woke up." Skye said. "There is therapy and -"

Melinda looked at her. "Simmons wants us all dead, and Fitz will never be the same, and we still have to bury Tripp. How does it all work out Skye, tell me."

Jordan looked over. "Agent May, I can hear your voice, but I am unsure why."

"My apologies Director." May's jaw locked and murder flashed in her eyes.

"Hey, you don't talk to May like that." Skye stepped forward.

"Officer, you have something to say?" Jordan looked to Talbot. "Skye is the one who cracked the HYDRA signal. Her intersession and actions are the reason the coup was largely unsuccessful. Her team will be rewarded handsomely."

"Ma'am, good work." Talbot said.

"Yeah sure." Skye looked at Hill and was the only one to notice her terror. Years of studying May had given her great microexpression skills. "We aren't killing anyone else. Not unless they actually harm us."

"Your team was heavily hit by the coup, and Simmons has released a statement to us demanding that Operations be destroyed."

"That is rage and grief talking, her shield died saving her life." Skye explained. "It is bad math and really bad publicity to fire, imprison, or kill the operatives who helped save the day."

"And how would that publicity even get out?" Jordan asked.

Skye just smiled. "I imagine a little bird would help it along."

Maria almost smiled at that. "The fact is that HYDRA is still out there. People with alien tech are still out there. You need people who can fight, who can protect you. Or you won't last another year."

Jordan waved a hand for silence while he thought. Melinda stood in the corner prepared to kill everyone in the room except Skye if the situation called for it. Finally Jordan nodded to himself. "Very well, you have a point. We expand the system as it is. If someone from Science is willing to claim ownership of a Operations Agent, they will be allowed to remain. Their only job will be whatever their owner dictates."

"You suggest slavery?" Maria was stunned.

"No of course not. Merely a more comprehensive application of the current system." Jordan's face was grimly satisfied. "No permanent injury may come to the Agent, and they are not to be used as a personal vengeance weapon, but they will otherwise obey their Officer with the whole of their capabilities. Anyone not claimed in the next week by a Science Officer will be let go of, permanently one way or another." Jordan looked at Maria. "It is this or a total sweep."

Maria looked at him. "HYDRA broke into our ranks, because all of you treated us like guard dogs, do you really think tightening the choke chain will actually help you?"

"I think that people like being alive."

Talbot looked at the table. "I want no part of this particular decision. I'll do clean up on my end, and hopefully we won't have much to do with each other in the future." he walked out of the meeting happy to turn a blind eye.

"Well, Hill?" Jordan looked at her.

Maria hated this, but she also didn't want to see people killed. "Fine. May I at least go to medical before I'm kicked out?"

"Of course." Jordan stood. "Thank you for your service."

"Go fuck yourself." Maria looked at Melinda and gave her a nod before stalking out of the room.

Jordan looked at Skye. "We thank you for your incredible work and have a reward for you."

"Oooh, do I get a cookie?" 

"We found several of Nick Fury's secret SHIELD bases. We are giving your team the one called the playground, you will continue your research and work to root out the rest of HYDRA. We will see about getting you a new shield."

"Like fuck you will. I'm keeping May." Skye looked at the man. "You don't touch her."

"Very well. I'll be releasing a statement to the division along with the paperwork to file for whatever shield people want to claim. There will be one week, after that, anyone unclaimed will be dealt with." 

Melinda moved over and hurried Skye away before she could argue.

"He's gone mad with power. He was always an asshole, but Jesus on a cracker." Skye was muttering as they walked to their office. "Going to keep you safe May."

"I know." Melinda sat there. "There is going to be more in that paperwork and it is going to be bad."

"Yeah. Say the word and you can run."

"Like you'd last five seconds without me. You've been kidnapped every time I've gone on vacation." Melinda winced a little and Skye made her take some pain meds.

Sure enough soon they received the paperwork to be filed for the keeping of a personal shield. In it, it made it clear that the Agents were really going to be owned and would in fact have tracking bracelets put on them, to make sure they didn't go 'dark side' as Skye called it. It also made it clear that prison or firing wasn't an option. If someone wasn't claimed they were dead.

Melinda and Skye looked at each other. Melinda nodded just a little and Skye submitted her paperwork. 

"I need to look into something. Can I have an hour?" Melinda asked.

"Go."

Melinda was gone until the next morning and when she came back she was pale and carrying two files. She sat next to Skye and handed over the paperwork.

"Please." Melinda said quietly. "You have to help them."

"Who are they?" Skye opened the one on top.

"My friends." Melinda pointed. "Mack. Alphonso MacKenzie. I thought he would be safe because he is a mechanic, but he first trained in Operations and qualified. He went on two missions and requested a transfer. But that is enough for the slaughter."

Skye winced. "And the other?" Melin da looked scared. "Melinda?"

"He's a ghost. He died."

"A deep cover mission?" 

"No Skye. He died. Not faked, not LMD - dead." Melinda looked carefully at Skye. "Fury wasn't as much of a puppet as all of you thought. Coulson was his good eye. Coulson was killed stopping an alien invasion."

"Melinda there has never been an invasion." Skye opened the file. The guy looked like an accountant.

"There have been three. Coulson was a part of stopping them all. When he died, Fury did some seriously questionable shit bringing him back and Coulson has been in recovery for six months. The Director has found him. He won't just kill Coulson, Skye - he'll break him apart to find out all of Fury's secrets." Melinda reached for Skye's hand. "Please."

Melinda never asked for anything. Skye nodded. "I'll figure something out."

Only days of pleas, threats, and bribes, didn't work on her team mates. Fitz was still too out of it to understand what was needed and Jemma was still so angry and wanted anyone involved in Operations dead, with the exception of Melinda.

One day before the deadline, Skye could hear Melinda crying in the shower. Skye went to her computer and logged in first as Fitz and then Simmons and had them file paperwork for shields. Mack was fine but Coulson was ranked high enough, Jemma couldn't claim him.

But Melinda had asked.

Skye took a deep breath and hacked the Director's account and promoted them all to Level 7, just high enough to claim the agent as a shield. She showed Melinda what she had done that night, because this could end up biting them in the ass.

The gratitude on Melinda's face totally worth it.

*********************

Two days later the bracelet rested heavy on Melinda's wrist as she and Skye stood on the balcony and looked down.

Jordan signalled and the 30 unclaimed Agents were summarily mass executed.

"SHIELD has been saved!" he shouted to cheers.

"No." Melinda stared at the bodies, people she had known, fought beside. "SHIELD is fallen."

"SHIELD is dead, long live SHIELD." Skye said quietly. "We need to get to the Playground. That Mack and Coulson of yours were being delivered there. I hope they are worth it."

Melinda couldn't look away from the carnage. "They are." Melinda let go of the railing and they headed for their plane. Hopefully it would be a long time before Skye figured out what saving Coulson was really about.


	2. Please, Call me Agent Coulson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the most part this chapter will be Phil's POV

"Mr. Coulson, are you sure you don't know where Fury is?" Victoria Hand looked at him.

"No, I really don't." Coulson looked around the room. "You'd know if I had had visitors." The SHIELD PT facility was nice but still fundamentally a hospital. One with a lot of security cameras.

"No word, any files, carrier pigeons?"

"What's this about Hand?" Coulson asked. "I was on the range finishing certification and then there were guns pointed on me and I've been confined since then." Coulson looked at her. "And why do you look so scared?" He had never seen Hand look scared.

"If you know where Fury is, or where information could be found about his secret bases, or projects, now would be the time to say." Her hands were gripping her tablet tight.

"Victoria, I'm the same level as you, everything I know, you know."

"That's not quite true."

Coulson didn't react to that. "Where's Strike Team Delta?" He knew Barton and Romanov had been sent off a month ago. They hadn't been supposed to know he was still alive, but the second time he woke up there they were standing guard, like always.

"Dismantled and declared enemies of SHIELD until they can prove they aren't a part of HYDRA."

"HYDRA. What the hell has happened while I was recovering from being dead?"

"A lot." Hand shook her head. "Fury is just gone, Hill is out and Jordan is in charge of everything."

"That tight ass? He'll cut our budget in half to feed his precious theorems."

"He intends to cut our necks." Hand snapped back.

Phil looked at her in shock. "Victoria, what is going on?"

She just shook her head, "I'm trying to save 100 people right now, Coulson. I don't think I can save you. But...if you talk, you might be able to save yourself."

"I have nothing to say."

"This time when you die, you'll stay dead. No Fury to bring you back." she warned.

He shrugged. "Always knew this job would kill me. I'm expected on a treadmill. They still worry that my heart will give out. It had only been a little stabbed."

Victoria walked out without another word.

Phil didn't let his shoulders slump, someone was probably watching.

He went about his routine, tried to ignore the panic, the disappearing patients, the palpable terror in the air.

Hand returned five days later, with Jordan at her side.

"Assistant Science Director Jordan, a pleasure." Phil said politely. He had seen their car pull up and had hauled ass to his room and put on the one suit he had. He was not meeting the man in sweats.

"SHIELD Director Jordan now Phil."

"Please, call me Agent Coulson."

"Agent is a designation that has been removed." Jordan explained. "If you are lucky enough to be claimed by a scientist, then you receive the designation shield of x,"

"I've always thought calling us shields was a bit cumbersome, difficult to inflect personal shield vs SHIELD quickly in conversation." Phil crossed his legs. He looked at Victoria who was almost...cowed. He noticed the security bracelet on her wrist. "interesting jewelry, not as classy as you."

"You see here the new system in action. I have claimed Victoria Hand as my personal shield. So rather than being called Agent Hand, she is Hand - shield of Jordan." Jordan smiled at him. "As director I could be persuaded that I need two shields, if someone was to make it worth my while."

"And what would make it worth your while?"

"Information. Information that not even Hill had in her rather detailed files."

"All my work was signed off on by either Hill or Fury so if you have access to their files, you know everything I do." Phil gave a polite smile. "I don't see me offering you anything new or helpful. Ever."

Victoria's jaw tightened and she gave him a pleading look.

"Hand, point a gun at his head."

"Sir, he is a valuable asset and we know he wasn't involved in the HYDRA coup."

"Shield you have been given an order." Jordan's voice was harsh.

"Really you should consider an alternate name, sword, hammer, bludgeon, angel of death." Phil didn't react to the gun that was inches from his face. "Or you could just stick with Agent."

"You won't plead for your life?"

"I won't ask anything of you. I won't give anything to you." Phil looked at him steadily. "I am an Agent of SHIELD, I'm well trained."

"I really would like you dead, you know." Jordan spread out his hands in a classic what can you do pose. He then reached into a pocket and pulled out a bracelet. "But it seems you've been claimed. And I would never go against my own rules. Your wrist please."

"If I refuse?"

"Hand kills you here and now."

Phil looked at Hand who was trying to communicate with him. He held out his wrist and Jordan slipped the braclet on Phil. "Funny that you were claimed, considering only 5 people even knew you were alive."

"I'll be laughing about it for years." Phil agreed.

"Your car leaves in ten. Good luck Shield of Simmons."

Victoria put her gun away and couldn't meet Phil's eyes as she left the room.

Phil looked at the bracelet. "Fuck, Nick, could use you right now." he whispered, though he didn't expect a response.

And there wasn't one.

************************************

"Welcome to the Playground, I am Billy Koenig, consider me your cruise director here." the man seemed friendly enough. He looked at his tablet. "You are Coulson, Shield of Simmons correct?"

Phil was really going to punch someone over that title. "Call me Coulson."

Koenig made a note on his tablet. He moved closer and scanned Coulson's bracelet. "Mackenzie, Shield of Fitz has also already arrived. Your principals are due today and Daisy Johnson and May, Shield of Johnson will arrive the day after likely. They were supposed to be here sooner, but some intel came through and they wanted to check it out."

"May." Phil breathed a little easier. "May is going to be here."

"You will report to your Principal first, but to May second as she will be in charge of all threat assessment and security." Koenig moved in closer. "If I may be bold, former director Fury spoke well of you, and under different circumstances this would have been your base of operations."

Phil looked around the building. "Under different circumstances, I'd be dead."

Koenig smiled a little. "I can show you around."

"I've got that Koenig, you deal with those idiots who think moving grenades and combustibles together is a good idea." Mack pointed to where a group were moving in boxes delivered from headquarters.

"Well, I know people who have lost Xbox privileges." Koenig sighed and scurried over.

"Mack." Coulson smiled and moved over. They exchanged quick handshakes. "I haven't seen you in what, 5 years?"

"6." Mack looked at him seriously. "I'm sorry Phil. I couldn't save her."

Phil blinked. "No." 

"Jordan has Lola." Mack's face was heartbroken. "Everyone in the motor pool fought, we tried to hide her, but he just swung through and claimed it as spoils and unnecessary expenditure for a shield."

Phil just nodded. "Show me where I'm bunking. Do shields get their own rooms?"

"We do. This is a pretty sweet place actually." Mack said. He picked up Phil's bag and they walked through halls, Mack pointing things out, until they dropped Phil's bag off in a spartan room, bed, chair, small desk. The only personality was the Captain America poster on the wall. God bless May, he thought. "Food?"

"Is it actually good? I've been living off of perfectly balance medical recovery food."

"Want a burger?"

"I just fell in love with you a little Mack."

"Awww, thanks Coulson, that hits me in the feels." They went to the kitchen and Mack fried up some burgers and found a bag of chips. "So what do you know about Fitz and Simmons?" Mack asked.

"Nothing." Phil said. "They never were involved in any work Strike Team Delta did and we were one of the few that weren't really tied to the science division. I know a little more about Daisy Johnson because I know May, but never actually met her. I tried to do some research on the plane, but it seems until my Principal gives me access all I can do on my computer is play Minecraft."

"Yeah, that's where I'm at, but at least I have a couple more rumours."

"Rumours can be useful intel."

"You were filled in about the coup attempt."

Phil fiddled with his fork. "I knew Garrett, we had worked together for years. I can't believe it."

"Well the reason he wasn't successful was because of all of them. Johnson had found their communications and they managed to plant some traps and get the right loyal people in place lead by Hill and Hand. Only they missed one. They didn't realize the agent assigned to Fitz, Grant Ward, was HYDRA. He tried to kill them, Simmons's shield Antoine Tripplet found Ward just as he knocked out Fitz and threw him into the pool. He was going for Simmons but Tripp got in the way. Ward killed him, and was about to kill Simmons to when May came in."

"Be that didn't go well for Ward." Phil smirked a little.

Mack laughed and clinked their beer bottles together. "You know it." He grew more serious. "Simmons got Fitz out of the water but he was without oxygen for several minutes. He isn't the same, but don't know how different. Figure my job is mostly going to be wheeling him around or something." Mack shrugged. "And keeping the cars in working condition. You though, you are Simmons's shield and she is..."

"Difficult?"

"I prefer focused." Simmons's voice was sharp. "And I know I didn't approve of shield's engaging in alcoholic beverages."

Phil turned in his chair. His first thought was she was way too young to be Level 7 Science. The second was that she was incredibly angry. He stood up. "Principle Simmons, we weren't on the clock yet and were just catching up."

"You are always on the clock, our clock." She glared at them. "We didn't want shields. I frankly want all of you dead. I don't know how we ended up with you, and more particularly an old man and that mountain of muscle."

"Well, someone must have thought we'd be valuable to the team."

"We are not a team. You are tools, nothing more." She looked at the table. "No more alcohol, and stay out of my way, unless I specifically send for you. I intend to pretend you don't exist."

"I need your permission for computer access."

"I'll get you access to cartoon network that should be about your speed."

Mack was offended on Phil's behalf. "Ma'am, I'm not sure that you realize the asset you have here in Agent Coulson."

"There are no agents anymore." Simmons walked out of the room.

"Shit, that wasn't fun." Mack collected their dishes. "I'm scared to meet mine now."

"Hullo." A scottish burr said quietly from the door. He was in a wheelchair, still very banged up from the coup attempt. "I'm me."

"Principle Fitz?" Phil asked.

"No." he shook his head. "just the one."

"Principle?" Mack asked.

He shook his head. 

"Fitz?"

"That one." Fitz smiled a little, it highlighted the stitches on his jaw. "I own you?"

Mack was very careful not to let his hands form fists. "Maybe we don't phrase it like that."

"I need zzzzs." Fitz hit the controls and the wheelchair moved away.

Mack blinked. "Okay, I'm done for the day. Glad you aren't dead like the reports all said, Phil. If I have to be in this messed up shit, glad it's with you and May."

"Same." Phil went to his room and unpacked his bag. It took him a long time to fall asleep that night.

He spent the next day alone. He explored the Playground and did his PT exercises. He and Mack ate dinner together and again Phil was in his room early.

At 2am he knew he wasn't alone. He turned on the small lamp and smiled.

"Hello, Melinda."

"Phil." she looked at him carefully. "You were dead."

"Only a little bit." he sat up. "How did all this happen May?"

He slide over and held out a pillow, taking a chance. May climbed onto the bed next to him and adjusted the pillow behind her back. It helped the ache in her hips. She hadn't been ready for a fight as intense as what they stumbled into yet. And Phil always had known when she was hurting.

"Hell if I know, Phil."

"I think I'm supposed to be more surprised Garrett went evil." Phil leaned back. "But somehow I'm not."

Melinda nodded, she had always hated him.

"Simmons said she and Fitz didn't sign up for shields." Phil looked at her and she looked back at him. "Seemed like she thinks higher ups forced us on her and Fitz. But that's not true is it?"

"They executed the 30 who didn't find scientists. And I knew that if you weren't claimed, Jordan would do worse to you."

"And Mack?"

"Couldn't let them kill that pussy cat." Melinda almost smiled. "Skye is a good woman."

"Thought her name was Daisy Johnson."

"She likes Skye."

"Fair enough." Phil stared at his poster. "This isn't right May." he looked at the bracelets on both their wrists. "This isn't what Nick brought me back for."

"What did he bring you back for, Phil?"

Phil shook his head. He wasn't even really sure why Fury had done it.

"Forget whatever Jordan told you. You are here to help me keep these people alive. We need your mind and your aim."

"Simmons is going to keep me caged."

"What did dying make you forget how to pick a lock?" Melinda stood up. "HYDRA's not done. Not out there, and not in here. And I need you, if we're going to win this."

"What exactly are we trying to win, Melinda?" Phil asked.

Melinda looked at him. "What do you think?"

"SHIELD." he said softly and she gave a slight nod.

"Welcome to your new home, Agent Coulson." Melinda said before slipping out of the room.

Phil looked at the lanyard on his table that didn't even say Coulson, just Shield of Simmons and wondered if there was anything even left worth saving.


	3. I'm Not a Leader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Skye's POV

Skye had thought about all her options and spent the two weeks since they moved into the Playground mostly in her office. Her giant, huge, stupid office. Seriously the space was for people with fancy titles, not her. It had multiple desks. And so many chairs and a wall that went up and down. It was too huge. She hated it.

But she kind of loved all the tech and Koenig and Mack had moved in for her. So she spent 90% of her time in here, playing on her computers, trying to learn everything she could. She had spent years hacking for SHIELD and clued in how little she actually knew about their own history, workings. She wanted to know how HYDRA could have been hidden and the best spies in the world never saw it in the people beside them. And she just knew there had to be a few more people lurking about. 

May kept bringing her food and drinks and Skye couldn't quite look at her. All she could see was the bracelet on May's wrist. It hurt to see Melinda chained like that.

Her wall beeped, startling her from her musings. She answered and Jordan appeared on her screen. "Director, to what do we owe the pleasure?"

"Is your shield available?"

"I can find her." 

"I'll call back in fifteen." Jordan signed off.

Skye hurried out of the office, it couldn't be good if he wanted to talk to them both. Skye checked Melinda's room, the gym, and the kitchen and she wasn't in any of those places. She ran into Mack, "Hey you know where May is?"

"Shield of Johnson is with Shield of Simmons in the gun range." Mack said formally. 

"It's just May and Coulson, Mack, I don't like those titles." Skye said.

"Yes ma'am." Mack gave her a nod and kept walking.

"It's impressive how you made that sound like fuck off." she called after him. She went to the range and paused. It didn't look like it had in the specs. There were the couple lanes but half of it had been converted into more an obstacle course. She watched as May moved through it, using walls kicking and punching dummies, Coulson behind her shooting. They moved together seemlessly even though Skye knew they hadn't worked together in years. It became a larger priority to read the files that were on both of them. They reached the end of the course and grinned at each other. Well Coulson was grinning, May was doing that face that looked calm, but was secretly pleased.

"May, Jordan wants to talk to us ASAP." Skye said from the door.

May nodded to Coulson and came over. They walked back to the office.

"You two, that was impressive." Skye offered.

"Not really, we were pretty rusty." May shook her head. "His situational awareness is a little weak from being out of the field almost a year and you can tell he's used to working with different people."

"Strike Team Delta."

Melinda nodded. "But it feels good to have him at my back again. It feels good to have him back."

Skye wanted to ask a lot more questions but they were at her office and the screen was beeping. Skye moved in front and Melinda took two deliberate steps back, behind Skye. Skye frowned, Melinda should be at her side. But when she turned the screen on Hand was in a similar position and Skye realized this was the new protocol. She wanted to throw up. "Director, here we are."

"Took a while."

"We have a lot of space here."

Jordan nodded. "We have a situation and I want your team to handle it." he held out a hand and snapped. Victoria put a file in it. Skye could hear the grind of Melinda's teeth. "It seems there were still a few HYDRA agents buried in the Sandbox. They caused a disruption."

Skye heard the soft,  _oh shit_ , from Melinda. "But sir, there isn't anything too dangerous there, the worst stuff was blasted into space."

"No, Ms. Johnson it wasn't." Jordan said. "Fury didn't believe in losing anything that could be an asset, this is the one thing that I agree with him on. But we currently have 3 alien artifacts and 6 prisoners missing. Those prisoners all had...extraordinary skills."

Skye paled and swallowed. "So you want us to find them, think of ways to neutralize the threat and then you send special teams in?"

Jordan shook his head. "There are no more special teams. This is what your shields are for. You are their leader, you will oversee the return of these assets. Good luck Johnson." the link cut out.

Skye stumbled to a chair and dropped into it. "We're not field agents. What the hell is he thinking? Fitz cannot go in the field. He isn't even talking more than 20 words a day. Simmons is hiding in her lab and just snarls at everyone and I know she has zero hand to hand and barely passed certification. I have what you've taught me and that sure as hell doesn't mean I should be chasing after guys who can what shoot fire from their hands?"

"It's a test."

"Of what, how we suck?"

"No." Melinda crouched in front of Skye. "He wants to see how you use us. If you protect us too much, you aren't using your assets correctly, but if it looks like you have let me or Coulson be in charge, well then you are weak and don't deserve this place and the role you've been given."

"I don't want the role I've been given. I want to sit on my computer and find the bad guys and then let other people deal with it." Skye was shaking. "I found one bit of code, just a tiny thread and now I'm expected to be this leader, they expect me to be Hand or Hill, or even Coulson, and I can't do that. I can't even order take out without a 40 minute debate." Skye tried to stop the tears. But she couldn't. Everything she had been holding in since the start of this came pouring out. 

"I can't do this. I can't do this." Skye kept gasping out. She felt arms come around her. It was the first hug May had given her since they had come to the Playground. "I can't even look at you in the eye and you have your own bedroom, and I see you so happy with Coulson and my two best friends are here but not really and now I'm expected to become a field agent and save the world." She felt Melinda pull her in tight and she rested her head on Melinda's shoulder.

Melinda's hand was soothing on her head and she was gently swaying. "Hush little one."

"You haven't called me that since -"

"I didn't think you wanted me too." Melinda rubbed Skye's back. "You took a step back."

"No, you did." Skye cautiously put her arms around Melinda and sighed when they weren't pushed away. "I saw it, two steps back."

"Fair enough." Melinda agreed. "Who are we Skye?"

"We're Skye and Melinda, like before." Skye offered.

"Can we be those people, after what has happened?" Skye felt the bracelet on Melinda's wrist press against her back.

"I'd like us to be." Skye said. "I want my Melinda. I want this to have not happened and be us."

Melinda ignored that a little bit. "You could be an amazing leader you know, I've always thought you had the potential for it." Melinda pulled Skye's head up to look her in the eye. "I know you can do it."

"I don't know how, can you show me?"

"No, I'm a second in command. I can think of options in the field, but you don't want me making the big plans."

"So how do I learn?" 

Melinda kissed Skye's forehead. "You use the gift I gave you."

"What gift?" Skye was confused.

"I gave you Coulson." 

"No, I gave you him." Skye thought about it. "Did you play me?"

"I'm sorry I faked crying." Melinda didn't look that sorry, "But I knew if we were going to survive what was coming, we would need him."

"You didn't know he was alive."

"Natasha had gotten me word, I kept it quiet, figuring he and Fury had some sort of plan."

"Did they?"

"He hasn't said." Melinda pushed Skye's hair away from his face. "Skye, learn from him, let him help and we might all just make it through."

"Jemma needs to authorize it."

"You are in charge, you can borrow him so to speak."

"Melinda, I'm scared." Skye admitted. "We aren't prepared for this."

"We'll have to be." Melinda tilted her head and kissed Skye. "I'm here. I promise."

Skye nodded. Melinda wiped away her tears. They were quiet as they got up. Skye went to the computer and opened all the files that Jordan had sent along, it was so much information.

"Prioritize. What is the worst out there?"

"Can't we warm up with the easiest?" Skye begged.

"I'll go get Coulson." Melinda left and Skye was reading.

It was a while before Melinda came back with Phil, who had changed into a full suit.

"Johnson." Phil gave her a nod.

Skye laughed a little, desperately. "Call me Skye. Please? And I'll call you Coulson?"

Phil relaxed just a little. "May said you needed me?"

"Prisoners and objects were both freed from the Sandbox, we have to get them back. I have no idea what to do." Skye put up pictures on the large screen. "Where do we even start? We can't handle this."

Phil looked at the options. "We start here, or here." He pointed at a gun and a man. "I brought both those in, they'll be easiest to go after."

"Because they are really minor problems?" 

Phil looked at her. "Not even a little. Can you shoot?"

"Technically."

Phil nodded. "What do you actually need from me Skye?"

"I need everything?" She could see him thinking.

He turned to May. "Is she worth it?"

Skye bit her lip as Melinda thought. "Yeah, Phil, she is." Melinda answered.

"Good enough for me. But when Simmons decides to be pissed at me being useful, you deal with it." Phil pointed at Skye.

"I will." Skye promised. 

Phil nodded. "Okay then, let's talk about Marcus Daniels." He gestured at the middle picture and Skye opened up that file.

**********************************************

Skye was on her bed, reading a book Melinda gave her years ago. It was falling apart, but she treasured it.

There was a soft knock. "Come in." she called out.

Melinda opened the door and stepped in.

They looked at each other and Skye shifted over.

Melinda didn't say anything as she crawled into the bed.

Skye put the book down and turned off the light. She snuggled into May's arms.

It was the first time the Playground felt like it could be home.


	4. 2am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jemma's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is important to see a bit through her eyes as up to now the glimpses of her have been just of rage and anger and that needs to be properly explored. This chapter has two deliberate different POVs and tenses though all are Jemma.
> 
> Also I know this is a story with a very small following, just wanted to say I appreciate each of you who is giving it a chance.

0200

Wake up.

Throw up.

Check that Fitz is still breathing.

Of course he's still breathing, you don't drown in your bed.

Run.

Run. 

You didn't run fast enough, you have to run faster, harder. Run until your lungs scream and 100 metres after that.

Throw up.

Go over reports on lab cultures, notes by assistants, pretend Fitz's notes make sense.

Drink a protein shake. Almost like food.

0430

Return to bed.

Muffle sobs into pillow.

Scratch your thighs until they bleed.

0630

Wake up and help save the world.

***********************************************

"What am I looking at?" Jemma scanned the notes. "I...this makes no sense."

"He's an extraordinary."

"Yes but absorbing energy, that's not sustainable." Jemma shook her head. "You must be wrong Shield Coulson."

"I assure you Principle Simmons, that i am not wrong."

Jemma waved a hand ignoring him. It was how she generally tried to deal with him. She kept reading. "He grew attached to a woman."

"He was a stalker."

"You used her as bait." jemma looked at Coulson. "I suppose a cellist is expendable, was she first chair even?" Jemma saw Coulson clench a fist and her breath stuttered. She hit the panic button on her desk. May and four others came running. Jemma was trying to keep her breath level, and Coulson had his hands on his head.

May looked at them. "Problem?"

"He grew aggressive."

"Were you in fear for your life?" May asked formally.

Jemma looked at Coulson, expecting to see rage. Instead he just looked sad.

"Does he need an x put in his file?" May pressed. 3 Xes and a shield was executed.

"No." Jemma shook her head. "No he doesn't. I over reacted." Jemma smiled politely. "Thank you though for your quick response, Shield May." Oh dear, May's face was hard at that. "Thank you, May." Jemma corrected. May was the one person she could trust. May would never do anything to harm or hurt Skye. And hurting Jemma would hurt Skye. But then she never thought Ward could hurt Fitz.

May looked at Phil and nodded and he put his hands down. "Skye has found Marcus Daniels. He's not our problem."

"He was apprehended?"

"Not quite." May looked at them. "HYDRA got to him first."

"He'll be a valuable asset to them." Coulson shook his head.

"Not quite. They cut him up to see if they could replicate his powers. We've collected his body." May nodded to them and she and the team left them alone.

"Well that's unfortunate." Jemma said bracingly. "Onto the next then?"

"I'm not going to hurt you." Coulson said.

"That remains to be seen." Jemma answered.

"Beyond anything else, it isn't in my own best interests to hurt you." Coulson explained. He tapped on the computer and accessed another file. "This is likely what we'll be after next. Chituri tech."

"I haven't authorized computer access for you beyond basic social media and games."

"Skye in her role as team lead authorized me access."

"You -" Jemma grit her teeth. "Of course, she is in charge. Good of her to give you access that can kill us."

"Access to my old case reports will hardly kill you - unless reading them bores you to death." Coulson smiled.

"I have work to do, go away." 

"Of course." Coulson walked away.

***********************************

0200

Wake up.

Throw up.

Check if Fitz is still breathing.

See Mack also checking on him. They get along, at least a little, lovely.

Not lovely. Mack can't be trusted. He'll hurt Fitz. Fitz trusted too easy, you will have to keep an eye out.

Run.

Run.

You didn't get as far as you can, as you should. Fool, idiot. Tripp will die all over again, saying your name. No he won't, you already killed him by not being fast enough.

Throw up on the machine. Usually you make it to the bathroom. Or at least the rubbish bin.

Coulson offers a towel. Swear at him, scream, you say horrible things, hurt him. He needs to hurt. He's an agent, do they even hurt? Ward didn't, not when he killed them. You leave Coulson to clean up the room.

Go over reports. Coulson reports. Perfectly written. 

Drink a protein shake. Almost like real food.

0430 

Return to bed.

Cry into your pillow until you can't breathe.

Pick at the scabs on your thighs.

0630

Wake up and pretend and save the world.

***********************************

"You give him too many liberties." Jemma was pacing Skye's office. "Do you not see how dangerous he is?"

"I see a man, who has been doing everything I've asked of him, without complaint and trust me, he should be complaining. I have no experience and ask really dumb questions. Plus apparently in gun training you aren't supposed to go pew pew." Skye shrugged. "We need him."

"We don't." Jemma protested. 

"We do." Skye looked at her. "Jemma have you seen what we're up against? We can't do this alone."

"We have May." Jemma began to pace. "We can trust her. We can't trust him. What does Jordan say?"

"Jordan? The man who decided slavery was a good option?" Skye's face was grim. "The man who I watched execute men and women who had saved lives? The man who's thrown us into the deep end of the pool to see if we drown?"

Jemma paled.

"Shit, it's just a saying. I don't mean -"

"You weren't there Skye, May got you safe. You didn't have your friend put their hands around your throat after they bashed their lover's head in and threw him in a pool." Jemma nodded a little. "I'm glad you can trust him. I'm so glad. But before you give him any more freedoms, you will consult with me. I am his Principle, and you will abide by that."

"jemma."

"We're done here. I'll be in my lab." Jemma walked away, furious. She scratched her thigh.

***************************

0200

Wake up.

Throw up.

Check if Fitz is breathing. Wonder if tomorrow will be the day you talk to him.

It won't be.

Run.

Run faster. Run harder. Coulson is middle age, you can outrun him when he turns on you. Ignore the other treadmill. But you go faster to show you are better than him.

He stops. Good you outran him. Make it to the rubbish bin before you throw up.

Ignore his stare.

Go over reports. Look into Coulson, prove he can't be trusted. You will not be impressed by his files and commendations. You will not notice how many times he achieved his goals with nonlethal means. 

Drink a protein shake. Almost like real food.

0430

Return to bed.

Odd.

No crying.

Score new lines into your thighs.

0630

Get up and save the world

*************************************

Jemma smiled as she looked into her microscope. "Success."

"With which project?"

"Don't step in here without announcing yourself." Jemma said sternly.

"My apologies." Coulson put a cup down. "Tea."

"I do not require this service of you."

"Or I could just be trying to be kind." Coulson chided.

"Fattening before the kill."

"Ward was an incredible soldier and he played all of you from day one and you never saw it. Two years he was with you and perfect." Coulson said. "It isn't your fault that you didn't see it."

"I am a scientist it is my job to see things." Jemma countered. "I should have seen something."

"He spent years learning how to act, how to be. He was trained by John Garrett, a man who was my coworker and we were for 15 years and I didn't see it." He shrugged. "My friend always says he sees better from a distance, he misses the up close details. You and I we see better up close and miss the bigger picture."

"So were they that good, or were you that bad?" Jemma asked. "And we are nothing alike."

"They were that good." Coulson looked at her. "I'm sorry you lost Tripp, he was a good agent."

Jemma's eyes filled. "He was." she took a deep breath and looked back into her microscope. "Please leave Shield. Do not return to my lab unless I call for you."

"Of course Principle Simmons."

Jemma dug her nails into her thighs.

*************************************

0200

Wake up.

Throw up.

Check if Fitz is breathing. Notice his hair is growing long. It looks good. You should tell him that.

You won't.

Run.

Run faster. He is faster too now. He's getting stronger. Harder to kill. Could you even kill him?

You stop before you need to throw up. You look at him running. He's in good shape for his age. And smart. You walk away.

You go over every every report you find on Coulson.

Drink a protein shake. Admit it is not like food and eat an apple.

0430

Return to bed.

Fall asleep.

0630 

Wake up and you feel just a little different. Almost ready to go save the world.

**************************************

"We need Fitz to design the gun, but I have the compound fully designed. Non lethal bullets." Jemma was quite proud of herself as she presented to Skye and May.

"Like rubber bullets?" May asked.

"No." Jemma shook her head. "Basically, they freeze the person shot."

"The icers you two were working on, you pulled it off?" Skye went around her desk.

"Yes. The person will be knocked out instantaneously, depending on size and strength up to an hour. But they do need a slightly different gun. Fitz had plans but I don't know."

"Go talk to him." Skye urged her. "We need to head out soon, we've got a trace on the Chituri helmet that went missing."

"You can -"

"Jemma, go talk to him." Skye smiled. "You aren't to blame. You should talk to him."

"I don't know how. He isn't Fitz. And we look at each other and it is all wrong."

"Try."

Jemma nodded. She made her way to the room Fitz had taken over. Or rather Mack had taken it over for Fitz. Fitz was walking on his own now, she was glad to see. His hand shook though. "Fitz."

"Jemma." He smiled and for a moment she could almost feel like it was before. "You look angry."

"I'm not." Jemma frowned.

Fitz looked at her. "Sad?" he kept staring. "Frustrated? Pissed or pissed? Or -" it was like his throat closed up and no more words came out. "You don't want -" he took a breath. "What do ye want?"

"I made the bullets." she tried to smile. "Finally got it fixed. But they need a gun."

"I didn't make that today."

Jemma looked at the mess on his desk, wires and circuits. "You have notes though, plans."

"Aye. Somewhere."

Jemma nodded. "Can I help?"

"Nae, I have Mack."

"Of course you do. Well I'll leave you be." Jemma smiled. "I'm sorry. For so much."

"Why? You didn't me hurt." Fitz frowned. "Ye didn't drown me."

Jemma couldn't answer that.

*************************

0200

Wake up.

Throw up.

Don't check on Fitz, he's breathing, of course he's breathing.

Run.

Stop running before him. Look at him. He has very good form.

"Teach me how to kill you." 

Oh you spoke, you never speak at this time. If you speak at this hour someone might see how insane you've become. What would the neighbours think?

"For when you betray us, I want to be prepared. I order you Shield Coulson to teach me how to kill you." Look more words.

He takes his shirt off. You want to run, you know you can outrun him. He is just like the rest.

"Last time I died, it was the spear of a god." 

You pause. That is the oddest sentence ever. You look at that scar. He's human. She reached out and touched. 

He flinched. She couldn't stop herself she pressed hard against the jagged line. "The skin of a scar is tough but also weakened. Another sharp blow here would be very effective."

"It would."

"Teach me more."

"Of course Principle Simmons." he puts on his shirt. They switch to the mats.

You don't go over reports. You've read them all anyways.

You drink water instead of a protein shake and eat real food.

0430

Return to bed.

Fall asleep immediately.

0630

Wake up and prepare to save your team.

***************************************

"Squeeze the trigger, don't pull." Phil explained. "Breathe out as you do it."

Jemma followed as he suggested and she shot the target. It was a nick of the shoulder, but better than before.

"Move your right leg back a bit more. Square your shoulders." Coulson picked up a gun. "With your permission Principle Simmons?"

"You may. You've been practicing since you arrived."

"Skye gave permission. I needed to be field ready." Coulson fired at the target. It looked perfect. "Still a little off. Dying really wrecks your aim."

"Your reports say you were dead for 42 seconds."

"That's what I've been told." Coulson shrugged and reloaded the gun. He shot again. "Don't exactly remember."

"There are gaps in your files." Jemma aimed and did better. "Both your field reports and your medical files."

"Surprising."

"Then why don't you sound more surprised?" Jemma put the gun down. "What are you hiding?"

"Nothing that will hurt you." Coulson smiled a bit. "And to be fair, I don't currently have access to all my files and some of them I wouldn't have redacted. Hill or Fury would have done that."

"I order you to tell me what you do know about the alterations and gaps in your files." Jemma said sternly.

"No."

"No?" Jemma was shocked. "I will add a formal x to your personal file if you don't."

"Go ahead." Coulson put his gun down and looked at her. "I'm not going to hurt you Jemma, in fact, I would die to protect you and not because of this bracelet but because that is my job as an Agent of Shield."

"There are no agents any more."

"I don't stop being me because a man with a stick up his ass and a cruel streak a mile wide says it so." Coulson kept his hands relaxed and didn't approach her. "But, if I hypothetically took the few inches that Skye gave me to run a mile, to protect people who matter more to me than anyone else on the planet? Well that is worth an x for." Coulson began to walk away. 

"I didn't give you permission to leave."

"So give me another x to go with the first one." Coulson looked at her. "What would you do to protect Fitz, to protect Skye? How far would you push?" He left her alone.

Jemma looked back at the targets and practiced for three more hours.

*************************

0200

Wake up.

You don't throw up. That's nice.

Run.

The sound of feet beside you has become comforting not terrifying. You don't run until you are sick, you run until you are satisfied.

They go to the mats. Coulson carefully shows you all his weak spots, how to destroy him.

"I didn't put any Xes in your file." You say as he gives you a water. Words still feel wrong at this hour, you never know what will come out. "I gave you full computer access."

"Thank you. I have a really weak pinkie toe, step on it and I am down for the count."

You giggle.

You don't remember that sound. It turns too quickly to sobs. You curl into a ball on the mats and sob. He doesn't touch you, you are thankful for that. "When you attack just leave Fitz alone. Please, just don't hurt him more. Please Ward, stop hurting Fitz."

"Ward is gone, Principle Simmons. May dealt with him." Coulson says. You listen to the words. You remember this is someone different. Older, less attractive, less cold. "I despise what has been done to us. I would love to punch Jordan in the face. But I will not bring harm to you."

"I really want to believe that."

"It would be handy for me for you to believe that too."

You laugh a little. 

Drink water 

0430

Return to bed.

Your legs are almost healed.

0630 

Wake up ready to save the world.

**********************************************

Jemma went into the kitchen and there were a few people there. Skye and May. They were looking more like themselves. Skye was touching May again and May was letting her. That was nice. No Fitz. But that nice Keonig man and a couple of the lab assistants.

And Coulson.

"Jemma you have to try these. Coulson makes pancakes that taste like cinnamon buns." Skye tried to hide a burp. "I've had five."

"You've had six." May said. "And you'll need a tummy rub later."

Skye grinned. "Seems win win to me."

May hid a smile behind a piece of toast.

Jemma wondered if this is what their normal looked like now.

"Principle Simmons would you like some breakfast?" Coulson looked at her. "Not poisoned I swear."

Simmons could feel everyone's eyes on her. It hurt to be looked at. "I don't require this of you."

"See, that's the fun thing. Sometimes I like to do stuff for people, because I like to do stuff for people." Coulson took a sip of coffee. It was a Grumpy Cat mug. "And it would be mean to make myself pancakes and not share."

"Jemma." Skye hissed.

"Two pancakes would be nice thank you."

"You are welcome Principle Simmons." Coulson turned back to the griddle. 

"Just Simmons is fine." Jemma offered. She rolled her eyes a little as Skye gave her a hug.

"Simmons." Coulson agreed. His shoulders rested easier. 

They really were fantastic pancakes.

****************************************

0200

Wake up.

You don't throw up.

You don't check on Fitz.

You don't run.

You don't read reports.

You just fall back asleep.

 


	5. Dry Shampoo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A combination of Fitz and Mack POV

Fitz stared at the shower door. He wrapped up the cast on his arm and checked the temperature. It was the right level of hot and it seemed there was perfect water pressure here. He took one step in and had to back out. He began to breathe heavily. He hadn't had a shower. Since.

Since.

Not a bath either, though to be fair he hadn't had a bath since he was 12 and sprayed by that skunk.

He had been making do with sponge baths, washing his hair in the sink, even baby wipes.

But just as Jemma had been running at 2am, he couldn't handle water all around him. He wished it was just about the drowning, of the dying, or near enough dying. Only when he looked at the glass he thought of all the times Ward had joined him in the showers, all the times they had kissed under the water. All the touches and that one time they even broke a shower door in a hotel. Ward had loved shower sex and Fitz had loved Ward.

And Ward had hit him and thrown him in the pool and now water sickened him.

He was almost thankful talking was difficult, easy to avoid any questions. He soaped up a washcloth and scrubbed down. He walked slowly back to his room and put on an over large sweater, one that fit over the cast. He'd be happy when it came off next week.

Or perhaps not, then they'd expect more of him. They'd expect him.

He wasn't him.

He needed coffee.

Fitz made sure the room was empty and got a cup before heading to his little corner in their new place. He was generally left alone there. He liked it.

But today he was feeling...lonely.

Jemma and Skye had left, taken their shields and were exploring some rumours. He had offered them his shield for extra support but Skye had said no, that it wasn't yet time for an unaccompanied shield to be out.

Fitz thought about mentioning he could come along, but he knew what the reaction would have been.

He stood up and went to the tables at the front of the room. "What are you working on?" he asked a couple of the junior scientists. They jumped and panicked. He sighed. He walked past them as they all scrambled to say something. He found himself walking to the garage area and found Mack working on a motorcycle.

Fitz leaned against the wall and watched.

"Enjoying the view?" Ward asked beside him. 

Fitz didn't answer, he tried not to whenever Ward appeared.

"He seems in decent shape." Ward did that frowny nod thing he did.

"He's in brilliant shape, better than you." Fitz shot back. Shit, he was trying to not talk to the man. "Ye are a figment of my bashed in head, which you did by the way."

"I did." They both watched Mack work. "He can't keep you safe you know. You'll never feel safe again."

Fitz tried to ignore it.

"I am sorry it came down to this. I did like you."

"No ye didn't. If ye had, you wouldn't have tried to kill me."

Ward looked at him. "Fitz, if I had wanted you dead, you'd be dead. Take a shower."

Fitz looked sharply over, but the apparition had disappeared.

"Principle Fitz?" Fitz ignored it staring where Ward had been. "Principle Fitz?"

"What?" Fitz yelled.

"You were talking to yourself." Mack looked at him concerned. "Hey, everyone does it, but you looked angry."

"It's nothing." Fitz said firmly.

Mack nodded. "Is there something you needed Principle?"

"I thought that was a no no. Skye said."

"You haven't though, and figure I'm safer playing by the book."

"I did." Fitz frowned. "Words when we met. I said Fitz."

"Yes but -"

Fitz shook his head. "Me Fitz."

"You Fitz, Me Mack?"

"I thought it was Mack, that's what May said. Why Me Mack?" Fitz felt a little lost.

Mack laughed a little "Sounded a little Tarzan there Fitz."

"Oh." Fitz frowned. "Words are..."

Mack nodded. "Hear you got your egg scrambled a little."

"Scrambled, yes." Fitz snapped his fingers. "Words are scrambled. All in there, but they don't come out."

Mack thought about it. "So your brain is still going at the speed I've heard about, but you can't match words or your body to it." Fitz nodded. "Well that's bullshit."

"You said it." Fitz looked around. "Quiet."

"There's a dozen people working."

"I don't know them."

"You don't know me either." Mack said quietly.

"But your mine." Fitz shrugged. 

"So says the bracelet." Mack agreed. He looked at the scientist. He was just a mess. And smelled just a little. "You able to tell the difference between tools?"

Fitz rolled his eyes.

"Come on then, you can hand me wrenches Turbo." Mack swore in his head, the man might have said Fitz was okay with a nickname. But Fitz didn't say anything, just moved over to the toolbox and began to poke with the hand not in the cast.

***************************

"Shouldn't Simmons or Skye be here with you?" Mack was trying not to fidget but he was still a bit nervous around Fitz. The scientist seemed so breakable, vulnerable. At least they were at the Playground, there was some comfort to that.

"I need you." Fitz said.

"Why?"

"Leopold Fitz has a habit of not responding well to doctors." the other man in the room explained. "Frankly you are here as pure muscle to hold him in place while I cut the cast off. Then I'll be checking on Coulson, make sure he hasn't overdone his recovery."

"He runs secretly at 2am, with Jemma."

"Well, as long as that is his main workout, I don't see a problem." the doctor explained. He looked at the two men. "That isn't his only work out is it." They shook their heads. "I'll deal with that after you." The doctor moved efficiently checking weight and blood pressure, asking questions.

Fitz tried but halfway through his throat closed up and words wouldn't come. 

Mack stepped forward a little and filled in some blanks.

"Well then, I have a list of exercises that may help you both for your hand and arm, and your aphasia. We'll check on that again in three months. But for now the cast."

Fitz watched the doctor pull out the saw and tried to bolt. Mack's giant hands settled on his shoulders. "Your hands are stupid."

"They are actually quite clever, Turbo, least that's what all my partners say." Mack looked down. "Your hair is looking a little rough there. Not conditioning enough?"

Fitz made a face.

"Fitz?" Mack asked. 

Before he could press what that face was about, the doctor came over. "Shield of Fitz, would you please hold his arm up and steady for me?"

Fitz gave a small nod and Mack moved a bit. His fingers were rough. 

Ward had had callouses, but they had been from his guns, these felt different. Fitz looked over and Ward waved at him from the corner. He heard the saw and as much as he hated acknowledging Ward he looked over to avoid watching the work.

Mack watched the doctor carefully, making sure that he didn't screw up, though he'd imagine working for SHIELD cutting off casts was common. He cracked the cast off and Fitz winced as it tore at the fine hairs on his arm.

Mack looked at the arm, pale, even for the Scot, bit thin looking, wrinkly, and smelly as fuck. "Bet you are looking forward to a shower where you don't have to wrap up your arm first."

"Aye." Fitz looked at his arm. "Is it?"

"The bone is healed, but how well your fingers work? I would suggest doing the exercises." The doctor said kindly. "Time will tell." He wrapped the cast in a bio hazard bag and threw it away. "Now I have to go yell at Coulson. You'd think he would have learned after the first time he died." The doctor left them to go yell at his other patient.

"Looks good Fitz, but I always did like your skin." Ward said.

"Shut up."

"Turbo?" Mack looked at the man. 

"Sorry. I uh..." he could tell his shield that his previous shield was being shirty.

"Bet you had wanted to say that to the cheerful doctor and it just came out too late, huh?"

"Something like that." Fitz looked at Mack. "Do you kill people?"

"I have." Mack stared back. "You asking if I'm planning to kill you?"

"No, not Jemma, not making anger." Fitz gestured with his hand.

"Focused, centre, growing?"

Fitz shook his head and snapped his finger and made a circle in front of his body.

"External?"

"Yes, that's it." Fitz smiled for a moment but it fell. "She is lashing at everyone, though a bit less since she's been learning to fight. But asking if you are going to kill me, that would be what she does."

"And what do you do?" Mack asked.

"Say that if you do, get it right and finish the job."

Mack took a step back. "Wow, Turbo."

Ward shook his head in the corner. "Told you babe, wasn't trying to kill you, not really, I loved you too much."

"I can't be in here." Fitz muttered and walked out. He went to the bathroom and turned on the shower. He managed to get the mended arm under the water for a minute to gently wash it before he had to pull away.

*********************************************

He woke up as he always did when Jemma checked on him at 2am. He thought about inviting her in, to cuddle and talk like in the academy when they would stay up all night and bounce ideas off each other. But he wasn't so good at bouncing back these days. But it was one of the mornings where he couldn't go back to sleep. Maybe a cuppa would help. He went to the kitchen and heard some noise. He investigated and saw Mack playing video games.

"So ye do kill people."

"Space monsters ain't people." Mack didn't look up from the screen. "Sit your ass down, Turbo and help a man out. I'm pinned down."

"I don't know how to play." he looked down at the tremor in his hand.

"Read the files that doc gave you, this will help your coordination and focus. And funner than a stress ball." Mack paused the game and looked over. "Or you could join Simmons and Coulson in the gym for their weird how to kill each other lessons."

Fitz got his tea and sat beside Mack. "How do I?"

"Stick to walk and change camera angle. This button to fire, this button to duck." Mack turned the game back on and Fitz died almost immediately. He laughed gently at him. 

They played for an hour only muttering at the game. Fitz felt oddly calm.

"Do you ever talk to someone you know isn't there?" Fitz blurted out.

"Sure." Mack said easily. "When I'm stumped by a car, I'll talk it out like my brother is beside me."

"But you don't see him."

Mack is quiet. "No, I don't see him. You seeing someone, Turbo?"

"Can't have that answer on the record." Fitz looked at him. "Can't be actually crazy. Then they might take you away."

"And you don't want me gone?"

Fitz shrugged. "I know ye are safe with me."

"I thought in the new regime it was my job to keep you safe." Mack said.

"You're different than Ward."

"Well I'm not a homicidal Nazi, so yeah, think I have a leg up on the guy."

"I loved him."

"Crap." Mack winced.

"Yup." Fitz agreed. "He had charm. You don't. Like you tell me I smell, he wouldn't have done that, he would have charmed me into the shower."

Mack put the controller down and turned off the screen. "You're scared of showers right now."

"Aye."

"You got fucked over by all of this most of all, didn't you Turbo."

"I'm still alive?" Fitz looked at him. "I'm not me, but I'm here, so better than some, better than lots."

"You're a weird one Fitz, but guessing you were that before too."

"What they said." Ward had said it, though he had always followed it with a kiss.

"I can deal with weird." Mack nodded. "But you should get more rest. Think we'll all be hitting the road soon."

"They don't want me along."

"But you want to go along."

"Yes." Fitz whispered.

"Then we'll figure it out." Mack said. 

"You don't hate me?"

"You're kind of hard to hate Fitz. Hate the system, would tear it apart with my hands if I could. But you? Nah." He ruffled Fitz's hair which was just a little greasy.

Fitz flinched away from the touch and hurried away.

Mack frowned and thought about his Principle. Fitz wasn't like Jemma who was pushing her shield, or Skye who was burying herself in the missions. Fitz was internalizing all his pain and fear. It was going to end badly. And Mack realized he really didn't want anything bad to happen to Fitz.

*************************************

A few mornings later, Skye was briefing them. They found the Chituri helmet that had gone missing from inventory and would all be heading out. Including Fitz. 

"Everyone hit the showers and pack a bag, this could take a couple of days." Skye said, dismissing them.

Fitz went to the bathroom he used and turned the water on. He stared at it as steam rose. He needed a shower. He delayed by brushing his teeth again and only then noticed the bottles on the counter. Spray in dry shampoo and no rinse body wash. He could have wept. He read all the instructions and when he was finished was actually feeling pretty good.

He packed his bag and met everyone at the bus. It would be his first time in the plane and he had to admit it was well appointed. He was intrigued by the small lab. He noticed Jemma loading shelves. "Hey Jemma thanks for the new soap."

"New soap?" she looked at him in confusion. 

Right, they weren't who they had been. It wouldn't have been her.

Fitz went to stow his bag in his assigned pod. There was a bar. Ward was leaning on it. He was strangely easy to ignore.

He went back down to see Mack drive an SUV aboard. The man stepped out and smiled at Fitz. "Smelling good, Turbo."

Of course.

"Thanks, Mack." 

"Think we can hook an Xbox up to that big screen in the conference room?" Mack asked.

"I got us DSes." Fitz admitted. "Easier for travel."

"Knew that brain of yours was top notch, Turbo." Mack grinned. "I need to load up some grenades. Wanna help."

"No." Fitz answered. But he sat on the steps and watched Mack work.

Ward didn't bother him this time.


	6. Flying and Falling are Different

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil POV mostly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am using the bones of a s1 episode here but rather twisting it to suit my needs.

Phil walked around the large plane. It felt right. Nick had done a good job on it. Designed it to Phil's dreams. Phil ran his hands over any surface he could and looked at the command centre that could have been his. But Skye was learning fast. He went up to the cock pit. "This suit you May?" he asked as she was looking at all the instruments.

"Fury always was good at putting together transportation." May looked at him. "You doing okay?"

"Can't miss what never was."

"They still don't understand who you were."

"Better that way." Phil said.

"Is it?"

"I need to find a bunk." Phil nodded to her and left. He ran into Jemma outside the bunks.

"Crew quarters are over there." she pointed.

"I'll take one of these bunks." Phil answered, pointing at the small cubicles.

Jemma nodded. "I'll be spending my time in the lab, going over the notes we have on this artifact."

"I can be of assistance." Phil offered. He wasn't sure he wanted to be alone here, with all the promise of what could have been.

"I'm fine. Fitz and I need to get back to working together again." Jemma looked at him. "You are free to occupy yourself Coulson. Maybe ask Mack to play video games."

"Thank you Simmons." Phil dropped his bag onto a bed and went to the galley. He needed a coffee.

May came over the comms. "Wheels up in 10."

Phil went and strapped himself into a seat. Skye sat beside him. "Once we are at height I want you to tell us everything you know about what we're looking for."

"You've read the reports." Phil looked at her. 

"You have knowledge of how it feels, what it does." Skye looked at him. "Not putting us in the field with less than all the knowledge we have." 

"Of course." Phil looked at his hands. "Your mobile command centre is great."

"I know right?" Skye looked around. "I didn't even know Shield had these."

"This. Singular." Phil explained. "There's only one Bus."

"Why did Fury have this made?"

"Because his other major plan fell through." 

"What plan was that?" Skye was curious.

Phil shook his head. "It doesn't matter and even if it did, you don't have the clearance."

"I don't have the clearance?" Skye's jaw dropped. "I have access to everything."

Phil laughed harshly. "You really think Jordan hasn't blocked things? You really think he's found everything?" He shook his head. "Skye, there is more to SHIELD than anyone person can ever find, no matter how good they are at digging."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yes."

He watched Skye unbuckle and go get a laptop. He smirked a little, knowing she wouldn't find anything. Soon enough May had put on the autopilot and they were all gathered around the command centre. Skye was supposed to be leading the briefing but had her nose buried in her computer.

"Phil?" May asked. She stared at him and he shook his head just a little and she kept staring. The silence in the small group grew awkward as they faced each other.

"Coulson just tell us what we need to know." Jemma finally said sharply. Ordered.

"Of course Principle Simmons." Coulson stepped around the table and touched it. A picture came up. "During the Chituri invasion we were careful to gather all the pieces of armor and weaponry, but a couple pieces went missing."

"What invasion?" Fitz asked. "Wouldn't it have been on the news?"

"We kept it quiet." Phil pulled up some video. They all watched it.

"Is that you?" Jemma asked stunned. "You are -"

"Competent, though you still drop your one shoulder too much." May said. "Look how Barton's arrow saved you there."

"Hawkeye always has my back." 

"Had." Jemma said gently. "He and Black Widow are classified as likely KIA."

Phil smiled a little. "They are as dead as Fury is."

Jemma was a little worried about him. "Well, exactly."

Melinda shook her head. "Simmons."

"What?" Jemma looked at the group but most seemed lost like her.

"Fury isn't dead." Phil explained.

"There was a body, he died on the table." Jemma protested.

Phil moved on. "So the Chituri, a god basically release a small force onto the planet as a test case for a full invasion." Phil put a few different videos up. "We managed to stop them, but it took a toll." He paused the video where he was stabbed through the chest. He tried to stare at it objectively. 

"Jesus, Phil." Mack said.

"Sorry, didn't meet him." Phil turned those photos off and flipped it just to the missing helmet. "Now this is what we are looking for. We don't understand fully why their armor is charged the way it is, otherworldly metal, how it interacts here, but it killed two agents who touched it with bare skin." He showed video of them where metal objects started flying around them, until they became an electricity bomb themselves and exploded. "And now it is out there and has killed three more. We need to get it contained." he looked at his principle. "Simmons?"

"I have gloves for all of us, that should protect us from the effects of the helmet."

"Should, there is room for error." Fitz added. 

"We were very careful." Jemma said back.

"You going in guns hot?" Mack asked.

"No, somehow, this ended up in the hands of civilians." Phil said. "A fireman bought it, thinking it an antique helmet and put it in the station. No one has made the correlation between the problems in town and the helmet. We go in, saying it is stolen, confiscate it and move out quickly. No reports of flying metal, so if we are very lucky, no one else is hurt."

"Phil." Melinda glared at him.

He sighed. "Yeah Clint'd be cursing right now, I just jinxed us."

"Jinxes aren't real." Jemma stared at them. "You can't believe in that sort of stuff."

Phil just shrugged a little. "Talk to us after a year in the field."

"Goddammit, there should be a there there, and there isn't." Skye muttered.

"Told you." Phil touched her shoulder in sympathy.

"Don't touch her, shield." Jemma yelled sharply.

Phil pulled his hand back carefully. "Of course, Principle Simmons. I'll go check the car downstairs with your permission." 

Jemma nodded into the heavy silence.

Phil went quickly down the hall and could hear Skye yelling at her but not the words. He didn't want to know what they were. He was down in the cargo area and stopped to throw a couple punches at the bag. He thought he could handle it, he was sure that he and Jemma had been coming to an understanding. He threw another punch. This wasn't what he was brought back for. It couldn't be. He leaned against the bag. He just wanted to do the job like he had always done. Like he always believed in. He tugged at the bracelet a bit and it flared a warning colour. He sighed and went to check that the car was ready to go.

"I'm sorry." Jemma said behind him.

"You know?" Phil turned and looked at her. "I don't care."

"Coulson."

He felt so angry, he wanted to scream. Instead he was careful to hold himself relaxed. "Weeks now, weeks and I have made no move as a threat to you."

"Ward was with us for two years."

"I'm not Ward."

"We don't know who you are."

"I thought you were learning."

"A process that can take a long time."

Phil shook his head. "We don't have a long time. We have to be field ready within the hour. And you have to decide if you can actually trust me, listen to me out there."

"These are civilians, there won't be a problem."

"There's always a problem." Phil countered. "Will you obey an order I give out there?"

"Why would that be an issue?"

"Because I'm trying to keep you alive. And I have to know if I shout for you to get down, you'll listen to me." Phil wiped a hand over his face. "This is not going to work."

"We'll make it work, because civilians lives are in danger and you seem to be the sort to care about that more than anything. Get ready shield."

"Yes ma'am." Phil moved some bags to the truck. "I would never hurt Skye."

"Because she's the boss, or because of her and May?" Jemma asked.

Phil just repeated. "I would never hurt Skye." If she couldn't see that he would do it, because he just couldn't do it, then nothing he would say would matter.

They strapped in and soon Melinda was driving four of them to the fire station. Mack and Fitz were back on the Bus coordinating. The drive was quiet, tense.

"How do we approach them?" Skye asked.

"Simply, as honestly as we can." Phil said.

"That works?" 

"It can." Phil looked at Jemma who was putting the gloves on. "Ready?"

"Yes. I have gloves for everyone, but it would really be better if only one person handles the artifact. I've even put a double layer on." Jemma showed. 

Phil looked at the station, all the men were outside. "May."

"I see it." Melinda stopped the truck and they all hurried out.

Skye opened her mouth but Phil beat her to it. "The helmet?"

"He was just cleaning it, and then -"

"There is someone still in there?"

"Yes." a man looked shaken. "Our Captain, things started flying and then he ordered us all out."

Phil didn't think but just ran into the building. May started to question the team see if anyone else had touched it. Phil walked through the building and found the man in the kitchen, all the cutlery was floating.

"Hello." Phil said as he took a seat.

"You should get out of here." the man was sweating, trying not to cry. 

Phil stayed calm. "Rough day, huh?"

The man gave a watery laugh. "You could say that. Are the others safe?"

"The building is cleared. Just breathe slowly, we might still have time. I have some of the top scientists in the world with me, they've been working on a cure." Phil lied.

"I think it might be a little late." he looked at Phil. "You need to tell my wife, I'm sorry, and that I love her." Phil moved his head as a knife came flying at him. "Why are you so calm."

"It's my job."

Phil heard the door and turned his head. "I have the object." Jemma held up a secure case. "We need to go."

"I'm fine here." Phil said. 

"You have a death wish?" The toaster was flying now and hurtled toward him.

"No, but you don't...you should have someone with you as long as possible." Phil smiled sadly. "Dying alone is not fun."

"Shield of Simmons, I am giving you a direct order, we need to leave right now." Jemma said, desperate as the build up of energy in the room grew.

"We have more time." Phil insisted.

"No, we don't."

"Thank you for your kindness." The man interrupted. Phil turned to say something and watched the man put a bullet in his brain. All the flying objects fell. Phil hung his head.

"I'm...I'll just go get..." Jemma left.

"I'm sorry." Phil said to the dead man. He sat for another moment, staring at the gun before getting up and going outside. "The local authorities can handle it from here." He realized how he had fallen into leading. "With Skye's permission of course."

"Yeah." Skye agreed. They all got in the car, Jemma carefully stowing the case in the back. Melinda started to drive. 

"I apologize for overstepping." Phil said into the silence. "You are team lead."

Skye snorted about to wave it off, but Melinda said sternly. "You need to be more cautious."

"I know, May." Phil answered.

"But he knows what he's doing. I'm fine letting him be in charge."

"He has no authority, no credentials to lead if we were questioned." Jemma said. "And his recklessness needs to be curbed."

"So put a leash on me." Phil snapped. "That man deserved not to feel alone if even just for a moment."

"I don't mean -" Jemma began.

"I can't do this." Phil said. "Turn me into Jordan and let what happens happens."

Melinda swerved the car over to the side of the road. "Unacceptable."

"This will never work May." Phil said.

"We can make it work."

"How?" Phil shouted. "How do I go back onto that plane knowing everything, how do i go back to acting like a recruit on probation. I died saving the world and a woman half my age who hates my sheer existence needs to give me permission to take a piss." Phil looked at May. "How are you coping with this? You, the fucking Cal -"

"Don't Phil." Melinda warned.

Phil's eyes softened. "i"m sorry." he looked at her. "I get that loving her is what is getting you through. I don't have that. I don't even have all my suits, or Lola, or my team. What do I have, May?"

"I'm here." May whispered. "Mack is here. Victoria is still here."

"I don't know that that is enough." Phil closed his eyes. "Just drive, May."

May got the car moving again.

"So...awkward." Skye looked at everyone. "Phil, May says we need you, and I trust her. And you seem cool in a dad joke, lethal sort of way. Maybe give this another chance?"

Phil watched Skye give Jemma a pointed look in the mirror. Jemma was working on a tablet. Phil could almost laugh at how Jemma was ignoring them all. Skye coughed. "I don't want you dead until you prove you'll betray us." 

"Jemma, come on." Skye said.

Phil managed to laugh. "I actually take that as an improvement."

They made it back to the bus and Jemma took the case to the lab where Fitz was waiting. Jemma opened it and carefully lay it on their work table. Fitz scanned it and they were both talking, though Fitz was clearly getting frustrated. But they worked.

Phil approached them. "It should really be put away. And then encased in concrete and sunk to the bottom of the ocean."

"We're taking every precaution." Jemma said. "You lied to that man and said we had a cure."

"It was a comfort."

"But a good idea." Jemma answered. "If we can figure out what it is doing, we could perhaps find a solution. You said you found everything, but you can't actually be certain, some study no, could be valuable later." Jemma was getting more passionate as she spoke.

"Fitz, back away." Phil said slowly.

"I need his help, his scans will be invaluable." Jemma said. But Fitz was rounding away from her. "Fitz."

Fitz pointed even as Phil pulled him behind himself. 

Jemma turned her head and saw a caliper set floating. "Ahh. It seems my precautions weren't quite effective." she concentrated and the metal fell. "Get back." she closed the safety doors.

Phil looked at her through the glass. Jemma stared back. 

Fitz called for the whole team.

***************************************

Phil sat on the other side of the glass. "Rats are cute little things."

"I'm likely killing them." Jemma said. 

"May is getting us home as fast as she can." Phil offered. "Skye is checking in with the Playground and with Headquarters."

"That's good." Jemma took a blood sample from herself. "I can see it interacting in my system, but I cannot figure out how to isolate it."

"You will. You are brilliant." He meant it, May had given him Jemma and Fitz's files, they were impressive to say the least.

"There is a difference between theoretical work and the knowledge that in about 6 hours I'll likely kill us all."

"May will have us home in 3. Better lab, better resources. Worst case, we freeze you."

"Cryogenics isn't sophisticated enough yet."

"I know. I was trying to be hopeful." Phil watched a scalpel rise. "Breathe, Simmons. Pretend it is all theory."

"At least when you died, you didn't see it coming." she put down her blood sample. "I apologize."

"You know, I'm getting used to it. Especially when it is more snark than anger." Phil smiled. "I know champion snarkers. Just keep working until we are home." He heard Fitz trying to yell at Skye but his words were stuck as they came down the stairs.

Phil looked at them, something had gone wrong.

"We are under orders to not return to the Playground until such time as Jemma is either cured, or taken care of with no other loss to SHIELD assets." Skye swallowed. "Jordan wouldn't budge."

Coulson went over to a comm. "May."

"On it." was the only response. Phil whistled hard and Mack who had been standing outside hurried on and slammed the hanger door button.

"I don't understand." Skye said.

"We are going up. We stay on the ground a team will arrive to remove Jemma. They have our location."

"They'll just send some quinjets after us. They can track the Bus." 

Phil shook his head. "Mack and I removed all the headquarter trackers on the plane. Koenig is the only person who can track us beyond basic radar."

"I didn't give permission for that." Skye looked at Phil and Phil was impressed in the authority she was trying to convey.

"You can yell or censure me later. Right now it is what is going to keep my Principle alive, because if you think they aren't coming here to execute her, you haven't been paying attention." Phil lurched as the plane started to taxi. Soon enough they were in the air. Skye started to yell at Mack and Phil until they all heard the snick of the door.

"Fitz get out of here." Jemma said.

"No." he shook his head. "Ye need an assistant and I'll not leave you now."

"I left you." Jemma wiped away a tear.

"Well ye didn't get too far. Let's get to work, as much as I can anyways." Fitz looked at his shaking hand and straightened his fingers as much as he could.

Skye and Phil settled into to watch and wait, Mack went up to May. "You are so losing some sort of privilege when we get home."

"I recommend taking away my video game time. It will gut me."

"You don't play."

"Can you two shut it?" Fitz said to them. Phil quieted.

"Actually, Fitz, the background noise is useful. Feels like labs, everyone talking." Jemma looked at Phil. Her skin was pale, even more than usual. 

Phil nodded. "Skye, you find those files yet?"

"No." Skye pouted a bit. "I mean one thing kept coming up again and again, but then there was nothing."

"What was the thing?"

"The Avengers Initiative." Skye pulled out her phone and showed him the ghosts she had found. "Just that, nothing more."

"Good."

"Is that some of the stuff you hid?" Jemma asked eyes on her microscope. Fitz was poking at his tablet.

"Some, but mostly Nick and Maria would have hidden it. It was a failed idea." Phil shrugged. "A great idea but a failed one. You know we track gifted people, but Nick wanted to make a team, to fight the increasingly crazy stuff that happens. People who could take on alien infiltration, and dictators. Strike Team Delta was sort of a human test case."

"You telling me that you are a superhero, Coulson?" Skye teased.

"No, I'm telling you I was going to be the one handling them." Phil looked around the hanger. "This was going to be my mobile command centre. Nick didn't trust anyone else to corral that sort of group.  We did so much research even as Hawkeye, Black Widow and I trained. We put so many pieces in place."

"So what happened?"

"It just slowly fell apart. Tony Stark was the first."

Skye laughed. "You mean those Iron Man rumours? It wasn't him in that suit, it wasn't anyone in that suit, it was a PR stunt to sell more weapons."

Phil shook his head. "No, it wasn't." Phil leaned against the wall. "He was an asshole, you know. But god so much potential. And so much pain. And having Stone betray and fight him like that? He broke. Tony was smart enough to sign over everything to Pepper Potts and he destroyed it all, the suit, the schematics. No one could even begin to recreate it."

"He hasn't been in the public eye for a while."

"He's dying. The arc reactor saved him, but now it is slowly killing him. He's making his peace with the world as much as he can." Phil shrugged. "I don't look forward to burying him."

"Who else was on the list?"

"An exiled god." Phil laughed. "He was supposed to make himself worthy again and last I checked he is drunk in a bar in the desert. His brother was the one who let the Chituri into this world and when we went to get him to help, he was sitting in his own vomit and screaming to the heavens. We tried to find Captain America."

"The World War II guy?"

"Yup. That was a bust. And then there is Dr Banner."

"Who?"

"The Hulk?" Fitz looked up from his work. "You were trying to bring the Hulk in. Jesus you were barking mad."

"So you did meet Fury at some point." Phil never took his eyes off Jemma, it seemed she was putting together something. "It was an ambitious plan, even for SHIELD. When we realized it was futile we buried and destroyed the files. I would have used this plane for Delta. And then -"

"And then you died and fell into our brave new world." Skye said.

"Test number 1." Jemma called out and she injected a rat. They all watched it die in agony.

"Next try." Fitz said bracingly.

Phil watched the slump in Jemma's shoulders. It was the slump he saw at 2am. "How are you going to protect everyone from my evil plans if you give up now?" he said to her. He watched her head come up sharply and he smiled.

Jemma nodded and went back to the table consulting with Fitz.

"Coulson, how important were you on the agent side?" Skye asked.

"Not very, in the end."

"He was third in line. There was Fury, Hill, and then him." Mack said from above them.

Phil looked up at him. "I don't think I was quite that important."

"Want me to get Melinda to weigh in?"

"Victoria Hand." Phil offered. 

"Publicly yes, but you were the only one that got a plane built, everyone who knew anything knew you were Fury's good eye." Mack shook his head. "Everyone damn well knew it would be you as director not Maria when it came down to it."

"Mack, need you." Fitz shouted. "Words gone."

"Okay, Turbo." Mack hurried down and into the lab. "But I ain't getting too close to anything alien. Heebee jeebees man."

"Turbo?" Skye whispered to Coulson.

Coulson laughed a little. "Better than wannabe HYDRA like I get."

"She doesn't mean it."

"Perhaps." Phil agreed. "But my shoulders can take it. They've gotten used to some heavy weights over the years."

"Has anyone said sorry for what you've lost?" Skye asked.

Phil watched Jemma's hands still.

"Nothing anyone in here needs to be sorry for." Phil stood up. "If it's alright, I'm going to see May."

"Of course." Jemma said.

"Do you need tea?" Phil asked.

"I'm fine. Right as rain for someone who might explode." 

"Your lies at 1pm aren't any better than the ones at 2am." Phil walked up and went to May. "Any tails yet?"

"No." May was looking at the skies. "A beer says Jordan is leaving us be, wants her to take us all out."

"Sounds about right. Any word from Victoria?"

Melinda shook her head. "You really think they are out there?"

"We can't count on Nick, but Clint and Tasha? I have no doubt they'll find a way to us, to help." Phil sighed. "I just don't know what help it is we need." 

"A lot."

"Yeah." Phil stared at the clouds. "I'm sorry about before. Does she know about -"

"Not beyond the very basics. There was a mission but it went badly." Melinda looked at Phil. "Go on say it."

"She's different than Andrew." 

"Well yes he had a penis. There's one difference."

"Skye makes you happy." Phil punched her shoulder. He needed a moment of levity. "You have a sweet young thing keeping you warm at night."

"Haha. She actually runs pretty cold, need two extra blankets."

Phil laughed. "And she's okay with -" he cut himself off. "Sorry, none of my business."

"She knows I'm asexual and we're good. At least we were before this shit storm and we're working our way back." A light blinked. "Yes?"

"Second test failed. Things are floating a bit more." Mack told them. 

Melinda banked the plane a little. "We'll want to be over water, just in case."

"They still have one more chance. They'll figure it out." Phil said confidently. "Can I stay?"

"Can you be quiet?"

"I'll go to the lounge." Phil stood up and squeezed her shoulder as he left.

He drank a coffee and tried to read reports, still changing up on all the months that he had missed while healing. He thought it had been an hour or so when Skye and Mack came in looking ashen. Phil sat up and Mack just shook his head.

"May we need to get back to base now, get her on ice." Phil said after he hit a comm.

"Understood." The plane began to slowly bank.

"Fitz said they'll keep working." Mack was squeezing his fingers a bit. "Said the last test, was close the rat lived for a minute before -" Phil watched Mack's hands, they were always his worst tell. "He won't leave her while he thinks there is hope."

Skye was curled in a tight ball. Phil moved a little closer to her and gave her a hug. 

"There's still time." he said.

Skye ignored him.

The three sat in silence, in pain, until a shrill beeping happened.

"The hanger is opening." May shouted into the comms.

Phil was the first off a chair and hurrying below. He was at the catwalk and saw Fitz trying to grab a chute. He vaulted down and knew it was a sprained ankle at the minimum.

"The last formula - good." Fitz said, his bad hand was fumbling the chute. Phil didn't think just grabbed the chute and the charger and was already buckling it on as he jumped out the plane.

The wind hurt, felt like punches against his skin as he got the buckles snapped. It was so cliched but he was too old for this. He scanned the sky, trying to see through the clouds until he caught a glimpse of a darker blob. He straightened his body, streamlined as much as possible, hoping her flailing was slowing her down enough. He couldn't breathe, everything was agony but he was catching her. They scrambled to connect hands slipping off each other before he managed to grab her sweater and yanked. She screamed as it pulled a good bit of her hair. He was sure he'd hear about that later.

He released the charger against her skin giving it a three count to be sure and dropped it. He yanked the cord and hoped they were farther from landing than he was guessing. Jemma screamed as the parachute jolted them, but the wind took the sound away. He was grateful, it had been right by his ear.

They got lucky and had enough time to slow before hitting the water. May had had the plane turned for home enough that he could see the shore once they bobbed up and he cut the chute off.

"That was incredibly stupid." Jemma said once they had caught their breath.

"I was stupid?" Phil started kicking towards shore, but it was difficult to be a lot of effort into it. He mostly wanted them to stay afloat. "You jumped out of a plane first."

"I wasn't going to kill everyone." Jemma said as she began to help with the kicking towards shore. "If I had gone on the plane, it would have caused the plane to crash. Untold damage beyond the lose of my friends. That couldn't happen. It was a sacrifice."

"I know a little about sacrifice. There's no nobility in it." Phil's ankle was making itself known as the adrenaline started to fade.

"This angry person I've become, them losing her, it wouldn't have stung as much as if they lost the Jemma they knew."

Phil pretended that her tears were sea water. He was used to pretending not to see her tears at 2am. "They would be destroyed by the loss of you."

"They lost me on the day of the coup."

"Misplaced." Phil offered. "You've barely threatened my life in the last few days, only implied I'm incompetent a couple times. You've even stopped saying 'for a man of your age' when we spar. So maybe you are finding your way back."

"I don't think I can go all the way back." Jemma admitted. They finally managed to be moving in sync and were moving steadily towards shore.

"So you become someone new. Maybe you weren't broken, you were forged into a new thing and are figuring out what that is." Phil suggested.

"Why did you jump out of the plane after me?"

"Fitz was going to, he doesn't have the training to have reached you and kept you both alive." Phil sees the shore getting closer, and he wants to reach it, he is getting tired.

"Me dying would have perhaps solved some of your problems."

"Not likely." Phil looked at her. "I don't want you to die."

"Because I'm your Principle."

"No." Phil said. "Because I don't want you to die."

"That is very confusing."

"I know." Phil replied. He could feel a little sand against his toes. They both struggled and helped each other onto the shore. They collapsed into the rocks and sand.

"Are you really that important?" Jemma asked. "The story about the Avengers, what Mack said, were you that important?"

"Me?" Phil looked at her. She was just a mess. "No, I'm not that important, I'm just shield of Simmons." She kept staring at him. "Do I have something on my face?"

"You aren't going to hurt us."

"No." Phil agreed.

"Very well then. I'm going to pass out now." Jemma's eyes closed and all the pain and stress knocked her out cold.

Phil realized she had trusted him in that moment, to stop fighting her body, to trust he really wasn't going to hurt her. He fought to stay awake, to ignore the pain in his ankle, until he heard Mack shouting for them.

Phil passed out himself. When he woke up it was in the medical chamber on the Bus and Jemma was checking his ankle.

"Thank you for jumping after me Coulson." Jemma said, not taking her eyes off the ace bandage.

"You are welcome Simmons."

"I've kept the rat that survived. I named him Steve Rogers. Your file suggests you are a fan."

"I am."

"And we could all use a mascot, couldn't we? It will help Fitz cope with the lack of a monkey." Jemma babbled a little.

"Simmons, it's okay." Phil said. "Jumping out a plane, I would have done it for May back when. I would have done it for Clint or Tasha."

"But why for me?" Jemma looked at him.

"Because that is what you do for your partner, for your team." Phil explained simply.

Jemma nodded, not quite able to respond to that. "Well, the ankle needs rest, no 2am running for a while."

"I'm sure you'll enjoy the peace."

"Of course." Jemma agreed. "I'll let you rest." she went to the door and paused. "That's not accurate. I...am accustomed to you there." she left him alone.

He had worked with less than that before, maybe this could actually become a good team. He reached for a glass of water and the bracelet dangled on his wrist. Phil dropped that hand under the blanket and reached with his unchained hand instead.

  


  


  


  


 


	7. Numb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fitz and Mack again.  
> My apologies for what I do to Fitz here.  
> Definitely dub con here (not between fitz and mack)  
> And Fitz is perhaps OOC but it fits in context of this universe; his logic is bizarre and disjointed but that fits with his current mental state.

Fitz heard Jemma at 2am. He pretended to be asleep as always only apparently this once his mouth worked when his brain didn't. "Ye don't have to check on me."

She paused at the door. "It is as much about me, as it is you."

Fitz sat up and held up a corner of the blanket. Jemma smiled a little and came in and sat down. She reached under the pillow and found the stuffed animal of bookworm she had bought him back at the academy and hugged it a little. "Hello, Fitz."

"Hello, Jemma."

"How's your arm, your hand?" she asked.

"Better, the exercises are working, I think. Mostly I think the xbox time is what is fixing it." He held up his arm and slowly made a fist and then spread his fingers wide. He winced and there was a tremor the whole time, but a marked improvement from even a couple weeks ago when Jemma had jumped out of the plane. Which they hadn't talked about. They didn't talk about anything anymore.

They sat there in the silence, the tension, until she gave the stuffed animal one last hug. "Coulson will be waiting. He promised to show me how to distract a man holding a gun on you."

"Coulson's working out then?" Fitz still couldn't quite figure out what he was supposed to do with Mack, about Mack. He mostly left him alone with the cars and saw him at xbox time.

"He's Coulson," Jemma sort of shrugged. "He's a good teacher."

"He's attractive for an older bloke," Fitz said.

"He is?" Jemma frowned, she clearly hadn't thought about it. "You should sleep more."

"You should too."

"I'm not recovering."

"Yes, you are," Fitz countered. "I would have jumped after ye, you know."

Jemma smiled and for a second she almost looked like the Jemma he knew, his Jemma. "I know." She looked at him some more with that smile and then left down the hall.

Fitz put the small stuffed animal back under his pillow and lay down again. He closed his eyes and when he opened them again there was Ward.

"You keep my side of the bed open for me, that's sweet," Ward said.

"Habit," Fitz answered.

"You really think Coulson is attractive. I didn't know you had a daddy kink," Ward smiled at him. "We should have role played more."

Fitz closed his eyes. "Leave me be."

"Awww, Fitz, don't be like that," Ward said. Fitz could hear the pout in his voice. "What would you do without me?"

"Heal."

"The only one stopping that is you baby," Ward said. "But while you 'heal' you might want to consider something."

"What?" Fitz looked at Ward again.

Ward traced a finger just over the faint scars on Fitz's hand where they had scraped the bottom of the pool. "Even if you stop seeing me, you'll never be rid of me, baby. I'm too deep in you for that." Ward smiled and when Fitz blinked he was gone.

Fitz was happy he made it to a bathroom before he threw up.

**********************************

Fitz had a problem to solve. He knew that getting better was tied to getting rid of the hallucinations, but the question was how to get rid of them. He did research but nothing felt right, and he couldn't speak to anyone about it, lest it get back to Jordan and they took Mack away. He didn't like to think what would happen to agents taken away.

But Mack, maybe he could talk to Mack.

Mack wouldn't report him as insane, it would be against his own interests.

Mack fixed cars, maybe Mack could fix him too.

He decided one of their xbox sessions made sense. Casual, off-hand.

"I'm still seeing Ward," Fitz said as they drove their cars. He knew Mack had figured out he was seeing things, but maybe not the source.

"I wondered if it was him," Mack admitted. "You get this look when you talk to him."

"What look?" Fitz had been doing his best to hide it.

"You touch your shoulder and look..." Mack paused, "You look like a man in love who hates being in love."

"I want you to fuck me," Fitz blurted out.

Mack laughed and rammed his shoulder into Fitz's a little bit. "Sure Turbo, now what were the words that you actually wanted to say." His face was open, almost friendly.

"Are we friends?" Fitz asked.

"Getting there Turbo," Mack said easily. He looked at his wrist, at the bracelet on it. "If it weren't for the situation and we had just met in the old days, yeah, I'd be calling us friends."

"Then fuck me. Fuck the hallucinations out of me," Fitz said.

Mack paused the game and turned to Fitz. "Not sure it will work like that."

"He said to me," Fitz frowned. "I know it is my own head, it isn't him. But it always sounds like him. And it said I'll never be free, yeah?"

"Don't know if I'm the right person to talk to about being free, Fitz," Mack said firmly.

"Who else am I going to talk to? Skye is busy, May and I never talked. And Jemma is busy becoming a warrior," Fitz sort of closed in on himself.

"And what do you think us having sex will make you become, Fitz?"

"Closer to whole?" Fitz asked.

"It won't," Mack promised.

"Why, ye figure Ward was better than you?"

Mack's jaw tightened a little. "Careful, Fitz."

"Come on, wouldn't ye feel better putting me in my place? Want to show me who's really in charge Mack?" Fitz started talking and the words kept coming and he hated it. He wanted them to stop but they wouldn't. "Hold me down, and fuck me raw Mack. Take out all your frustrations with the new system on me. Wouldn't that feel good, to pound out your frustrations?"

Mack shook his head. "Not my style, Turbo."

"Which part?"

"Any of it."

"Just fuck me, Mack, let me replace him in my head." Fitz begged. 

"No."

"If I ordered?" Fitz said. He realized immediately that was the worst thing he could have said. Ever.

Mack stood up. "Principle Fitz, may I be given permission to walk the fuck away from this conversation right now?"

"Yeah. Of course."

Mack got up.

Fitz's throat finally closed up and the words _I'm sorry_ wouldn't come out.

***********************************

"Fitz, what's with this request?" Skye asked. Her desk was overrun with papers and she looked stressed. Melinda was sitting in the window cleaning guns.

"I just," Fitz took a breath, he needed to get these words absolutely right, "I have some concerns about the tendons in my hand and want to go see the doctor at the Hub. He can see me tomorrow morning, just easier to go now and crash there tonight. Maybe see about getting a few of our requisitions moving a little better."

"Fitz, why didn't you say you were worried about your hand?"

He was happy he was better at lying than Jemma. "I kept hoping the exercises would improve things, but they dinnae seem to."

"They could need more time," Melinda said.

"I would prefer to be proactive."

Skye nodded. "Sure, Mack can drive you down."

"He's busy repairing an electrical issue on the Bus." One that Fitz had created. "Koenig is driving me."

"Okay, that works." Skye nodded. "Take a couple days, doesn't look like we'll be heading out again for at least a week. Coulson is trying to get contacts to answer our questions."

"Fitz, is there something you need, because you can talk to us," Melinda said. 

Fitz looked at her. "I'm fine." He smiled a little. "Look at my words, they were in place and everything."

Melinda's stare was intense and he would never know how he matched it. She just nodded and Fitz went and packed a quick bag. He made sure that Mack didn't notice him leaving.

**************************************

It took Mack hours to finish what some idiot had bunged up in the Bus. It gave him time to think. Think about Fitz. About how none of the rest noticed how much he was cracking, they were all so busy about the changes to Jemma. She was so loud in her pain, they didn't see the misery in Fitz.

He was finding it hard not to hate her for that.

He was also trying to figure out why Fitz mattered so much. The jumpy little guy, who looked so sad, that Mack just wanted to wrap him up in blankets and say it would be alright. But he knew nothing was going to be alright for a good long time.

Mack finished up and put away his tools. He figured that making Fitz some dinner would at least be a good start to sorting things out.

He walked through the halls and checked for the scientist but he wasn't in the lab, his bedroom, or the communal area.

"Hey Coulson, where's Fitz?" Mack asked as he reached the kitchen. The man was reading on a tablet as he ate some pretzels.

"Melinda mentioned he headed to the Hub, has an appointment in the morning about his hand." Coulson looked up at Mack. "Problem?"

"He didn't mention anything about it," Mack explained. He reached over and stole a few pretzels. "What's your read on Fitz?"

Coulson took a sip of beer. "I think he is completely messed up and the women who are supposed to be taking care of him are so messed up in their own ways, that they haven't noticed."

Mack sighed in relief and slumped into a chair across from Coulson. "Thank Christ, I was worried I was overreacting."

"Nope, he's going to crack soon. And it is going to be ugly, because of how much he's been hiding it," Coulson said. "You are probably going to have to help him, no way will he want his team to see it."

Mack froze as his brain helpfully aligned all the pieces. "He asked for help, but the wrong way and I turned him down." Mack slammed a hand into the table. "He doesn't have an appointment at the Hub. Fitz is going to hurt himself."

"Is he suicidal? We have to tell Skye if he is," Coulson said.

"No, not that." Mack stood up. "We need to get to the Hub."

"You can't leave without your Principle's permission, and Jemma is having a bad day, she'll not approve leave for me."

"Skye can authorize it," Mack was already moving.

"She's buried into work, delicate stuff that really can't be interrupted."

"Her teammate is going to potentially land himself in medical," Mack yelled. "And I can't," he sighed, frustrated. "I don't want him to hurt himself."

Coulson nodded. Mack had good instincts and if he was scared, it was worth paying attention to. "Let's go steal a fast car."

Mack hurried to the garage.

*************************************

Koenig had gone off to find one of his brothers after Fitz had reassured him that he was going to meet up with some old colleagues. But he knew they wouldn't help him. So he went to the basement cafeteria, the one that field agents had always preferred.

Their numbers were so small now, but there were several in there. Fitz went over to the coffee mugs. They were mostly white but with a handful in different colours.

"Blue if you are looking for a one night hookup," Ward said beside him. Reminding him of a talk that had one night a couple years ago. Fitz filled it at the coffee station. "Remember the saucer and spoon." 

Fitz put them on his plate and grabbed a slice of pie. He could feel eyes on him. He licked his lips. Fitz had had sex before Ward. Not a lot, but some, and nothing this blatant.

"I hate that you are doing this baby," Ward said beside him.

"That means it is the right thing," Fitz whispered. "If my brain is telling me it is bad, then it has to be right." His bad hand was tremoring as he paid. He sat at a table right in the middle of the cafeteria. He took a sip of coffee and then put the cup on the saucer.

"Still want to bottom I see," Ward said. "But the question is what are you going to do with the spoon?" 

Fitz looked around the room. He picked up the spoon with his left hand and put it in the coffee cup very deliberately.

Ward sat back in the chair he had taken over. "Wow, Fitz."

"Shut up," Fitz said. He began to eat the pie. This was the right thing, he had run the data and everything suggested that if he could replace some of his Ward memories, something new filled his mind, it should get rid of Ward. And getting rid of Ward would make everything else fine. If he got his head back to normal, Jemma wouldn't be filled with hate and awake at stupid hours, Melinda would remember that she had been firm but not unbending, and Skye would remember that they were a team, that it wasn't all her. He had figured it out, everything about who they were had fallen apart when he had fallen into that water. And if he finally came up for air, they would too.

An agent approached the table, sat right on top of Ward. "Hey, science division right? No offense but you might want to reconsider. There are people in here who currently have some hard feelings that they would love to work out. At least move the spoon," the man smiled a little.

"And ye don't have hard feelings?" Fitz asked.

"Oh I do, but this isn't the way I want to work them out."

"Then leave me alone," Fitz said.

"Your funeral," the man stood and left.

"He's right you know, you don't know what you are asking for," Ward said sadly. "When we played a little rough, that wasn't rough at all."

"Exactly," Fitz said. "I am going to fill my head with the opposite of you, wipe ye out." A new man was approaching, the sort of field agent that he and Jemma made fun of. All muscle, no brain.

Perfect.

The man didn't sit down. "Safeword?"

Fitz felt his words get trapped. "Atomic," he finally managed to say.

"My prison is this way." The man started to walk and Fitz had to hurry to catch up.

"Ye mean quarters," Fitz said, nervous starting to wrap around him.

But the man didn't walk to the old quarters but down to containment cells. At the hub the field agents were imprisoned. The man put his palm code in and the screen fell. "We go on lock down at midnight, you'll have to be gone by then." He pulled out a condom, lube, and some rope from his night table.

"That's fine," Fitz agreed. Fitz looked at the band on the man's wrist tried to see if he could tell who the man had as his Principle. Not that it really mattered.

The man hit a button and the screen went opaque. "Get naked. And call me sir, I want one of you science pricks to call me sir again."

Fitz couldn't see Ward. This was totally the right call. It was going to be fine. "Yes, sir." He began to strip down. His hand really needed to stop shaking, this was all going to work out.

Victoria Hand had followed them out of the cafeteria and took up a guard position outside the man's cell. She texted May and Coulson on a burner phone before she broke it apart. She settled into wait.

********************************

They pulled into the Hub later than they would have liked, nearing 11pm. Coulson checked his phone. "Shit,"

"Of course we didn't make it in time," Mack said. It was the story of his life really.

"Victoria Hand is keeping a vague eye, waiting for someone to show. But she didn't just get word to me," Coulson explained. "Melinda texted as well. They are all flying in. It would be to our benefit to get to Fitz first." Coulson stared at his phone. "I have a location."

"Get us there." Mack parked the car and they started to run through the Hub. Mack swallowed when they went to the containment cells and he stumbled to a stop when he saw Hand.

"Shield of Simmons, Shield of Fitz," she greeted them.

"Victoria," Coulson's voice was a bruise, an ache.

Mack couldn't stop staring. Her hair was short, the streaks of colour gone. She didn't have makeup on. Not even 4 months yet and she had aged years.

She nodded to them. "I haven't heard anything that suggested my interference was needed." Victoria began to walk away. Mack ignored the small hand pass he saw between her and Coulson.

"Fitz!" Mack yelled.

The screen dropped and Fitz walked out, the field agent staying in bed and smoking. "Sorry, fellow shields, if I had known he was your toy, I wouldn't have played with him. But then he did come looking." The man pushed the ropes off his bed. 

Mack started to move forward and Coulson snapped at him, "Not your priority, Shield."

"Oh we are so talking about priorities, but in private." Skye, Melinda and Jemma all stood there. "I still have an office here, and we are all going to it now." Skye ordered.

Coulson automatically put himself in front of Fitz and Mack. Mack went up and put a hand on Fitz's shoulder and moved it quickly when Fitz flinched.

"Do you need to go to medical?" Mack asked quietly.

"Nae," Fitz said.

"Move!" Skye shouted.

They all went up and around the building until they found the office reserved for Skye. It was a tight fit for all of them and Mack found himself hovering trying to shield Fitz from any blow back.

Skye moved behind her desk and Melinda stood close to her. Jemma was near them but a little apart. She kept giving Fitz these looks of pity and it made Mack want to punch her a little bit.

"Well, I don't know how I can avoid giving you two an X in your file," Skye began. "You stole a car and drove it to the Hub. You are on a million security cameras and there is no record of authorization. I can bullshit a lot, but if you don't get some punishment, Jordan will come down on us like the wrathful little despot he is." She turned her angry gaze on Fitz. "And a fucking booty call? You lied to me over sex? You couldn't find a rando at the Playground?"

Fitz didn't say anything. He was so weary. And Ward was in between Jemma and Skye. It hadn't even worked.

"Fitz, answer me now!" Skye demanded.

Mack was just filled with rage. "Why should he?" He said back. "He's been screaming out for help since day one and not like any of you have noticed or bothered to help." He was pleased that Jemma flinched. "Have any of you bothered to see that he was getting worse?"

"His therapy had been helping his hand," Melinda said.

"It isn't about his hand," Mack said. "It's about his head. You were so wrapped up in your own pain of what seeing him injured, seeing him not be the same, that you didn't bother to notice that he was breaking apart as much as all of you?"

Melinda stepped forward. "Stand down Shield of Fitz."

"No," Mack said. "It's your fault, he pulled this stunt. If his supposed best friend hadn't been too busy whining about her feelings, she would have seen that Fitz was drowning!"

"Hey," Coulson said sharply.

"I saw him drown!" Jemma said. "I lay on the ground and watched him drown. I watched the man we trusted throw him into the pool and I watched the man I - I cared for, die, trying to save him."

"It didn't hurt," Fitz whispered. Everyone in the room stilled and looked at him. Fitz leaned back against the wall and slid to the ground. "It didn't hurt. Ward, Grant, he broke my arm and punched me again and again and threw me in the pool. And it didn't hurt, because I was sure that it was some sort of plan, there was some larger reason why the man I loved, who had been mine for two years, would be doing it. I sank to the bottom of the pool, didn't even try to fight it, because I thought that was what he needed me to do. I let myself drown because I was sure he did that for a reason."

"Fitz, he was evil, that was the reason," Jemma said quietly.

"But he wasn't, see that would make it easy," Fitz said. "The reason he was able to do all that was because he did like us. We did matter to him. Like he told me, if he had meant to kill me, I'd be dead."

Skye bit her lip, "When did he tell you that Fitz?"

"A few weeks ago," Fitz answered.

"He's been having problems with hallucinations," Mack explained. "He sees Ward."

Skye and Jemma looked heartbroken, May looked as she usually did.

"Why didn't you tell me Fitz?" Jemma asked she tried to move closer but Mack blocked her.

"Ye were busy losing your goddamn mind to your anger, and Skye was just busy. And Melinda's never cared for me that much, anyways."

"That's not true," Melinda said.

"Seems true enough," Fitz said. "I figured it out though, if I fixed me, it would fix the rest of you."

"How did this equal fixing you?" Jemma pressed.

"Because Ward had been a field agent, and if you painted over your memories of him, he would disappear," Mack said.

"It didn't hurt when he destroyed me. And it never hurt when he fucked me. I figured if it hurt when another agent had me, then maybe it would balance the scales." Fitz stared at the rope burns on his wrist. "But this didn't hurt either, and Ward is standing against the wall over there and looking like a sad puppy."

Mack sat on the ground in front of Fitz. "Principle Fitz, don't look anywhere but me okay?"

Fitz dragged his gaze to Mack. "I want it to hurt. None of it hurts. And if it hurts, pain ends and you get better. Why can't we get better?" Fitz began to cry. 

Jemma began to move closer and Coulson headed her off. "But -" she began.

"Let Mack take point here, the rest of you can bat clean up," Coulson said. "You three can yell at me in place of them."

Skye looked over at Fitz who was crying, shoulders heaving, and Mack who moved closer but not quite touching. "God, how did we miss this?"

"Because we wanted to." Jemma looked at Coulson. "Let's go, Shield of Simmons, we have a long lecture ahead of us." The four left the other two alone.

Mack didn't say anything, didn't touch Fitz, just waited.

Fitz took a long time for the tears to stop and when he raised his head and started to shift his eyes.

"No, Principle Fitz, eyes on me."

Fitz looked at Mack. "It didn't work."

"No, guess it didn't."

"It was a bad idea."

"A really bad one," Mack agreed. "Was it even any good?"

Fitz shook his head a little. "It was supposed to be an inoculation."

"Well from the way you are sitting, guessing you at least got jabbed with something," Mack teased, not really sure what to say.

Fitz gave a small chuckle that was almost more a sob. "A small something at that." He banged his head against the wall behind him, and once started found that he couldn't stop. 

Mack's hand shot out and gently cupped the back of his head. "Think that your head has taken enough of a beating."

"I feel pain, but it doesn't hurt," Fitz bit his lip. "That isn't scientifically possible."

"Well, hearts are pretty messed up things." Mack moved his hand away. "Tell me about Ward."

"He was a liar and a killer."

Mack shook his head. "No, tell me about before that, tell me about your Ward. The one you trusted enough that you were willing to let yourself drown."

"Not supposed to talk about him," Fitz said. "It wasn't real."

"Like you said, some of it had to be. You tried your way to exorcise your ghosts, now try mine." 

"He liked pumpkin pancakes," Fitz said softly. He closed his eyes. "He liked punching more than kicking and his sniper rifle was named Betsy, not that he'd ever admit that. He sang the Scooby Doo theme while he shaved."

"Tell me more," Mack said. He reached out to Fitz's bad hand and began to massage the fingers and wrist. "Tell me everything."

Fitz talked, he didn't know how long, but when he was done he opened his eyes.

Mack was the only one with him.

"I'm sorry for before," Fitz said. "I didn't really want -"

"I know," Mack said. "We'll be cool, Turbo."

"He never had a nickname for me. Pet names, but not a nickname," Fitz felt gross. "I like nicknames better."

Mack smiled and stood and helped Fitz up. "Nicknames are good," he agreed.

"I want a shower," Fitz said.

Mack's eyebrows shot up, as far as he knew Fitz was still scared of the water. "I know where there is a locker room that almost no one uses, best water pressure in the hub."

"Will ye stand guard, I might freak out a little."

"You got it."

Fitz let Mack guide him down halls and Mack pointed to the best shower head and even got the temperature right.

Fitz stepped under the spray.

The water hurt.

He wept a little under the spray, relieved to feel the hurt.


	8. To Not Let in the Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we finally have some proper melinda pov

Melinda read the message that Phil had shown her again.

_ Too many eyes and contingencies. _

_ He was planning for this. _

_ Likely a year before we can move _

She shook her head. “It can’t be a year,” she said. It was 6am and they were in the kitchen. Phil looked like he hadn’t been to sleep yet. “And you need to get Simmons on a reasonable sleep schedule. You look like death.”

“You are death,” he countered. “That was lame. You may have a point. I am too old for this little sleep.”

“Maybe it is a code,” Melinda offered. That couldn’t be it. Those three little sentences couldn’t be it.

“May, it isn’t, and you know it. Unless certain players come in from the dark, there is no movement we can make beyond survive.”

“There is always a plan, there is always a way around or through. You taught me that.”

“And you taught me that sometimes we still lose,” Phil said sharply.

Melinda stared at her tea. He wasn’t wrong. As much as she wished he was, in this he wasn’t. “In a year we’ll either be dead, or -”

“Or broken,” Phil finished for her.

Melinda nodded. They were all doing better, but the whole team was still fragile, not together the way they needed to be in the field. Fitz was trying to reclaim his brain and hands, Jemma was only sort of drawing away from her anger, and Skye…

Skye was trying to be the leader she never planned to be.

And she, Phil, and Mack were trying to hold them together. Be parents, and friends, and shields, and they were going to break under the pressure of it all. Which is likely what Jordan intended. Or maybe that was giving him too much credit, or not enough. She had no idea anymore.

“How is she?”

“Lost,” Melinda admitted.

“So why aren’t you finding her?” Phil asked. “You were lost once.”

“And I found my own way out.” Melinda got up and tossed her tea down the drain. She gripped the sink. Her and Phil had been talking circles around her past for a while, but never actually confronting it.

“No, you didn’t, you hid away, and stapled papers.” Phil got up and went over to her. “The light in you, went away, and you were a shell. And then a girl with a laptop got in trouble and you rescued her and then, then you found your way out. You found your way out in her.”

“It wasn’t like that, and you were busy with Delta,” Melinda faced him. “My best friend, was just gone.”

“You wanted me gone. I tried again and again to get through to you!” Phil roared, temper lost. “I left because I beat myself bloody on the wall of your silence.”

“That’s right, you left,” Melinda got into his space. “Just like everyone else when I wasn’t an easy fix. And how do you even know what happened with me and Skye?”

“Because I had Natasha keeping an eye on you. Fury, Clint, everyone. You had been my partner, my limb.” Phil looked at her. “Whatever happened in that building, whatever it was that tore you apart, tore me apart too. I mourned May, I mourned us.” Phil tried to control his breathing. “And I...hoped. Natasha told me you were attached to someone in science division. She said she saw you smile.”

“I don’t smile,” Melinda said.

“Natasha knows,” Phil replied. “And I thought maybe, maybe some of you had been found. And I died, and then you saved me, because you always save me. Only I’ve been sitting here watching you get lost again. And I don’t think this time if you go all the way again, you’ll come back.”

Melinda tried to unclench her fists. “We are property now Phil, weapons. The system is designed to strip us of our humanity. And we were just given word that basically our only way out is death. What is it that you want me to do? Tell me, Phil. You were always logistics, plans. What is our plan here?”

“The same that you told me that first night here. Survive, save SHIELD.”

Melinda shook her head. “Look at what happened with Fitz, look at Victoria. You’ve seen the news from other teams. You’d read Jordan’s mandates. Maybe you were right, maybe there is nothing left to save.”

“There is one thing.”

Melinda gave him a look, expecting him to say something emotional and rousing. The quarterback speech. But he didn’t say anything else. He just walked away.

Dammit, she hated when he pulled that shit. It was going to bug her figuring out the one thing they had to save. Which was why he did it. She needed to go punch something.

***************************

“We have word on a HYDRA group in Ireland,” Skye said. “Just got off the phone with headquarters. We’re the boots on the ground for it.”

“A regular cell, that usually goes to one of the other teams,” Melinda said.

“They apparently have a weapon. A staff,” Skye explained. She pulled up video onto the screen.

“Phil isn’t a fan of staffs these days,” Melinda pointed out.

“I’m pretty sure none of us are going to be a fan of this.” Skye pressed play and they watched the person wield the staff and kill everyone in the room. The rage was palpable, the possession clear. “Jordan wants it contained and brought in for study.”

Melinda nodded and watched the video again and pulled the files they had up to the screen. “This seems almost like a splinter of the splinter.”

“I think the glowing stick of evil there has been giving them ideas. We need to stop the ideas.” Skye looked at Melinda and Melinda wanted to flinch away. It was an intense stare. “There is a chance you’ll end up touching the thing. I need to know if this is going to be a problem.”

“Why should it be?” Melinda asked.

“Because you have files that are sealed, that wake you up screaming sometimes, that make you flinch when I offer my hand. Files that Phil knows about,” Skye bit her lip. “Who’s the Calvary?”

“I am.” Melinda looked at the staff. It was quite beautiful really. “I’ll get the Bus ready.” 

Melinda walked slowly to the Bus and did all her systems checks, the monotony of it soothing to her. She had liked stapling paperwork, it was easy to empty her memories. Most people thought that type of work let you think too much but it actually stilled her mind, let her settle into nothing. Melinda could hear the rest of the team settling onto the Bus and Skye came up and gave the all clear and Melinda got them in the air.

She was surprised to be left alone, Phil usually came into bother her once or twice but apparently he was still waiting for her to solve his little puzzle. Which she wouldn’t do, because it would eventually bother him enough to make him tell her what he thought was still worth saving.

Melinda put the plane on autopilot and went to make a cup of tea. She did a little tai chi while she waited for the kettle to boil just to stretch a little bit.

“Do you know this is my favourite?” Skye asked against the wall. “You always look at peace when you do this. Even more than when you are asleep.”

“My mother taught me,” Melinda smiled a little. “She taught me lots of things.”

“She’s on the list of things that you don’t talk about.”

“Want me to take you home to meet the parents, Skye? Mom still hopes I’ll get back with my ex-husband.” The kettle boiled and Melinda went to it and pretended she didn’t see the flinch Skye had made at the sarcasm.

“No, not like I can return the favour anyways.” Skye shrugged, acted like it was no big deal. “You’re back in bed beside me, but you aren’t really there. Are you breaking up with me?”

“I’m not 15, Skye, I’m not a child, if I was going to break up with you, you would know it.” Melinda put the leaves her strainer and poured the water over it.

“I’m not a child either.”

“I didn’t say you were,” Melinda kept her eyes on her cup. “I’m processing.”

“Well let me know what you process. I’m going to prep our team.” Skye walked away and down towards the labs.

Melinda went back up to the cockpit, leaving the tea behind.

**********************

“I hate fighting in churches,” Phil groaned as he put his tactical vest on. He reached for the straps but Melinda saw Jemma reach for the straps and tighten the vest. Interesting.

“Why?” Fitz asked from where he was loading the car with Mack.

“Too many hidden corners, so much breakable glass. From a planning perspective they are a nightmare. The building plans seldom match what you find in these old ones.” Phil explained. He gave Jemma a small nod of thanks.

Melinda approached. “We should really get you outfitted like me. Allows better mobility,” she pointed to her treated leathers.

Phil snorted. “Like I have the ass to pull that look off.”

“Actually, you have a rather decent ass, Coulson,” Fitz called out. Everyone froze for a minute before Mack started to laugh.

“Did you just make a joke, Fitz?” Mack asked.

“Not really, Coulson’s a handsome man, I mean not as gorgeous as you, but he don’t suck.” Fitz was turning bright red.

Coulson smiled at Fitz and so did Mack, but Melinda could see they were vastly different smiles. Coulson’s was fond, like for a puppy who did a neat trick, Mack’s was something else. 

“Thank you, Fitz,” Coulson said simply. “But still, I prefer the vest, and May knows it. She’s been teasing me for...let’s go with a long time.”

“How long have you two known each other?” Jemma asked.

“22 or so years,” Skye called down. 

Melinda looked up and swallowed. Skye was in the gear Melinda had designed for her. It was the treated leather, black with these gloves.

“Your hair,” Jemma said mournfully.

“Long hair in the field is a disadvantage,” Skye said. She touched at the ends of the uneven bob, inches left in the garbage in the bathroom.

Melinda couldn’t say anything as Skye looked at her. Her words were as trapped as Fitz’s used to be. As they were after Bahrain. “We should move,” was all she managed to say.

They all approached the church and they could hear the screams. Phil automatically took the lead as he did in these situations. “Jemma and Fitz, get up high, if you can shoot anyone with Icers, that’s great, but mainly focus on analysis of the staff if you can find weak points. Mack and Skye, if there are any trapped civilians get them out. Skye, your training if further along than Jemma’s, I trust you can take out people if need be?”

Skye touched her side arm. “Yeah,” she agreed. 

“Her hand to hand is excellent and improves daily,” Melinda said and she tried not to feel hurt that the compliment seemed to have shocked Skye.

“You and I, May, we’ll do Sigma sweep, maybe throw in a little Anchorage into it if need be,” Phil continued.

They got out the car and someone was throw through the 4 inch thick wooden door. “Nevermind. May, Calcutta.” Phil said and he ran forward. Melinda turned and ran around the corner of the building. There was a side entrance and she went in, dealing with the two guards easily. She could hear Phil making a target of himself, letting all the others get into position. Melinda could hear Mack and Skye coming up behind her. She pointed to a corner where there were people huddled terrified. Melinda then ran and added to the distraction Phil was making.

She ignored the rest of the team and HYDRA agents and focused on the man wielding the staff. “Phil, leg!” she shouted and Phil put a bullet in the man’s leg and Melinda jumped and kicked hard and the man dropped the staff. They both scrambled for it and Melinda reached it first. She touched the staff and felt the power course through her. She saw her worst memories and felt the staff wanting to use them, wanting her to use them. 

But she was long used to the memories. She wielded the staff easily and dispatched every HYDRA person who came near her, Phil picking off the ones on the edges. Melinda ended up in a crouch a circle of bodies around her. Melinda stood up, still holding the staff. Skye approached carefully.

“Shield May,” Skye said formally. “You need to let go of the staff.”

Did Skye really think her so weak as to be affected by a trinket like this?

Jemma came running in a secure box in hand. She opened it and put it on the ground and scurried behind Phil. Melinda looked at Phil, who was as calm as ever.

“An interesting weapon,” Melinda said. She put the staff in the container and walked out of the church and into the sun.

********************************

“It’s Asgardian,” Phil said.

“What?” Fitz asked.

“Our Norse myths, Odin, Thor, well they weren’t gods so much as aliens from Asgard who decided to pay some visits.” Phil explained. “I called an expert. It is a staff meant for their strongest warrior, to give them almost unlimited power, but he destroyed it, the power corrupted too easily. In theory no one without Asgardian strength and magic should be able to wield it without being taken over by their rage. When that HYDRA cell put it together, if they kept it, they would have destroyed...everything eventually.”

“Jordan wants it taken to the sandbox for study,” Skye said.

Phil looked at them all. “I would highly recommend against that.” 

Melinda shook her head. “We already reported in the success of the mission. We don’t bring it in, it will cause a great deal of problems.” 

“Maybe some problems would be worth it,” Phil countered.

“Coulson, May is right, we don’t bring it in, Jordan will bring the hammer down on us,” Skye said. “Which means all of you. I will not let him harm a member of my team if I can avoid it.”

Phil nodded in understanding. Melinda could see that he wanted to argue more, but they really didn’t have any room here.

“Dismissed,” Skye said. “May, a word.”

Everyone else left.

“I want Jemma to check you out, make sure you are physically fine after wielding the staff.”

“Of course,” Melinda agreed.

“Do you need to talk about it?” Skye asked softly.

“No.” Melinda went to fly the plane.

An hour later, Melinda left the cockpit and went down to the lab. Everyone else was asleep, tired from the trip and the fight. She opened the case and stared at the staff. She ran her hand over, hovering an inch above the metal. It tried to call to her, said it would be so easy to destroy Jordan, destroy everyone who wronged her. It would let her be as cold as she wanted. As cold as she wished to become after everything that had happened.

She heard the door slide open and knew it was Skye, the scent of soap, the fall of the feet.

“You don’t have to tell me,” Skye said. “And I haven’t hacked your files. Yours are the only ones I haven’t.”

Melinda lay her hand on the metal of the staff. Waited for Skye to run. But she didn’t. Skye stayed right beside her. 

“It really is beautiful,” Melinda said.

“It is, for a thing that you know is designed to end wars and destroy the person who holds it.” Skye reached out a hand but didn’t touch the staff. Instead she covered the bracelet on Melinda’s wrist.

Melinda realized Skye was wearing an almost matching bracelet to the SHIELD ordered one.

“What’s that?” she asked.

“A symbol?” Skye answered. “I know it is lame, and probably really wrong, because I’m not trapped, like you. But...I thought...yours binds you to me by bullshit rules. Mine binds me to you by choice. Fitz programmed it, your touch is the only thing that can take it off me.”

Melinda moved their hands and closed the case. She spun on her stool to look at Skye. Melinda wondered how Skye could let so much heart into her eyes, how it did break her apart to show that much love. Melinda cupped Skye’s face. "I like the haircut," she said. Melinda kissed her partner gently, and felt warm. The cold the staff wanted her to embrace, that she wanted to embrace melted away. She kissed Skye again and again.

Melinda loved Skye’s lips. 

“I need to tell you about Bahrain,” Melinda whispered.

“You don’t have to.”

“I know.” 

They went up to Skye’s quarters and crawled into bed, Melinda leaning against the back Skye in front of her. It would be easier if she couldn’t see Skye’s face. Melinda wrapped her arms around Skye, who felt so young and told her what even Phil didn’t know. At the end, Melinda didn’t feel that much different. She had thought there would be relief, or a feeling of freedom, but she just felt like herself.

Skye picked up her hand and kissed Melinda’s palm. Melinda saw their two bracelets side by side. “Thank you for telling me, Lin,” Skye said. “I was going to still love you no matter what you told me, you know.”

Melina hadn’t known. She couldn’t say anything, but she kissed Skye’s neck and ear and ran her hands over Skye’s stomach. “Please,” Melinda finally managed to say. And for the first time since all this had begun, Melinda held Skye and kissed her, while Skye got herself off. 

It was only when Skye had fallen asleep that Melinda was able to say, “I love you too.” She went back to the cockpit to finish their flight to the sandbox.

 

**************************

Melinda watched a lab team take the staff away and Skye filling out forms. Fitz and Jemma had disappeared to see some prototypes and talk to friends.

Melinda moved closer to Phil. “Fuck SHIELD,” she said quietly. “We’re going to burn it all to the ground.”

Phil looked at her and waited.

“We save us,” she said. “We save our team, that’s our one thing. That’s who we are. We save each other and to hell with the rest. I won’t let them take her. They will never touch her.”

Phil smiled. “She’s a good thing to save.”

Melinda nodded in agreement. She watched Skye gestured at a man, arguing about the staff a bit. The bracelet moved on Skye’s wrist and when the man made a snarky comment, Skye punched him out cold.

Yes, her girl, her Skye was worth saving.


	9. Lie to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jemma's POV (which is again a long chapter because apparently her pov takes forever)

Jemma frowned as she looked through her microscope. “What the?” she asked out loud. “Blood doesn’t move on a slide. Not after it’s been frozen.” She reached a hand for her tea cup and grasped at thin air. “Tea?” she called out. Jemma looked around the lab and realized how quiet it was. “It can’t be that late,” she protested and looked at the clock. 2am. “Ah,” she sighed. Jemma supposed she should stop work. She packed away all the samples and equipment and realized she had sat too long and was quite stiff. 

Jemma went to her quarters and switched her sweater and trousers for her workout clothes and went to the gym.

“I thought I was the one who couldn’t sleep,” she said.

Phil looked over at her and smiled a little. “Once a new routine is established, I find it difficult to break. May says I look like shit, but 1:50am and my brain just jumps online and says hello let’s go for a run now.”

“You don’t look like shit,” Jemma said and went to her treadmill. She started nice and slow loosening the muscles that had gotten stiff at the lab. She slowly sped up until she was matching Phil. They ran for another fifteen minutes before Phil began to wind down.

“Do you need mat time tonight Simmons?” Phil asked.

“No, I want to just run a little bit longer,” she said. “Brain is all over the map.”

“Finish your run, I’ll make you tea,” Phil nodded to her and left.

“Herbal!”

Phil smiled. “And here I thought it should be the tea that also had coffee beans in it.”

“Haha,” she kicked her machine up a little bit more.

Jemma wiped down a little bit but figured she’d have a shower after her tea and didn’t bother with more. She walked to the kitchen and paused when she heard cartoons on the telly. Jemma approached and saw that Teen Titans Go was on. Fitz was lying down head on Mack’s lap a little drool pouring out, Mack’s head at a horrible angle on the couch, snores coming from him that were rather dreadful.

She went to the chair and got a pillow intending to put it under Mack to ease the neck pain, but Phil came up to her and shook his head. He pointed and Jemma realized that Mack had a knife in the hand that wasn’t on Fitz’s shoulder.

Jemma nodded, understanding and they went to the kitchen.

“Sorry, but that could end up poorly for all involved,” Phil whispered. 

“Fitz hasn’t been sleeping well since he told us about his hallucinations,” Jemma replied. “More nightmares.”

“That’s good,” Phil said softly. He sat at the hidden corner table in the kitchen area.

Jemma sat beside him. “How do you figure?”

“He isn’t burying it all anymore, letting it destroy him from the inside out,” Phil gave her a pointed look.

Jemma ignored that look at sipped her tea. “Oh this is lovely.”

“I raided May’s stash. Shh,” Phil grinned.

“She questions me, I’ll fold like a cheap tissue, apparently I cannot lie,” Jemma warned.

“You just need to practice,” Phil said. “Tell me two truths and a lie.”

Jemma smiled agreeably. “Alright,” she thought about it and looked at him and tried to make her face as neutral as possible. “My favourite colour is purple, my favourite food is fish and chips, and 3 -”

“Two,” Phil said before she could even finish. “Your favourite food is shepherd’s pie.”

“I haven’t told you that,” Jemma said.

“You had it a month ago in that pub we were staking out and you compose a sonnet to the fluffiness of the potato layer.”

“I don’t compose sonnets, that would be absurd.”

“My apologies Simmons, but you broke down the guessed at ratio of butter and cream in said potatoes. You only talk about food like that if you are enjoying it. You dream of recreating it, one day, when you learn to cook.”

Jemma blinked. That...she hadn’t realized he was paying that much attention to her. A few months ago she would have been sure that he was going to use that to kill her, that knowing her favourite food meant he would poison her. Now though she knew that was just him being observant.

“Fine,” Jemma stuck out her chin a little. “I hated science as a child, I read romance novels on a secret tablet I have hidden under my bed, and I lost my virginity when I was 22.” She blushed when she said the last one and winced. That was a stupid one to throw out there.

“See, that’s good because the blush could be embarrassment or being used to cover and distract your reactions to lying, smart.” Phil sipped his tea, “but I am going with number two. Doctor Simmons would never hide what she reads, no matter what it is. All reading brings knowledge.”

Jemma wrinkled her nose, but he was correct. “Fine, how about you?”

“I lost my virginity when I was 18,  I killed my first man when I was 21, I reached level 6 in SHIELD by 30.”

Jemma frowned in concentration, his face never had so much as a twitch as he rattled those off. “I...can’t tell,” she admitted.

“I’d be very bad at my job if you could, May can always tell, but she’s known me forever,” Phil smiled fondly. “She says my tells are horrible.”

“But which is the lie?”

“The second, it was a woman.”

“That’s sort of cheating isn’t it?” Jemma wouldn’t pout.

“That’s how you get better at lying,” Phil explained. “Science division hasn’t had the classes we have. The best lies are close enough to the truth to slide into place. Try again.”

Jemma thought about it carefully. She drank her tea and then looked at him carefully. “I love brie, I can twirl a baton rather well, I trust you with our lives.”

Phil glared at her a bit and put his cup down. “That wasn’t necessary was it, if you didn’t want to play you could have just said. Goodnight, Principle Simmons.” Phil rinsed his cup and left.

“You guessed wrong,” she said softly into the empty room.

She could hear Mack swear as he woke up a crick in his neck. “Come on Turbo, let’s get you into bed,” she heard and she waited until they were gone before going to her own quarters.

************************

Skye called everyone to her office, “We need to be in top form today. Like super top form. Hide the Xbox, full uniforms, just completely to regs.” 

Jemma watched her pace, “What’s wrong?”

“Jordan is going to be here for a meeting in an hour, and to tour our operation,” Skye explained. “He’s wanted to stop by for a while, but due to missions I was able to put him off.” Skye looked at the three shields all standing in perfect parade rest. “I didn’t want him invading your home.”

“We will cope,” Melinda promised.

“He also said he has a personal request of us, and frankly that terrifies me, but in the meantime, let’s hide the fact we treat you as actual humans,” Skye dismissed everyone.

When the plane touched down Skye moved to greet him. Jemma watched Jordan smile and hug Skye. She was impressed at how Skye hid her revulsion. Jemma gasped when she looked at Victoria Hand standing to the back of Jordan. She had already looked broken when they saw her at the Hub, but now.

“Don’t react,” Phil whispered to the four of them when Fitz whimpered a bit.

The X brand on her neck was still red.

Jordan didn’t even look at May standing just behind Skye, but came over to Fitz and Simmons. He held out his hands to hug Jemma and she quickly held out to shake. Jordan smiled and did a double shake. His hand was sweaty and she couldn’t wipe it off.

“Doctor Simmons, just excellent work in those reports you sent in. The icer bullets have also been a boon. I know you are going to go far in SHIELD.”

“I could do any of the work without Fitz, it really is equal share,” Jemma demurred.

“Good work Fitz,” Jordan said dismissively. “Now then I need to talk to the Principles, I’m afraid my tour will have to wait until your op, things have changed dramatically. Shields, you aren’t needed. Run along to your quarters.”

Jemma wondered if it was going to be Phil or Melinda that snapped Jordan’s neck.

“Sir,” Skye stepped up. “I am sure that you understand for security reasons, May accompanies me for all meetings. I know of course, I am safe with you, we all know that, but SHIELD has many enemies out there.”

“Smart girl. Of course, of course. I keep my wonderful Hand with me at  _ all  _ times as well, just like you and your Shield May.”

They all noticed Hand’s subtle flinch and Jemma almost threw up.

Fitz opened his mouth but a quick look from Mack kept him quiet. Jemma glanced at Phil, but he was staying at full parade rest and staring in space. She followed along to the meeting but it was an odd one.

Jordan wanted them to go undercover to get a painting at a charity auction.

“Sir, is this really in our pervu?” Jemma asked.

“It’s a piece of a puzzle that we are working on,” he said genially. “Just a piece of a larger puzzle. Our usual undercover agents are indisposed, so we must put this on your more than capable shoulders.”

“Of course, May and I can -” Skye began.

“Actually, this is an auction of a certain...caliber. And you two would not quite suit a profile that would blend in, a little too...exotic for this.”  Oh dear, he really did want to die didn’t he, thought Jemma.  “No, no, it needs to look like money to spare, and of a piece with the rest of the clientele at this auction. This will be a chance for Shield Coulson and Jemma to shine,” he continued.

Jemma really didn’t like the way he looked at her. “Sir?”

“Wealthy businessman and trophy wife,” Jordan said simply. “The rest of the team can run the op from outside. I have authorized up to 2 million for the painting, but if push comes to shove, 2.5. Do you have an afternoon cocktail dress?”

“No sir, not really standard lab fare,” Jemma smiled.

Jordan handed her a credit card. “Shield Coulson is useless for many things, but he does have impeccable taste in clothes and will outfit you both accordingly. Hand has the files for the job. May, you look them over, the auction has been moved to the day after tomorrow. Skye, would you please show me to the guest quarters?”

“It would be my pleasure sir,” Skye was gritting her teeth.

“May?” Jemma asked.

“Collect Coulson and go shopping,” May said. “Hand and I will go over the mission parameters with Fitz to act as witness that we only talked about the mission.”

“I hardly think you need that,” Jemma said surprised.

“It is a good idea. Jordan will be providing new rules for your Shields upon your return. There was a minor incident or two at the Hub,” Hand touched her neck.

“Go, Principle Simmons,” May said formally.

Jemma looked at them helplessly but was happy that Fitz looked equally lost. She left and walked down the hall. The mood of the Playground was different, everyone felt tense. 

Mack could be heard pounding on a car, and people were scurrying everywhere. Jemma checked the range first, surprised Phil wasn’t there. She walked around and eventually found him hiding in an old storage room.

“I don’t think I’ve been in here before,” she said. Jemma sneezed, the play was rather filthy. “What are these files?”

“Early SSR, files,” Phil said, eyes bright. He handed her a page.

“Oh. Oh, is this?”

“A requisition form for bullets from one Peggy Carter? Yes. Yes it is,” Phil was happy.

“You’re a history nerd,” she blurted out. She hated how his smile dimmed, it really was a good smile. “That’s not a bad thing, I mean Peggy Carter.” Jemma sat beside him and read the page. “This is the most polite fuck off, I’ve ever read.”

“There is a paper in here, where they tried to deny her access to an artifact that she had found during the war, it’s impressive,” Phil took the page back from her and put it in the file cabinet. “So, I assume that we don’t measure up at all.”

“That didn’t come up. Undercover day after tomorrow in Florida. A rich charity auction. We’ll pose as buyers.”

“And sneak in and steal the piece,” Phil said. “May and I have done this sort of work before. Should be easy.”

“Jordan has ordered that you and I go in, keep it all above board unless it goes dramatically wrong. I get to play trophy wife,” Jemma smile was bracing. “My last performance was in a Christmas panto. I was a tree. I fell over.” She showed him the credit card. “We get to go shopping. Yipee.”

“Don’t you own a little black dress?” Phil asked. 

“It has a peter pan collar,” Jemma said. “I’m given to understand that trophy wives wear leopard print?”

Phil snorted a little. “Jordan’s expense card?”

“Mmmhmmm,” Jemma agreed.

“I suppose spending some of his money will be fun.”

“Will I have to wear high heels?”

“Three inches at least,” Phil helped her stand up.

“I’m going to fall over,” she sighed.

“I’ll catch you,” Phil promised.

********************************

“Skye, that’s rather a lot of eyeliner,” Jemma protested.

“Yeah well, trophy wives have slutty makeup,” Skye answered and once finished handed her a lipstick. “So is your dress tight? Slinky? Leather?”

“No!” Jemma stopped mid application. “Why would it be leather?”

“A Bond babe would wear leather,” Skye said.

“Phil helped me pick out a dress, that is appropriate for an afternoon charity auction for a church rebuild,” Jemma gave her face a once over. It was far more dramatic than usual, but not too bright for a daytime. She took off her robe and unzipped the dress bag. “I loathe strapless bras.”

“So go commando,” Skye shrugged.

“I’m not going to...to...jiggle while on an op,” Jemma shimmied into the dress. “Get the zipper will you?” Skye helped her in and put on the necklace that had a camera in it. Jemma sighed as she strapped on the shoes. “Well?”

“Jesus, Jemma, you need to wear bright colours more, you look great,” Skye was stunned at how the orangey-red slip dress brightened Jemma up. “I’d totally hit on you if I wasn’t madly in love with a woman who can kill me with her pinkie.”

“Thanks?” Jemma hiked up the neckline. It wasn’t particularly low cut, but it was a lot more skin than she ever showed. “Mother told me I didn’t have the personality to pull stuff like this off.”

“It’s an op Jemma, you are supposed to look, gorgeous and bold and be the sort of girl that Phil couldn’t take his eyes off of, so much that he put a ring on it.”

“Yes, well, he picked the dress, so it must suit.” Jemma smiled softly, he had been very patient while they had shopped. It had been almost friendly.

“Huh, man’s got a good eye,” Skye said. “Now you remember what to do?”

“Smile, and laugh at appalling and likely racist jokes, and don’t eat anything. Pretend the only thought in my head is shoes and Phil’s money. Maybe I have a hobby. Oh, I run a lifestyle blog, make up tips and the like.”

“And if someone asks you for your best tips?”

“I’ll stick to giggling and making heart eyes at Phil,” Jemma said.

“I know you aren’t trained for this, but you can do it. I mean you are a horrible liar, but so long as you don’t talk to anyone we should be good. No one dead, in and out,” Skye made a face. “Crap, did I just jinx it?”

Jemma had no idea, her ankles were already killing her. She took a breath and went to the door. When she opened it, Phil had been just about to knock. “You aren’t wearing a tie. You always wear a tie on an op.”

“Miami, going more casual,” Phil lifted a wrist. “Nice cuff links though.” He smiled at her, though it slowly faded. “Problem?”

Jemma shook her head. The suit was a bit slimmer, fancier than what he wore around the office, the white shirt almost a small hit of shimmer. “You look, a bit different is all. Tie or sweats is what I’m used to.”

“Well Mrs. Gregg, may I please escort you to the charity auction?” Phil held out his arm. “Mack is waiting to drive us.”

Jemma took a slow and deep breath. She had survived far worse that this. She gave him a blinding smile. “Thank you, Mr. Gregg, I am looking forward to the event. Will you buy me something pretty?” She carefully put her hand on his arm.

“Two pretties, if you promise to be good.”

******************************

“We should dance,” Phil whispered in her ear. 

Jemma giggled, like he said something incredibly hilarious. “I don’t know how to dance,” she whispered.

“Don’t worry, my dear, your two left feet have never bothered me, when I get to hold you in my arms,” Phil projected so the couple next to them could hear.

“You are so sweet,” Jemma replied and once again took the hand he offered. “You are going to lose a toe to these dreadful heels,” she hissed.

“Just follow my lead,” Phil said calmly and he pulled her into his arms, hand warm at the small of her back. “This lets me scope the room better,” he said. “Box step, one back, one your left, one forward, one right, and just go where I guide.” He moved her slowly but confidently and Jemma mostly held on. He whispered a little into his mic about the security he was seeing.

Jemma was starting to get the hang of it, it really was just counting and following the direction his hand pushed in. She stared at him in horror though when he said, “Ready?” and spun her out and pulled her back in. Jemma felt her dress swing as she spun and she twisted a little too much on the way back in and slammed into Phil who laughed and picked her up a little and spun them her feet in the air before setting her back gently down.

“Oh my, that’s why you chose this dress, instead of the slinky red,” she said quietly, but not so quiet that the couple beside them didn’t overhear.

The woman laughed. “My dear, you look simply charming, and much more appropriate than a few of the other younger wives.”

“My Lizzie, is always the belle of the ball,” Phil said easily before giving a nod and walking them off the dance floor.

“Can you go charm the man in the grey suit? He’s the host,” Phil said. “I want to check the security outside.”

“Sure, not at all terrifying,” Jemma agreed. Phil gave her hand a quick squeeze and kissed her cheek, disappearing into the crowd. She walked around and made sure to get another glass of champagne and slowly made her way to the target. 

“We’ve got him, we could use for vocal patterns, just in case we need to break into a vault,” Skye said into her ear.

Jemma sipped her champagne and waited for a pause in the man’s conversation. “Hello,” she said brightly, thickening her accent a little. Men always liked BBC English, or did that only count for women and Colin Firth. “I would just like to say this is such a lovely party, and a wonderful cause.”

“Why thank you,” the man said and they made small talk for a bit until Phil was back at her side.

“Got him,” Skye said.

Phil smiled and wrapped an arm tightly around Jemma. “Darling, you’ve monopolized enough of our host’s time, I saw some brie on the table, you know it’s your favourite.”

“We look forward to the auction,” Jemma said and they made their way towards the food. “Great, now I have to eat some brie, or we’ll look suspicious.”

Phil began to put together snack plates. “You like the stuff.”

Jemma was looking at the food, “No, that was my lie.” She reached for a few strawberries and put them on her plate. Phil was standing there dumbfounded. “Problem?”

“Yes, but it can wait. Eat,” he said.

They snacked and went to the auction. They bought the painting for less than a million and with another hour of mingling, left. They were in the air less than 40 minutes after leaving the party, the two of them still in their party clothes.

Everyone but Melinda, who was flying, looked at the painting.

“This all feels rather anti-climactic, yes?” Jemma asked. She shivered a little, the quinjet wasn’t the warmest. Phil took off his jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders. “Thanks. But the op went to spec, and it’s all just done without issue. I didn’t jump out of a plane, Melinda didn’t stab anyone, are they really this easy sometimes?”

“Sometimes,” Phil said. “All that’s left to do is hand it over and file our reports.”

“And find out what Jordan’s really about,” Skye said. “We all agree, something’s up, right?”

No one answered her, because they all knew he was waiting there for a reason.

************************

“Wonderful, just wonderful,” Jordan said, looking at the painting. “Hand, see it secured in our plane, and then debrief Skye on the new mandates in regards to shields. Jemma, I would love a tour of your lab,” he said.

“Certainly sir, perhaps I can go change first. A slip dress is hardly suitable for a tour of microscopes.”

Jordan laughed like it was the funniest thing ever.

Jemma hurried down the hall to her quarters. Every time she saw him, she wondered how she had ever thought he had the right plan for SHIELD. She changed into her work trousers and a blouse and wiped off most of the makeup. 

She was taking a moment to massage the feeling back into her feet where there was a knock at her door. “Come in,” she called. “Phil? Is Jordan bothering you, I’ll just be another moment.” Jemma took a good look at his face. “Phil, what’s happened?” Even a month ago, the storm in his eyes would have had her reaching for her panic button, instead she stood up and went to him.

“Principle Simmons, according to the new guidelines from the Hub, shields are no longer permitted their own personal quarters. Or are allowed to be alone with other shields on the premises.”

“But where are you to sleep?” Jemma was confused. She thought about the Hub. “Are we to imprison you? Skye will never permit that.”

“It seems that shields are to be available 24/7 and for full use by their principles. If we are good boys and girls, our principle can allow us a cot in their quarters.”

“I already have full use of your talents,” Jemma pressed. “I have no fault with your behaviour as my shield.”

“It’s an order to be your fucktoy Simmons,” Phil shouted, frustrated, angry. “And if you refuse to bunk me in here, then you are required to turn me into the Hub, so that I may be assigned to a true member of SHIELD who I can fully service.”

“I can order you to your own quarters, can’t I?” Jemma begged him to say yes.   
  


Phil just shook his head. “It is suggested that you be kind and provide on drawer for my personal effects.” Phil looked drained. “You shouldn’t keep him waiting.”

“I’ll try to sort this,” Jemma promised.

“There’s nothing to sort, it’s done.”

Jemma slid on shoes and ran out of her quarters. “Skye!” she called out.

“Not now,” Skye shook her head, murder in her gaze, and she hurried down the hall. 

Jemma headed toward the lab, where she saw Fitz working, Mack handing him tools, while Jordan watched them, this smug look on his face. “Sir, I apologize, for the delay. Shield Coulson was just catching me up on the changes?” 

She could see Fitz trying to work and pay attention to their conversation at the same time. Mack was trying to make himself invisible which was impressive considering his size.

“We had a few simultaneous incidents at the Hub that brought about these rules,” Jordan said. “The no bunking alone, is a safety issue. An agent, ignored his mandated counseling and overdosed. We take the personal health of our shields very seriously, and it is best that they be closely monitored for any concerning behaviour.”

“Isn’t the larger concern how much restriction and lack of privacy they already had?” Jemma asked pointedly. She ignored Fitz’s look of shock.

“Now, Dr. Simmons, you know how dangerous these people are, and we have to be on guard, protect each other, but also them. It is our duty as their Principles.”

Jemma thought of the lessons Phil gave her on how to break a nose. She smiled and didn’t apply them.

“And the new rule about shields not being allowed to be alone together?”

Jordan shook his head sadly. “That is I’m afraid because of my Hand. She, accidentally of course, slipped up and told another shield about a delicate op. If I hadn’t been informed by their scientist, why I could have been grievously injured. Hence her X, and the new rule. They can’t be trusted by themselves.” Jordan flipped through Jemma’s log book. “You of course know best, and understand what happens when shields have too much free time with each other. Good men end up dead.”

Fitz stood up abruptly. “I need to -” he choked on his words. He left the room, Mack followed closely behind. 

“That was unkind, sir.”

“I know, but in light of his recovery, it is probably best that he left before you questioned the last new rule.”

“Shields are required to fulfill any service their owner asks of them.” Jemma felt sick.

“It was actually inspired by Fitz. He caused a lot of internal chaos by coming to the Hub to sate his needs. If Mack had understood what it meant to see to his scientist, well a lot of problems wouldn’t have occurred.” Jordan looked at the samples in the fridge. “In light of these new rules, do you require a different shield, Doctor Simmons?” 

Jemma did not like how eager Jordan sounded. “No, sir. I am more than satisfied with Coulson as my shield.”

“We could get you someone younger, more similar to your previous partner,” Jordan suggested. “I’m considering trading Hand in, and Coulson would suit my needs. I would be very grateful if you would consider it, Jemma.”

Jemma thought about Phil’s secrets, the pockets that he kept hidden. Ward had kept so much hidden. “Is that an order or request, sir?”

“Just a request, he has no Xes on his file, so we don’t see a need to step in. It would just look good for your future in SHIELD. I’ve always felt us kindred spirits, the two who truly saw how evil the agents became when left unchecked.”

“Some agents,” Jemma said. “Sir, do you know that vial there? Fascinating really. I was studying some minerals and quite accidentally created a lethal poison that is odorless and tasteless.”

“Did you now?”

“Hmm, yes, quite. There are several things in here that Fitz and I have created. On purpose, accidentally, you know the wacky things that happen in science. We are of course very careful with the more dangerous results. It’d be dreadful if anything were to change the care we took with our samples, wouldn’t it?” Jemma laughed. “Do you know one day, when Coulson was a couple minutes late with my tea, I almost gave everyone at the Playground a compound that would have turned their blood to lava? I’m terrified to think what would happen if anyone took Coulson away. He suits my needs quite perfectly.” Jemma smiled sharply.

Jordan nodded his head. “Lucky you have him then. Enjoy him as you like.”

“I will, sir." Jemma watched his departure. She intended to enjoy it the day Coulson snapped that man's neck. She realized that she had been fighting the wrong enemy this whole time. She wasn't going to make that mistake again.

********************************

It was 2am and she could hear Phil breathing on the ground. She wasn’t used to people in her room. It was her space and it was violated.

“Run?” she asked into the heavy silence.

“Yes, please,” Phil agreed. They went to the gym and ran until they were both sweating and muscles were screaming.

They went to the locker room and showered well away from each other and Phil went ahead to make them tea.

When Jemma followed she saw Fitz asleep on the couch alone. She went over and kissed his head. “I gave Mack my bed,” he said falling back asleep.

“My noble scientist,” she whispered and tossed a blanket over him. She walked over to their table. It was strange she realized, how possessive she had grown of the corner nook. They drank the tea and it was painful the quiet.

“You don’t have to fuck me,” Jemma blurted out. “Oh lord,” she hung her head. She heard Phil make a noise and worried he was crying, the stress of the new rules breaking him. But when she looked up he was laughing a little. “It wasn’t that funny.”

“It wasn’t,” he agreed. “But if I don’t laugh, I’m likely to go on a murderous rampage.” He quieted and looked at her. “Can we talk about brie?”

“Dreadful substance,” she said immediately. “Hate the stuff.”

“But that means you trust me.”

Jemma looked at him. “I do. Completely.”

“How? You hated me.”

“Because if you were going to kill me, all you would have had to do was waited for me to destroy myself at 2am,” Jemma said. “You saved me, Phil.”

“I busted my ass on a treadmill. I saved you when I jumped out of a plane.”

“So you saved me twice. And I’m going to save you this time,” Jemma said. “You’ll bunk in my room, and I’ll fake an orgasm for the bugs I’m sure were put in place.”

“Fitz did a sweep, they all seem to be malfunctioning. Oops,” Phil said.

They finished their tea and returned to their quarters. Phil started to settle on the ground but Jemma reached out a hand. 

“The bed is big enough, and we’re both adults. I imagine, you’ve been on more than one op where you shared space.”

Phil looked at her carefully before nodding and sliding into the other side. Jemma turned off the lamp, leaving just the small glow from a night light.

“I’m afraid of the dark,” she said quietly.

“Plenty of things to be afraid of in it,” Phil agreed.

“Phil, tell me two truths and a lie,” Jemma requested.

He was quiet for a minute. “I can never spell because without actually spelling it out as I type, I intensely dislike ice cream, and I trust you too.”

“Who hates ice cream?” she asked after a minute.

“Good job. I have sensitive teeth,” Phil explained. “It just hurts. Your turn.”

“I threatened to kill Jordan if he touched you, I have already thrown out the clothes from the op, and I once met Prince Charles and told him he had a funny nose.”

Phil laughed. “No way did you say that to Jordan.” He yawned. “Good night.” After a bit of quiet, he whispered, “you should have kept the dress. You looked lovely.”

Jemma smiled to herself, he once again guessed wrong, and to be fair she had been 6 when she said that to the prince. The dressed was wrapped in tissue in a box marked private at the back of the closet.

  
“I’m going to keep you as safe as you’ve been keeping me,” she promised. “And you looked very lovely too.” 


	10. Hank

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mack POV

He woke up in the room alone yet again. Which meant Fitz was out on the couch. Again. Fool didn't seem to have a problem being pushed from his own bed. One that Mack didn't even fit in. Fitz was a freaking Hobbit, comparatively speaking, when he stood beside Mack.

Mack grabbed the spare blanket from the foot of the bed and got up and went to the main room and sure enough there was Fitz sleeping. He nodded to Phil and Jemma who were sitting in their corner, not that they really noticed. At least one of them had tossed a blanket over Fitz. He added his on top, sure the man had to be cold. He needed to change this. Situation was shit enough they didn't both need bad backs.

“Come on, Turbo, wake up,” Mack said softly. “Not carrying you.”

“Bugger off, dreaming about Ada Lovelace and Hedy Lamarr having a cuppa,” Fitz curled into the couch even more.

“It that a sex dream?” Mack asked. He looked up. “Jemma he’s dreaming about -” he called over to the table.

“Is it the Hedy Lamarr dream?” she asked.

“Yeah.”

“Nope, not a sex dream. He just wants to watch those two women have done math together,” Jemma went back to her tea. “I think his Newton dreams are sex dreams.”

Phil looked at Mack. “I dream about Emma Peel,” confused.

“Oh I love her, I went as her for Halloween one year,” Jemma said innocently.

Mack tried not to laugh as he could see the flush on Phil’s ears from where he was.

“Turbo, you can dream about women doing math in your own bed,” Mack muttered.

Fitz grumbled and pulled one of the blankets with him, wearing it like a superhero blanket as they went back to their room. 

Mack opened the door and fixed the pillows that he had thrown around. He turned and saw Fitz was asleep standing up, the fool. He went over and picked him up gently and put him on the bed. Fitz snuggled down. “Ward,” he said in his sleep. “Best ever.”

Mack nodded to himself. “Right he was the best ever,” he said sarcastically. He looked at the strip of space on the bed and decided to take the chair. A bad back was the better option after all.

*******************

“Don’t you have work in the lab?” Mack asked as he worked on an SUV that Skye had taken out and used to try to stop a tank. Work was a generous term, he was basically cannabalizing it for parts. He pulled out the transmission, shocked that it was intact. He could feel Fitz looking at him.

“I know how engines work,” Fitz said.

“I imagine you would,” Mack agreed.

“I build computers and weapons, and do math that can end the world,” Fitz said.

“Always comforting,” Mack joked.

“What’s that?” Fitz pointed to Mack’s sprawl of car parts.

“The alternator?” Mack was surprised. He was sure that Fitz knew all the parts. And then he remembered. Fitz was getting better with his words, didn’t mean he was all better. Mack started pointing at each part and said their names and functions and watched Fitz catalogue it all.

Mack then picked up a giant mallet. “And this?”

“A big fucking persuader,” Fitz said. 

Mack snorted and began to bang on the door while Fitz made notes in his journal. 30 minutes later, Mack figured he had reaped all he could and called over a guy to haul away the carcass. There was another car he’d be able to fix up with what he pulled out. He put down the mallet and stripped his over shirt off and used it to wipe the sweat off his face.

“The shirt was already sweaty and dirty, how does that help?” Fitz asked.

“Feels like it does,” Mack said. He looked over and Fitz was holding out a bottle of water and a small towel. “Where’d those come from?” Fitz just shrugged. “Well thanks, man.” He guzzled down the water and sat beside Fitz while he waited for the car switch out. “How’s your therapy going?” he asked.

Fitz held up his bad hand and it was slow but he was able to touch his thumb to each finger, though it clearly still hurt a bit. Mack didn’t think and took Fitz’s hand and massaged the meat of the thumb, easing the cramp he could tell was there.

“I have to go,” Fitz said and hurried away, wrapping his cardigan around him as he left.

“Shit,” Mack said. He had screwed that up.

**************************

“Come on, everyone has that secret weapon, they wish they could have no matter how impractical,” Skye said in the kitchen, while cutting up peppers. “May, tell them.”

May was cutting steak. “I am a weapon,” she said dryly.

Skye almost lost a finger. “Okay one, no being so fucking scary/sexy while making fajitas for everyone, and two, really? Nothing?”

May smiled a little but shook her head, “Really don’t have a dream weapon.”

“That’s because you don’t want to say Batgirl utility belt,” Phil said from where he was shredding cheese. May threw a tea towel at him.

“At least I don’t name my goddamn taser,” she replied.

“Dum Dum saved our lives more than once,” he answered.

Jemma was reading at a table. “Not Rogers?”

“No, the taser always felt like Dum Dum,” Phil said thoughtfully. “I miss him.”

“I can requisition you a taser easily enough,” Jemma said.

“Yeah, we have like 40 sitting in a box,” Skye frowned.

“It’s not Dum Dum,” Melinda and Phil said at the same time, Phil sadly, Melinda exasperated.

“Okay then. Jem?” Skye asked. “You’ve been in the field more, any dream weapons?”

“Shoes that have the knives in the toe,” Jemma said after a moment. “Oh or those high heels where you strike the heel right they start a fire.”

Skye nodded, “I like it. Clearly I want super powers.”

“Clearly,” everyone agreed.

Fitz looked at Mack. “What about you?”

Mack smiled, “Shotgun axe.”

Fitz frowned, “You mean a shotgun that shoots axes, that seems improbable. How would I even build that? I mean maybe tiny axes like shrapnel, but -”

Mack bit back a laugh at how Fitz was seriously contemplating that idea. “No, a shotgun that somehow has an axe attached to it.”

“Why?” May asked. She began to heat a pan.

“Practical,” Mack said. “Shotgun is my favourite gun, and having an axe attached? Can break down a door, becomes a more effective up close weapon, while maintaining range. Plus, I’d look super badasss and if we’re talking dream weapon style should come into play a little bit.”

Skye pointed a knife at him. “Painted all black, maybe a nice silver edge on the axe?”

“Yes, that sounds cool,” Mack agreed.

“If you dropped it, you could lose a toe,” Fitz said.

“So I wouldn’t drop it,” Mack answered.

“Can I have a monkey?” Fitz asked.

“No, Fitz, a monkey wouldn’t be a very good dream weapon, would it?” Jemma said.

“No, just asking if I can have a monkey,” Fitz smiled at Skye.

“No,” she threw her peppers into May’s pan.

When the food was put on the table, Mack could tell that Fitz’s hand was bad and quietly made the food up for him while everyone argued best weapons.

*************************

Mack sat behind the wheel of the car bored out of his mind. Skye and Melinda were waiting on a contact and he had to be ready to intervene but this was likely to be cut and dried. He drummed his fingers on the wheel and debating turning the radio on.

His comm crackled on. “You look a little suspicious Mack,” Melinda said. “Go for a walk through the shops.” 

Mack was happy to stretch his legs and went and grabbed a coffee and did some window shopping. He paused at a bookstore, at the window display. He ducked inside and made a quick purchase and got it to the trunk of the car before Skye and Melinda saw. 

They drove home and Mack made sure they were gone before he grabbed the bag. He hurried to their bedroom, and was relieved that Fitz wasn’t there. He pulled out the small Curious George stuffed animal and placed it on Fitz’s pillow.

The guy should have some sort of monkey.

***************************

“Can feel you staring at me, Turbo,” Mack said from under the car.

“You got me a monkey,” Fitz said.

“Saw it on a job, picked it up, no big,” Mack answered casually. He wondered if Fitz had been offended by the child’s toy. “Can drop it in a donation box somewhere, if you don’t like it.”

There was no answer and when he pushed himself out from under the car Fitz was gone.

Mack wondered if Fitz was going back to sleeping on the couch.

***************************

“Your new mattress is here,” Skye said as she passed by Mack. “Should be a lot more comfy for you. Sorry it took so long.” She kept walking like Mack knew what she was talking about.

Mack had been headed to the gym but turned to the bedroom. Sure enough there was now an extra long queen taking up way too much space in Fitz’s room. He dropped himself onto it, and sighed in comfort. His feet weren’t hanging over the edge.

“That’s my side of the bed,” Fitz said from the door.

“Having a moment here, Fitz,” Mack closed his eyes. “Permission, Principle, to take a nap?”

“Granted,” Fitz left, closing the door.

Mack sighed and rolled over and promptly fell asleep. When he woke up, there was a box beside him and he wondered how someone got so close without waking him up. He opened it up and pulled away the tissue paper. “Shit,” he breathed out. He picked up the shotgun axe.

When he thought about it he frankly expected an axe duck taped to a shotgun, and he would have been thrilled with that. But this was clearly properly done, so that the axe was firmly attached but with three quick flicks on locks could be removed. It was heavy but not unmanageable at all and it was just fucking perfect. It was even the black and silver they had all joked about.

It was his dream weapon. And only Fitz could have made it. He wondered if Fitz knew they had a crazy mission coming up and wanted him to be prepared. He carried it through the building and took it to the range, to get comfortable with it, so he was ready for the orders he was sure were coming down.

Skye was there with her sniper rifle. “Hey Mack,” she said not looking up from her sights.

“How’d you know it was me?”

“Footsteps. May has been doing these exercises with me, making me learn how all of you sound, so I know whether something is a threat or not,” Skye shot carefully and was pleased with the perfect third eye. “Starting to get the hang of this.” She looked over. “Oh my god, is that shotgun axe?”

“Hell, yes,” Mack held him out. It. He wasn’t like Phil and going to name it. “Hank here is a thing of beauty isn’t he?” Oh look, he named it.

Skye snorted a little. “Hi, Hank,” she said. When she got up and made to touch it, Mack pulled it close. 

“My baby,” Mack said. “Besides need to get used to it for the upcoming mission.”

“Nothing big in the pipeline,” Skye said.

“Huh. Then why did Fitz make this?” Mack asked. He went and put in his code for access to the bullets.

Skye lay back down with her gun. She took a couple more shots and then laughed.

“What?” Mack asked.

“Nothing, just remembering. Even when Fitz had all his words, he was horrible at flirting. He built Ward this mod for the man’s sniper rifle to show him he liked him.” Skye laughed some more. “Can you imagine?”

Mack frowned and looked at Hank. It was different. He went and took his position. “Fire in the hole,” he called out. The thing fired perfectly. It wasn’t a symbol though. It was just a superior weapon, to make sure that he could do his job as Shield of Fitz.

********************

Mack was scared, he had no problem admitting it. The four men from the Hub stood there. Two Principles and their shields. The shields were tense.

He was fucking tense.

“Request denied,” Skye said calmly.

“You can’t deny a request from the director,” one of the men said.

“I absolutely can,” Skye countered. “You are asking to take away one of my team, without explanation, or time limit, and ignoring that he has no Xes and is the Shield of Fitz who received no personal request for his property to be removed.” Skye shot an apologetic look to Mack.

Mack would be angry about the terminology later. Right now, he was praying for a miracle. Because he knew if he went anywhere without Fitz or the team, he wasn’t coming back.

“Jordan would consider it a personal favour,” the other man said. He moved closer to Skye, hand going inside his coat.

May snarled and stepped in front of Skye and put the man on the ground. His shield smiled a little first before stepping in to take care of his Principle.

“I was just reaching for a letter,” the man said. “Calvary stand down.”

Skye went around May and stepped on the man’s throat. “Don’t call her that,” she said and she yanked the letter out of his hand.

The man’s shield helped him up and then both shields stood in front of their Principle’s with their guns out.

Skye quickly read the letter and passed it to Fitz who skimmed it. And then read it again before nodding.

Mack began to sweat when Fitz kept nodding.

Fitz handed the letter to Skye. “Request denied,” he said. “And there are no circumstances wherein I will allow my shield to go to the Hub without my supervision, or that of the whole team. Remember, the rules say, a shield can only go somewhere with my permission. I do nae give it.”

“Jordan will be upset,” the one man warned.

“Jordan can go hang,” Fitz said. “He isn’t touching Mack, and iffen he does, I’ll kill everyone at the Hub. Don’t doubt that I can do it.”

“We have our orders,” the one man insisted. “Shield, perform your duties.”

The shields moved closer and froze when Fitz pumped them full of icer bullets. He shot the Principles too, for good measure.

The whole team stared at Fitz. “What?” he asked. He looked at the gun in his hand. “My dream weapon. What should we do with them?” he pointed at them.

“Phil, help me cart them out to their car,” May said finally. “Skye, Jemma, start coming up with some very good lies to tell HQ.” May looked at Fitz. “Just...go somewhere else while we fix this.”

“Nothing to fix, Mack doesn’t go with them. Ye know as well as I do, Jordan is barking mad, and if he pulls any of us into his web, we don’t come back.” Fitz said.

Phil looked at him. “What do you mean?”

Mack looked at Fitz. “Turbo what do you figure out?”

“How don’t you see the pattern?” Fitz asked them.

“What pattern, Fitz?” Skye moved closer.

“What he’s had us do, what he’s been doing to agents? There is a plan buried in there. I cannae see all the pieces. But all of this, from day one? It’s been because he wants something, is desperate for it. He’s trying to find something, and he’s realized whatever it is, it goes through us,” Fitz explained.

“Shit,” Phil said. “We need to dig deep.”

“How deep?” May asked.

Phil looked at her. “We need to go to the sandbox. And maybe a few other places.” He looked at the frozen bodies. “Let’s deal with this and then we’ll figure it out.”

Mack realized he was shaking just a little, the realization that if the team were different people, if Fitz was a different person, he’d likely be off to his death. “Principle,” he managed to say.

That got everyone to work and Fitz took Mack to their room. Mack sat on the end of the bed and tried to breathe.

Fitz sort of hovered, arms crossed, and waited.

“I’d be dead,” Mack managed to say.

“Nae, not letting that happen,” Fitz said, sure.

“Not sure you’ll be able to stop it.”

“We will,” Fitz promised.

“Why you care so much?” Mack asked. “Can always get another shield.”

“Because you saw me,” Fitz said. “You listened to me, when no one else was. Because you got me a monkey.”

“You got rid of it,” Mack replied.

Fitz shook his head. He opened his underwear drawer, and pulled out Curious George.

“Why did you make me a shotgun axe, Fitz?” Mack asked, looking up at the man.

“Because,” Fitz said and jaw tightened, like the words were all locked up again. 

Mack stood up and moved in front of Fitz. He carefully touched Fitz’s jaw and thought the man leaned into it just a little. 

He waited while Fitz collected himself. “Because we aren’t like Skye and May, where I can get a fake bracelet made up. We haven’t been together for years, that would be stupid. And words don’t work, they never work, and you are so...you, and not like him, and you wouldn’t believe me if I said I no longer cared about him. And thanks to the rules and the bullshit we live in, I cannae just say hey Mack you are gorgeous and funny and clever, how about we get a cuppa or a beer sometime. Because politics and power and how do ye even consent to that? And why would ye want me anyways and -”

Mack bent down and kissed Fitz, just to stop the words that were pouring from him. And because Fitz deserved a good kiss.

It was just a quick kiss, mouth closed, Fitz’s lips so dry and Mack moved back.

Fitz looked at him in shock.

“You need another one, Turbo?” Mack asked quietly. Fitz nodded silent and Mack kissed him again, this time a little more thoroughly. “We’re all kinds of fucked up here,” Mack said when the second kiss ended. “But in other circumstances if we had met, coffee would have been great.”

“I don’t know what that means,” Fitz said. “What does that mean about us?”

Mack looked at the bracelet on his wrist. “It means that we get all of this sorted? You and me, Turbo, we’re going on a fucking date.”

“Oh,” Fitz bit his lip. “Does that mean no kisses until we defeat the bad guy?”

Mack smiled. “No, I think we can get a few more of those in. You made me Hank, that deserves a bunch more kisses.”

“You named it Hank? Why? That is just the dumbest name. It is so hillbilly! That is a weapon of surprising precision -” Mack once again kissed Fitz to shut him up. He had a feeling that would be the basis of at least half their kisses.

  
He didn’t mind.


	11. Exotic Destinations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A mix of Phil and Jemma POV

“Request denied, huh?” Phil asked Skye. They sat in her office. Skye had been trying for weeks now to get them access to some SHIELD bases but had been given the runaround.

“So denied,” Skye agreed. “In fact if anyone on my team steps near the Sandbox without a written letter of approval from Jordan in hand we are to be detained immediately in level 10 of the Sandbox.” Skye looked at him. “What’s level 10?”

“You don’t want to know,” Phil said. He thought about it. “That means there is something there. He wouldn’t be going to these lengths if everything was above board.”

“Or it could just be a punishment for shooting the team that came to collect Mack,” Skye suggested.

Phil shook his head. “No, see that was a test.”

She looked at him. “How do you figure?”

“He wanted to know how strong we were, how cohesive a team. Mack was the one he thought we’d be most likely to sacrifice. Everyone in SHIELD knows that you and Melinda will die, or more realistically, kill anyone who tries to separate you,” Phil explained with a small smile. “You really make her happy. I swear I saw a smile the other night when you walked in the room.”

Skye ducked her head a little. “She’s the best,” she said.

“She is,” Phil agreed.

“Were you two ever? I mean I know you guys are friends...but, you have this look, this thing, and just...you know, long night in a safe house, you two ever consider being together?” Skye kept her eyes on her notes.

“Have you asked Melinda this?” Phil asked.

Skye shook her head.

“No,” Phil said. “We may have, we flirted a little, and perhaps if things had worked out differently once we would have gone on a date, but we didn’t and then she had Andrew,” Phil shrugged easily. “She means a lot to me, but not that way. She feels the same.” He looked at Skye. “And she and I are just incompatible in certain areas.” He hoped she understood.

Skye did. “Okay, just wondered. You two have this thing where you have like paragraphs of dialogue in an eye squint.”

“Be agents as long as us and you’ll get there. But we need to focus again,” Phil reminded her. He was getting used to how meetings with Skye meandered, her never being taught proper command skill sets, but they always got the work done.

“Right. So break apart me and Mel, and you just end up with a lot of other broken people,” Skye said. “And after what Jemma did, no way are they touching you.”

Phil frowned. “What Jemma did?”

Skye laughed. “Come on, it was pretty bad ass wasn’t it?”

Phil shook his head, “Skye, I don’t know what you are talking about.”

“When she threatened to kill Jordan when he asked her to give you up. She wrote it up so we could be prepared for blow back. She did it all subtle something about putting poison in the ventilation system or something if he ever tried to get you.” Skye grinned. “Total stone cold murder without a flinch. Which means they thought to go at Mack, and it turns out Fitz reacts rather passionately to that. So if they can’t break us apart, it means try restricting us and our movements. Phil?” Skye asked when he looked checked out.

“Hmmm?”

“Unless you have another way in, we have to find answers other places than the Sandbox,” Skye said.

“Sure, yeah. Good meeting.” Phil nodded. “Understood, use alternate and terrifying methods to get what we need. Go nuclear, good plan. Bye.” Phil hurried out ignoring Skye’s trying to get him back.

He walked through the playground down to the labs. Fitz and Simmons were chatting away about something and he watched them. They were in sync these days, finally past the worst of it all. And right now very unified in trying to figure out what was going on. Simmons had her hair pulled back. Phil liked it like that, it showed off her neck, her jawline.

He had been noticing more and more how attractive she was but he had worked with beautiful people before and ignored it.

“Principle Simmons, a word?” Phil asked.

“Need to finish this up,” she said, as she moved around the equipment. “20 minutes? Kitchen or quarters?”

“Quarters,” Phil decided. He needed to make sure they weren’t interrupted. He walked to their room and sat on the bed but that felt awkward. He went to the desk in the corner but somehow that felt creepy, sitting there waiting for the door to open. Stalkery. He ended up pacing until she showed up.

“Are you an idiot?” he asked. He paused, that was not how he meant to start.

“No, I think you well know I am not,” Jemma said sharply.

“You don’t go against Jordan, he’s amassed too much power,” Phil said. He kept up the pacing. “You can’t just threaten to kill him.”

“Ah, Skye told you. And I didn’t threaten to kill him. I just explained that if you were taken away, it was likely I would have an accident with something deadly. You help me keep focused.” 

“That’s still a threat against the director, well couched, but still,” Phil said. 

“Threat implies there might not be follow through. They touch you, they die, it is that simple,” Jemma said.

Phil frowned at her. “You need to be careful, you matter far more than me.”

“I don’t believe that,” Jemma said. She straightened her shoulders. “You would do all sorts of untold things to keep me safe. Poisoning one vile man seems a reasonable exchange. If that is all, I have experiments that need work on.”

“That’s not all, Jordan is blocking our access to locations that might have answers,” Phil said. “Following the rules is not going to get us what we need.”

“What will?” Jemma asked.

“We need to go out so I can leave a message somewhere.” Phil looked at her. “And I need you to not ask any questions yet. Because this might not pan out.”

“Where do we need to go?”

“Coney Island,” he smiled a little. “I’ll buy you some cotton candy.”

**********************************

Phil loved Coney Island. It was broken, and tacky, and made him think of his family. He went to a vendor and bought a huge bag of cotton candy.

“That is just pure sugar,” Jemma said. She stared at the bag dubiously.

“Now, now it is also dye,” Phil reached in and pulled a big hunk out and ate it, humming as he licked his fingers clean. He held out the bag and his eyes crinkled a bit in joy when she took some. “So try to win some games, or enjoy the rides first?”

“The games are rigged and the rides will kill us,” Jemma took a little more cotton candy. “Appalling lunch,” she muttered.

Phil didn’t care. “I’ve seen you live for 36 hours on tea.”

“I’m not getting on a ride after just eating this,” she warned. “I will sick up a smurf.”

“Vendors it is,” Phil said easily. He kept munching the cotton candy and offering her some as he kept up a running talk about the history of Coney Island. “Here we go,” he said.

“Those milk bottles are rigged to stay up,” she warned.

“Fine, I won’t win you that zombie bear,” Phil said.

“Good lord,” Jemma looked up at the rather bizarre animals hanging from the ceiling. “The cat is actually sort of cute with the brains seeping out.”

“Cat, got it,” Phil agreed. “You know the trick with this sort of game, it’s really easy actually.”

“Is it now?” the old man working the booth asked.

“Sure, all you have to do is not miss,” Phil explained.

“Everyone misses at some point.”

“Not everyone,” Phil threw the ball up in his hand tested the weight. “See me, I did good in soft ball as a kid, made all star in baseball in high school.” His first ball nicked the bottles but didn’t knock anything over. “The trick is to strip away around 7 levels of thinking, dig your toe into the sand and just let go.” The bottles knocked over.

“Everyone’s a winner,” the man called out. “What you want as your prize?”

“The cat there,” Phil pointed. He looked at the man. “You’ve changed your wares. Used to be a lot more red in here.”

“Change with the times. Kids like dead things that aren’t so dead,” he said and handed Phil the cat. “Want to go again?”

“No two balls is all I needed. More and I’m likely to shoot myself in the face,” Phil joked. “Have a good day.” He turned to Jemma. “Your cat.”

Jemma took it, the cheap fur was surprisingly soft. She gave it a small squeeze. “Mack got Fitz a stuffed monkey and you got me a dead cat. It feels like a Disney channel show.”

“Well, I think that means we are do to ride the Ferris Wheel,” Phil pointed to it. “The view is great.” He watched her swallow. “You jumped out of a plane you aren’t scared of heights.”

“It is more the swaying,” she said.

Phil nodded and quickly thought through their options for what he needed to do. And there was only one of other that worked. “So then the Tunnel of Love.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yup,” Phil said. “Your choices are swaying up high, or needing a hazmat shower after.”

“Hazmat,” Jemma agreed reluctantly.  

They walked over and got behind two other couples who were giggling teenagers who had clearly cut school. Phil sighed when they looked at him and giggled some more.

“You know the tunnel of love isn’t for fathers and daughters right?” a girl boldly said. “That would make you creepy.”

Phil was ready to give them a perfectly bland smile, he was well aware of how he and Jemma looked, but he wasn’t here just to have a day off of fun.

Jemma leaned forward. “You fucked that walking cliche you are here with yet?” Phil and the girl both stared her in shock. “He managed to ever find your g-spot? Let me guess you go down all the time and he doesn’t, because ‘it feels weird’. So laugh all you want, I go home with a man who has me rolling in multiple orgasms whenever I want and doesn’t have to say that he’s sorry when in comes after three pathetic thrusts because he has the stamina to go however long I want. And thinks going down on me is sexy as fuck. Enjoy your tunnel of love with a boy who is going to squeeze your tit like it is a stress ball.”

The girl paled and looked ready to fight but her boyfriend pulled her onto their boat and gave her a quick slap on the ass. When she looked over at Jemma, Jemma just waved.

“She was 17,” Phil chided. “She didn’t need decimating.”

“She was rude.”

“I’m 50. I am old enough to be your father,” he said.

“Still,” Jemma said. “I deplore rudeness and assumptions.” She stepped up to the platform as their boat appeared. 

Phil helped her in and sat down. “Well at least it wasn’t all a lie,” he said. "I do really find going down on a woman sexy as fuck."

“I beg your pardon?” It was Jemma’s turn to stare in shock but the boat took off into the ride and he mimed keeping quiet.

Phil hit a small switch on the way in and started to tap on the side of the boat. He saw Jemma catch on and she stayed still while he finished the morse code. It was a quick bit of data and now they just had to wait for the ride to end. It was as horrible as he remembered.

Around the curve a skeleton jumped out at them and Jemma yelled and flung herself at Phil. Phil held her close, ran a hand down her hair. “Not a fan of jump scares?”  She shook her head.  “Two more coming up, you might want to -” Phil winced as she squeezed. “You are really strong.”

“Our lab equipment is better than free weights,” she said into his shirt. 

Phil ran his hand up and down her back. “Okay the rest is fine.”

Jemma lingered for another moment before she pulled away. “Sorry,” she said.

“No reason to be.”

They got off the ride. “What next?” Jemma asked.

“Nothing, unless there is something you want.”

“No, I’m fine, thank you. This was...interesting.”

They walked back to their car and Jemma shouted. Phil reached for his gun.

“I forgot that cat,” Jemma said. She looked honestly upset.

“I’ll go back,” Phil offered.

“I’m sure they already threw it out, it’s fine.” She got in the car and buckled in. Phil thought about going back, but they needed to head out. It was a stupid cat anyways.

*****************************

They were on the bus a month later, the whole team off to deal with some goose chase Jordan had them sent on. Jemma couldn’t find her sample boxes and had to go down to the storage area.

She was rooting through bins and was getting frustrated. She pulled one open and screamed.

Phil came running, gun out. 

Jemma just pointed in the bin. There was her zombie cat, with an arrow now sticking out of the brain gap.

Phil put the gun away and smiled. “They got the message.”

“That’s my cat.”

“It seems so. Need to see that arrowhead under a blacklight, Jemma. Because I bet the people who put it there are meeting us soon.”

Jemma nodded and picked up the cat carefully. They took it up to the lab and there were coordinates in the smallest possible print on the arrow head. “May and Skye will have to handle the mission. Mack and Fitz will be enough backup. We have a meeting at a sex dungeon.”

Jemma felt her shoulders slump. “Just once couldn’t you just take me to a nice restaurant, maybe a play?”

“Sure if we were dating I would,” Phil said not really paying attention. He was quivering with energy. “Do you have any leather on board?”

“No, not really standard lab gear.”

“That meeting blazer? The blue one?”

“Yes, that was packed.”

“Good, that could work with nothing underneath.”

“It’s single button,” Jemma crossed her arms over herself.

“So don’t wiggle a lot.” Phil smiled. “No big deal.”

*********************

Jemma felt naked, and awkward. It wasn’t a dungeon. It was an above ground dance club. That had people fornicating at will it seemed. And Phil was in a suit, and looking commanding and impressive. She felt like a child playing dress up. She watched him scan the room.

“We need to dance,” he said.

“I can dance, like we did before,” she said. She had added a couple safety pins to make sure the jacket stayed closed.

“Not quite.” Phil pulled her into the middle of the dance floor and held her tight. She swallowed when his hand slid to her ass. “Sorry, Principle Simmons, but we need to blend in. And it is this or be one of the couples against the wall.” 

Jemma looked over and saw a lot of flesh. She ducked her head into Phil’s throat. Tried to hide. Tried not to notice how warm his hands were, or how firm his chest felt. And good lord, they were basically grinding. It was humiliating. And making her ache inside a little bit.

“How about you share the wealth?” A woman in a thick accent said. Jemma stepped back a little. 

“Of course,” she said, though she felt oddly reluctant to give Phil up.

But Phil held her tight. “Only if you do the same,” Phil said to the woman that Jemma couldn’t see.

“Aww, she’s happy to share, isn’t she?” A man said. 

Jemma started to turn towards the voice but then felt herself be pulled back and she was against a woman’s body. The woman wrapped a hand low on Jemma’s stomach and began to sway them together. Jemma stared at Phil feeling awkward and a little helpless.

And why was he staring at her like he was hungry? The woman behind her must be beautiful. Jemma gulped when the man went up to Phil and kissed him hard before they started dancing filthy and close.

“Wow,” Jemma said.

She felt the woman’s lips on her throat, kissing and nipping and she was ready to push the woman away.

“They always had a chemistry together,” the woman said. “But neither wanted anything from it. Sort of like Phil and Melinda. Phil never looked at them the way he does you, when you aren’t looking. He spends hours looking at you,” the woman whispered, accent smoothing out. “The look he has for you, the one you don’t see is the only reason we haven’t killed you.”

Jemma tried to yank away, but the woman’s grip was too strong.

“We are watching you though, we have been this whole time. And he’s brought us in finally. We shall see what you are made of, if you are worthy of him.”

“I don’t understand what you mean,” Jemma said. She watched the man lead Phil away, making it look to the room like they were going off to have fun. She was being nudged forward.

“No you don’t,” the woman agreed. “But perhaps you will in time. He deserves love and passion. Your circumstances make it difficult. But he is worth a leap of the heart. If you believe in that sort of thing.” The woman shoved Jemma into a room and locked the door behind them.

Jemma didn’t think, just struck out like Phil had taught her. She didn’t land her punch at all. The woman easily thwarted it.

“You need to improve her lessons, Coulson.”

“She’s coming along for a lab rat, Natasha, give her time.” Phil swept the woman up in a hug and the man bounced around them and then forced himself into the embrace. The three stood like that, silent, grasping each other tightly.

Jemma stepped back and took a seat. She would burn the clothes later.

Phil broke the hug. “Principle Simmons -”

Natasha snarled and the man looked pissed. “You are not her property, you do not kneel to a child.”

“I’m not a child. I’m Doctor Simmons. I have -” Jemma quieted as Natasha put a gun in her face.

“Black Widow, stand down,” Coulson ordered. “You too, Hawkeye, I can feel you reaching for a weapon. I respect Jemma, and she has kept me safe. May trusts her and so do I. Stand down,” he repeated.

Weapons slowly disappeared.

Jemma didn't know whether to be in awe or terrified that she was in a room with the most dangerous SHIELD agents to ever exist. 

Phil sat next to Jemma and Jemma tried to subtly scoot closer to him. Hawkeye's smirk suggest it was not subtle at all. “Did you find it?” Phil asked. "Did you find anything?"

“This is who you contacted. They were killed," Jemma said. "Jordan reported that they were dead."

Clint smiled. “Nah, well I mean sure I was mostly dead, but that means partly alive. And SHIELD could never take Natasha down. We were just biding our time. Followed the orders Fury gave us, which were essentially wait for Coulson’s orders. And then we got them.” Clint smiled. “Security at the Sandbox is shit these days.”

Jemma’s eyes widened and she looked at Phil. “You sent people who were supposed to be dead but have a just in case kill on sight order, into the most heavily monitored facility SHIELD has?”

“We needed to know if anything was missing beyond the inventory that was taken during the coup attempt.” Phil shrugged. “They were our best bet.”

“Hill sends her regards. She said when you need her, just call. She’s with Stark right now. He also is willing to help,” Natasha said.

“How is he?” Phil asked.

Clint frowned. “Not good, but thinks maybe he has a way to slow down the blood poisoning. He was in full mad scientist mode when we left.”

“And?”

Natasha nodded. “You were right, files, and one box are missing from the 0-8-4 high threat level room. It’s the first 0-8-4, that Agent Carter got of Hydra at the end of the war.”

Phil whistled low. “That is really not good. I know the stories, no one could ever figure out what it did, it killed anyone who touched it. They just knew HYDRA had planned something huge with it.” He looked at them. “Thank you.”

“You don’t want to thank us quite yet,” Clint said. He pulled a box out from under the sofa.

Jemma wanted a weapon all of a sudden. “Shield Coulson, why are they smiling like that? Those aren’t good smiles.” Jemma was terrified of those smiles.

“We figured since stuff was already missing, one of two more things wouldn’t be a problem. Stole some fun stuff and then you know how Natasha likes her paperwork.” Clint beamed at Natasha, waited for her to share their big find.

“Jordan took the 0-8-4 for some reason,” Natasha said. “So we thought it was only fair you had something along those lines as well.”

“A gun?” Phil asked.

Natasha pulled a file from the box. “Why give you something you already have?” She opened it and handed it to Phil.

Jemma couldn’t focus on the words, they kept blurring on the page. Her eyes could only see the two photos, a baby shot, and an academy entrance shot. Her nails dug into Phil’s thigh. “I don’t understand,” Jemma said. “That’s -”

“An 0-8-4. A human 0-8-4,” Natasha said. “And according to her file, her buried so deep I don’t think Jordan even knew it existed file, her doesn’t exist in any digital format whatsoever file, her name is Daisy, not Skye.” Natasha smiled a small, dangerous thing. “You had a weapon under your nose this whole time. The question now becomes how do we set it off?”

**********************

Jordan sat in his apartment and carefully opened the box. The statue was beautiful. But he didn’t touch it, he wasn’t worthy yet. But he would be soon.

He picked up his phone. “I have it. The statue, the painting, everything you needed, I have.”

“Not quite everything,” she said. “We still need Coulson to bring it all together.”

“I’ll have him soon,” Jordan said. “I promise, Raina, we’ll be changing the world very soon.”

“I know we will,” Raina agreed and hung up.


	12. 0-8-4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Skye POV

“Run it again,” Skye said. She was sitting on a medical bed and stared down Jemma. “Do it all over.”

“Skye, I’ve done it three times now,” Jemma said holding onto her last thread of patience. “And there is nothing different. You blood samples are the same they have always been and show no anomalies. When held up against blind samples from around the Playground they don’t look any different. You are human Skye, everything suggests you are human.”

“Then I wouldn’t be classified as an 0-8-4. So do more tests. Brain waves, full body scan, map my goddamn DNA but find out what I am.”

“You are Skye!” Jemma put down her data pad. “You are our boss, and friend, and right now you are a pain in the ass. But whatever else you might be - I can’t find it.”

Skye’s jaw firmed. She picked up the pad and put it in Jemma’s hands. “Run the tests again.”

“Fine,” Jemma clenched her jaw and reached for a needle. It took a while to find a clean place to draw. The inside of Skye’s arms were bruised from all the places she had already taken blood. Once Skye left, she sent a note to Melinda, to check on Skye. This was going to end poorly.

**********************

Skye sat in her office and hunted through the system. She was tracking down every 0-8-4 that SHIELD had ever found. It was taking a long time to wade through, but no matter how far she looked, how deep she went, it seemed she was the only baby that was ever classified as such. 

She was what she had always wanted - special, different. And it was making her sick. Skye didn’t look up when Melinda came in. “I’m fine,” she said.

“Okay,” Melinda agreed. She came around and leaned against the desk beside Skye.

“Shut up, I am,” Skye said. She tried to keep typing but Melinda picked up her hand and pushed up the sleeve of her sweatshirt. Melinda traced a gentle finger over all the blood draw spots and Skye shivered.

“You are being relentless.”

“I learned it from watching you,” Skye joked. It fell flat.

Melinda nodded. “I know. I never wanted you to learn that from me. How to cook, how to fight,” she smirked a little, “how to kiss.”

“I was a great kisser!” Skye protested. She could feel her spine letting go of a small bit of tension.

“Fish mouth and so much spit,” Melinda teased. She only teased Skye. She tugged on the arm and Skye stood up. Melinda touched her cheek and gave her a soft kiss. “You need to stop.”

“I can’t,” Skye said. “The Black Widow. The one and only Black Widow called me a weapon, the best chance we have against Jordan. And she knows from weapons. So if she says I am this thing, that can save all of us, I have to be that thing. I have to save us.” Skye’s voice was broken, scared. “I have to be -”

“You have to be Skye,” Melinda said firmly. “A woman who is all heart, and a fierce intelligence. Someone who can hack any system. You saved us when HYDRA was planning to attack and you are saving us everyday here. That’s enough.”

Skye shook her head and stepped back. “No it isn’t. I need to find out what sort of weapon I am.”

“You aren’t a weapon, you are a human,” Melinda said.

“Am I?” Skye sat back down. “Thank you for your opinions, Shield May, but I do have more work to do.”

Melinda nodded. “Of course, my apologies.” She walked out and Skye winced. She handled that all wrong, but she had to keep Melinda safe. And to do that she needed to find out the truth.

**************************

3 more full spectrum tests from Jemma showed nothing. Hunting through all the files she could find, found her nothing. Skye was snapping at everyone who came near her and spending all her spare time in the gym. Training. She wouldn’t think about how she was mirroring Jemma’s 2am runs. It was completely different.

Melinda wouldn’t spar with her.

That didn’t hurt.

Coulson walked in. “Hey kid,” he said softly.

Skye kept punching the bag. “Hey, Coulson, your turn to chill me out?” She added in a kick.

“Nah, you are right to be pissed.”

That was the first thing to actually stop Skye in two weeks. “What?”

“I go to a sex dungeon and come home with files that change everything you ever knew about yourself. And I didn’t even bring a toy surprise back with it.” Coulson went and held the bag for her. 

Skye went back to punching. “Not sure I’d want any toy surprise from that place.”

“Well could have brought in Natasha and Clint,” Coulson said.

Skye shook her head. “No, we need them in the shadows.” She punched some more. “Want to go?”

“Sure, I handle Jemma’s runs, I think I can handle a few minutes on the mat with you.” Coulson put on gloves and moved over, stretching a little and bouncing on his toes.

“May is the one who trained me,” Skye pointed out. “Not going to be easy.”

“I used to spar with May and Widow. I can handle it.”

“You ever win against them?” Skye began to circle him.

“Oh dear god no,” Phil laughed. “But one time? One time I last a whole 7 minutes against May. 5 is my best with Natasha.” Coulson ducked and jabbed at her ribs.

They were quiet as they sparred, breath and grunts filling the room.  They were well matched, Skye had speed and agility, he had strength and experience.

Phil got her pinned. “You need to stop,” he said. “You aren’t just hurting yourself. You are hurting everyone. We will figure this out.”

And all the rage and terror that had been filling Skye, building up in her, poured out. She arched and twisted and pushed Phil off. She couldn’t see, couldn’t think, was just reacting. Skye started punching, kicking, gouging. Doing everything thing she could to defeat the enemy in front of her. She got herself on top of him and just started pummeling. She hit again and again. She thought she heard someone shouting but ignored it.

It was harder to ignore the bullet that buried itself in the wall a few feet away from her. Skye stopped hitting and looked down. She fell off of Phil and scrambled back away. “Oh god,” she whimpered. 

Phil was a bloody mess. He had stopped fighting back and just tried to protect himself as best as possible. It had been hit or miss. She could see the blood.

“Skye, get the fuck away from my shield right now, or the next bullet goes in you,” Jemma said. “And these aren’t icers.”

Skye scooted even further away.

Mack came in and helped Phil up. “Come on man, we need to get you cleaned up.”

“Skye, it’s okay,” Phil said. His voice was a little off, thick from a throat punch. “It’s all okay.”

“That is not for you to decide,” Jemma said firmly. “Go to medical with Mack. I’ll be along in a moment to fix you up. First I need to have a talk with our leader.”

She waited until Mack and Phil were gone. “You are done Skye. This is done.”

“I didn’t mean to,” Skye said. “I didn’t -”

“I don’t care!” Jemma said. “You fucking bitch.”

“Hey!” Skye stood up. “Watch it, I’m your boss.”

“You are out of control,” Jemma said. “Look at the mess you’ve made of yourself.”

“I’m fine,” Skye said.

“Yes, Phil’s face currently well shows your grasp on control and sanity.” Jemma never lowered the gun.

Skye swore and threw a water bottle at the wall. “What am I Jemma?” she shouted. “What is all this? Why did they give that file to Phil? Who am I?”

“Oh stop,” Jemma said. “Again and again? Who am I blah blah blah. Weeks you’ve been asking that. Weeks we’ve all been comforting you, trying to help you, and you choose not to let it sink in.”

“Well excuse me for having difficulty fathoming the fact that I am at least somehow part alien!” Skye moved closer. “That can be a lot to handle.”

“Like everything else we deal with here?” Jemma shouted. “Like the people we try to stop, the other 0-8-4s that we find, the fact that we are in the middle of a conspiracy that we can’t figure out? We are all struggling with who we are! You aren’t that special,” Jemma sneered. “Get it together.”

“Or what?” Skye asked. “You’ll run some more at 2am? Oooh that will sure show me.”

“At least I only destroy myself, not everyone who loves me,” Jemma countered. “You have a woman who would give you everything, take any burden from you. Who looks at you like you hold all the secrets in the world, and you push her away. When did you become such a fucking coward, Skye?”

“I’m a coward?” Skye moved even closer, until she put her own chest against the gun. “At least the person I like is in my bed.”

“I fail to understand.”

“Coulson is your property, just order him to eat you out, like we both know you want. It’s pathetic, like a freshman with a crush on her professor. Why don’t you go and play naughty girl who needs to improve her grades in a creative way?” Skye smiled coldly. “He would do it too, he looks at you like you are the perfect mid-life crisis. Seems like he’s in shape too, wouldn’t be a saggy guy, losing his breath on top of you. Go on, you aren’t as good as you want us all to think. Order him to fuck you and stop all this bullshit pining we have to all watch.”

Jemma’s smile was equally cold. She took a step back and hit Skye across the face with the gun. “You fucking twat, you don’t ever get to talk about him like that. Unless you want me to start talking about how maybe May should help you release tension a little more. Who cares that she hates sex, she really needs to step up and take one for the team, help you release some tension so you don’t release it on other people’s faces.”

Skye rammed herself into Jemma. “She’s asexual, I won’t rape her, you monster.”

Jemma looked at Skye. “You are telling me to rape Coulson, I thought this was what we did now.”

“Go to hell,” Skye snarled.

“It seems you are the one taking us all there,” Jemma said back.

“Stop!” Fitz shouted. He ran into the room. “You need to stop, everyone has heard this.”

Jemma and Skye looked at him. “How?” Skye asked thickly.

Fitz pointed at the wall where Skye had thrown her water bottle. “Something turned the broad channel on. All of this has been heard by the whole base. Mack sent me here to stop you two. You need to stop.” He looked at Skye. “You need to stop,” he repeated.

Skye couldn’t look at either of them. She got up and walked away. She could feel the people, her people staring at her as she went down the hall to her bedroom. She froze when she saw the bag on the bed.

“No,” she whispered. She saw some of Melinda’s clothes in it. “No, no, no, no, no,” she pleaded. She backed up until she hit the wall and she collapsed to the ground. “No, god, please no.” She began shaking and crying and soon she was screaming.

Melinda didn’t touch Skye, just sank to the ground in front of her. “You, Skye, are in our bedroom. It is 145pm, you are sweaty and covered in my friend’s blood. You had a horrible fight with your best friend that was broadcast to the whole building. And in the middle of all your madness you said you wouldn’t hurt me.”

Skye tried to slow her breath, to calm her pulse. It took a long time. “I’ve been hurting you. I’ve been hurting everyone.”

“You have,” Melinda agreed.

“You are leaving,” Skye whispered.

“We got word, an op. Everyone who wasn’t busy having a screaming match or getting patched in medical is getting ready.”

“I hurt Coulson,” Skye said. “Like a lot.”

“He bleeds easy, it looked worse than it was,” Melinda dismissed.

“Really?”

“No, you beat the shit out of him, but he’ll forgive you. He always forgives everyone. It is his great weakness. Endless empathy.” Melinda shrugged. “I’ve done worse to him over the years.”

“Lin, I’m scared,” Skye said.

Melinda finally approached and hugged her sweet girl, her heart. “Are you ready to let me hold that for you, just for a little bit?”

Skye nodded and sagged into Melinda’s embrace. “I love you, Lin. Don’t...help me not fall apart?”

“We’ll keep all the pieces together,” Melinda promised. They sat there in the quiet.

“Daisy is a nice name,” Skye said eventually.

“It is, but so is Skye,” Melinda said. “Daisy might be who you were, but Skye is who you chose.” She tilted Skye’s face up and kissed the tears away. “My Skye, my endless and glorious Skye.”

“Okay,” Skye said. “Okay, we’ll let it sort itself out. I’m Skye.”

“You are.”

“And she’s awesome when she isn’t losing her fucking mind.”

“She is,” Melinda smiled.

“I need a shower and then we get back to work.” Skye stood up. “Can you keep me company?”

Melinda nodded, she loved washing Skye’s hair. They went into the bathroom hand in hand.

Skye had so much to make up for, and she could start here, with Melinda.

***********************

Skye looked at Phil. His face was mostly healed, the bruises fading, only one butterfly bandage left. “I’m sorry,” she said.

They sat in the diner together, milkshakes and a huge plate of fries in between them. It was the only way she could think to apologize.

“I know, and hey, we’ve all dealt with heavy shit, right?” He dunked a fry into his shake and made a face. “So gross. Why do people in movies do that?” He ate another fry.

“You can’t just let it go like that,” Skye protested. “I was horrible.”

“Sure, but you know better me than Fitz or Simmons,” Phil said. “I’ve taken a spear through the chest, a few punches no big deal.”

Skye was ready to apologize more but a shadow fell over the table. She looked up expecting to see the waitress, but instead it was a woman.

A beautiful woman, curly hair, sweet smile.

And a lovely blue flowered dress.

“Can I help you?” Skye asked.

“Yes, Daisy, you can. You and Phil both,” she smiled at them. “And your cooperation will be most appreciated.”

Phil looked at her. “How do you know us?” He was reaching for a weapon.

“Oh I know more about you, Shield Coulson than you know about yourself,” she said. “And I want to talk to you about Tahiti.”

“It’s a magical place,” he said. He then wondered why he said that.

“Yes, we have some many things to talk about the three of us,” she said. She opened her hand and a cannister fell to the ground. She put on the small mask and in thirty seconds the whole diner was knocked out.

In another two minutes there was no sign left of Skye and Phil.


	13. Follow the Breadcrumbs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jemma pov with a bit from other people

Natasha watched her run. Seemed on the surface like she didn't care about her missing coworkers. But it was 2am. And she kept looking at the other treadmill. Natasha watched her a little more. She wanted to kill most of the people in the building for not respecting Phil enough, for what SHIELD had become but Clint and Fury had said she couldn't. Pity. It needed to be burned to the ground, the earth salted. But for now she had a mission. Natasha left the shadows went over and yanked Jemma off the treadmill and threw her across the room to the mats.

"You let Phil be taken," she snarled. They said no killing, didn't mean she couldn't have a little fun first.

"He was kidnapped!" Jemma crawled backwards away from Natasha. "How did you even get in, this is a secure building."

Natasha laughed. "Fury had me test every SHIELD facility. I can infiltrate any SHIELD building. We always had 2 ways in and four ways out, just in case."

"Things change," Jemma said and hit the panic button on the wall that she had crawled to. Natasha smiled at her and Jemma was terrifed. "Phil put that in," Jemma said.

Natasha watched her face as she said his name. In a blink there were a million emotions that were then buried down. "You are not worthy of him, in any sense." Oh that got the little one's back up didn't it.

Jemma stood "I am a doctor, a genius, and the creator of several life saving techniques and machines that I have no doubt saved your ass in the field at some point. In point of fact, from an intellect and value to SHIELD perspective I am more worthy than Phil."

"Do you really think that?" Natasha took a few steps closer, ready to break some bones.

"No," Jemma said deflating a little. "I think we are rather equal in value to saving the world."

"You aren't," Natasha said simply and watched her deflate a little more.

"I know you could crush me in two seconds, no matter what Phil has taught me," Jemma said and she smiled. "But I doubt that you can crush her."

Melinda stood at the gym door, gun steady. "Romanov," she said.

"May," Natasha replied.

"Oh lovely," Jemma snarked as she watched the two women leap and hug it out. "Just perfect."

Natasha held May close. "We'll get her back for you," she promised. "Get ready to move your team out. 10 minutes."

May just nodded and Natasha walked away.

"May, what is going on?" Jemma asked.

May shrugged. "I don't know, but Romanov says get the team ready to go in 10 minutes, that is what I do." She looked at Jemma. "Put together a kit of what you think they might need when we find them."

Jemma nodded and ran to her lab. Fitz was in there packing up a few things as well.  "Fitz the -" she didn't even have to finish the sentence and he was throwing what she wanted. They had been sliding back to themselves more and more. They were longer than 10 minutes but not by much and Mack came and got them and hustled them out. "Mack, I still need -"

"No, you don't. You don't keep Romanov waiting," Mack said firmly and guided them to the roof. Melinda was there talking to Romanov and Jemma couldn't see anything. "I don't understand."

"All here," Natasha said and the hanger door of a cloaked quinjet opened. "Get in."

Jemma went in and there was the man Phil had danced with in the cockpit. She watched May take the co-pilot seat and the two just sort of squeeze hands. Fine then, she got it. She went and sat down and strapped in. Natasha just watched her the whole flight. Jemma wanted to scream at the woman but knew she wouldn't survive the confrontation and it was clear who May would side with, and Mack would just care about keeping Fitz safe. She smiled a little at Fitz drooling on Mack, he always did fall asleep on flights.

It was a few hours and they landed and got into some SUVs. They drove along the coatline and eventually pulled up to a large house. Natasha was in front and Clint in the rear. The door flung open.

"Holy shit," Fitz said staring.

Tony Stark smiled at them, pale, sweating, clearly dying. "Welcome to my home, hear we need to find Agent before the bad guys filet him. I have toys." He turned and stumbled inside and they all followed in. A woman was in there, perfectly composed and gorgeous. "This is Pepper," he said and waved. "She'll do the thing."

"What thing, Mr. Stark?" Fitz asked. "Autograph?" he asked and Jemma smiled a real smile, just a little. 

"Sure, but no selfie though, not looking my best these days." Tony had to go and sit down and he was drinking some weird sludge out of a giant water bottle.

Pepper came over to them. "Palm print, will give you access to most of the house, and also acts as your signature for an NDA. We are keeping certain things...private." Jemma saw her lip wobble and then firm. "I understand that Phil Coulson has gone missing. He is a very good man."

"Skye is also missing," Melinda said.

"We know, we'll get her back for you," Clint promised, just like how Natasha did.

"This is where we'd be usually relying on Skye," Mack explained to the others. "She can always find anything with her computer. She would know how to find them. Always could follow a single breadcrumb to where we needed to be."

"And that's why they brought you to me," Tony said and tried for some of his old charm. He almost pulled it off. "Me and JARVIS don't even need that breadcrumb. Right J?"

"Of course sir, I am already searching SHIELD files," a voice said.

"AI," Natasha explained quietly. "While I was there I put a little helper on one of your computers."

Tony began to cough and waved off Pepper when she moved towards him.

Jemma couldn't bear to see someone hurting like that. "May I examine you?"

Tony spit some blood and smoothie sludge into a basket that was clearly there for that purpose. "Awww, you want to get all up close and personal with this? Sorry hun, not really up for offers right now."

"She's right," Fitz added. "We should look at you naked." Mack snorted a little and Fitz flushed. "Not for fun like I want to see you, for science."

"I get it Turbo," Mack said.

"Fitz and I would like to give you a medical examination," Jemma explained.

"Been to a Doctor," Tony shook his head. "Pepper's made me see 20. They can't stop what the arc reactor is doing to me."

"All do respect sir, they haven't been trained by SHIELD, and they haven't seen the weird shit we have," Jemma said. Fitz nodded.

Tony looked at Pepper who was begging him with her eyes to give it one more try. "Fine, let's go down to my lab," he said. "Pepper keep Clint from peeing on anything."

Pepper rolled her eyes. "Food?" she asked everyone and lead the rest to the kitchen while Tony took Fitz and Jemma downstairs.

Tony expected them to get distracted by all the shiny things down there, but he had never really encountered SHIELD scientists on a mission. Fitz and Jemma were already putting on gloves and opening their bags. "Shirt off, lay down on something, and a bright light would be handy," Jemma ordered. Tony shrugged and took off the shirt and tried to not look down. He was looking rather disgusting these days. He lay down and closed his eyes.

"My best guess is a month of decent functionality before my organs really start failing," Tony said quietly. "Been doing what I can to slow it down, to have more time with Pepper."

Jemma nodded and started to work on base readings of temperature and blood pressure.

"Schematics?" Fitz asked.

"Jarvis, pull them up for the kid," Tony ordered and on a screen the images appeared for Fitz. Jemma looked over and understood them a little, but knew he'd tell her what she needed to know. She did some palpitations watched his reactions.

"I need Mack," Fitz said. "Computer, get me Mack."

"Of course, sir," Jarivs intoned and a few minutes later Mack was there.

Fitz pointed at the schematic and just said, "Right?"

"What the," Mack muttered and moved closer. "I don't suppose you have a 3D render of this?" he asked Tony.

He had barely finished and a 3D model was projected. He and Fitz walked around it and muttered in that weird half talk they did with each other. Jemma kept examining Tony. "Your girlfriend seems quite in love with you."

"Not my girlfriend, we're just...us," he finished lamely. "A could have been."

Jemma gave him a look. "If I were dying, I'd want those around me to know how I felt about them."

"Then why did ye just jump out of an airplane and not say anything to me, just knock me out?" Fitz shouted.

"Fitz, it's called comforting a dying man, you lie when you do that," Jemma explained.

"Oh right," Fitz got back to muttering with Mack.

"I like you guys, would hire you in a second," Tony said.

"Thank you, but right now our priority is retrieving Skye and my shield," Jemma said. She stared at the casing around the reactor. "Wait, this can't be right." She looked at Mack and Fitz. "You are seeing this right?"

"Yeah," Mack agreed. "Ironman, you do any upgrades at all on this thing after you put it in?"

"Well on the reaction sure," Tony said.

"No, on the casing, the tin cup you jammed it into your chest with," Mack said.

"No, it's fine. I don't build shit."

"Yes, you did, if I can see it," Jemma pointed out. She went over to the guys and looked at the schematic. "There and there right?"

Fitz nodded. "He is an idiot."

"Excuse me," Tony said in shock. No one had every called him an idiot before. Well, aside from his father. And Pepper. And Rhodey. But that was different. Science people never called him an idiot.

"You've got wires crossed, and weak stressors, and it won't fix the problem, the arc reactor is going to kill you but we can buy you a little more time," Mack explained. "Guessing you need my hands, Turbo."

Fitz nodded. "Better but this -"

"Delicate," Jemma supplied and Fitz nodded. "Right, well Tony, lie down, we are buying you a little more time to figure out a better option than the arc reactor."

Tony stared at the three of them. "You can do that?"

"We're the best," Fitz said, confident in those words. "Now show me your tool box." Tony pointed to an entire wall and Fitz and Mack just lit up.

"Oh dear, they will try to steal stuff you know," Jemma said.

"Worth it," Tony countered. "You can really buy me more time?"

Jemma nodded. "I think so, the casing has some gaps, places that are acting as conduits to poison you, we can fix those and give you time to figure out another option."

"There are no other options," Tony said. "I've spent months trying to think of other options. They aren't there."

"Really?" Jemma said.

"I'd have to create a whole new element, new source of power that doesn't exist yet, that isn't possible," Tony protested.

Fitz and Mack came over with tools and started to set up. 

Jemma just shrugged. "Why not? You did the impossible once, can't be that hard the second time round."

"You ever do the impossible?" Tony countered. Jemma nodded. "What was that?"

Jemma got a distant look in her eyes. "Believe in an Agent of SHIELD again." She looked at her guys. "Ready?" 

Fitz looked at the schematic. "We start there," he pointed. Mack grabbed pliers and got to work.

**********************************

"Tony!" Pepper shouted when she saw Fitz and Mack helping him up the stairs, looking worse than he did before he went down there. "What happened?" Pepper glared. "What did you do to him?" She had no idea what to do. "Natasha shoot them!" was all she could come up with.

Natasha pulled a gun.

"They didn't -" Tony was gasping for breath, it was the most air that had filled his lungs in a month. "They helped. Just tired." Mack and Fitz put him on the couch.

"We were able to ease the pressure of the arc reactor on his chest cavity, fix a few leak points. It isn't a solution, but it probably bought him a couple more months," Jemma said beaming. "Fitz and Mack were remarkable, you see we had to -" Jemma stopped talking when Natasha's gun pressed gently against her forehead.

"You seem awfully happy right now," Natasha said.

"I gave a man a fighting chance at life, of course I am pleased," Jemma said and tried to not let her voice quaver.

"Do you care at all that Phil is missing?" Natasha asked.

"Nat, stand down," Clint said. Most everyone in the room was very still.

"Do you care?" Natasha yelled.

May walked calmly over and moved Jemma back a few steps and stood in front of the gun. "In the absence of her shield, I stand in his place," she said formally. "Acknowledge this Principle Simmons."

"Acknowledged," Jemma answered, scared out of her goddamn mind.

Mack looked at Fitz who gave a small nod and then moved so he was behind Melinda and in front of Jemma. "In the absence of her shield, I stand in his place. Acknowledge this Principle Simmons."

"Acknowledged."

"Why?" Natasha asked. "Why do you stand for someone who is happy to have you in chains? Who believes in this system. We can get Phil back and all walk away! Leave them to rot."

"Phil believes in her, believes that SHIELD can still be saved," Melinda said. "Maybe it can, maybe a few pockets can, but right now I just want to find my Skye."

"A child who owns you," Natasha sneered.

May punched her and Natasha fell to the ground in shock. May was the only one who ever could get the drop on her. "Do not insult Skye," May said coldly.

"Shit," Tony said in awe. "Can we keep her?"

Pepper just shook her head no. She was a little scared of May.

"I care," Jemma said quietly.

Tony looked at her. "Agent, is the thing you believe in again? He's your impossible thing?" Jemma nodded. "Well, now we gotta get him back. Not screwing anyone out of a chance at love."

"Love?" Natasha wiped the blood away and stood back up. "That is not love."

"No," Jemma agreed. "But it is something."

Natasha opened her mouth and then Clint was there wrapping careful hands around her arms. "Stop being angry and look, Nat. Look," he insisted. "Look at them."

Natasha glared but then looked at Phil's team. Looked at all their faces carefully, and relented a little bit. "I'll stop," she agreed. "Phil is the priority, the rest will be sorted after we get him back. Get him and Skye back," she added quickly so May didn't attack again.

"We don't own them," Fitz said. Everyone stared at him in surprise. "SHIELD does."

"Not exactly better Turbo," Mack pointed out. "And you function as an arm of SHIELD. Only you or Jordan can deactivate my bracelet." He smiled when Fitz reached for his arm. "Turbo it is monitored would bring down everyone on us." 

"Skye owns May, because she already owned her heart, the bracelet doesn't change how they belong to each other," Fitz said. "And you and I? I hate the system but you made me, make me, less crazy and one day I'll get to climb you like a tree, so I hate what it is but I can't 100% hate it? And I hate that I think that." Fitz frowned like he was trying to solve an equation. Mack went over and gave him a kiss.

"You think way too much, Fitz," Mack said softly.

"Aww, piano picture right there," Tony said and coughed and there wasn't any blood in it and he smiled. "And the good doctor there believes in Agent, which maybe means more than love, who knows? What we do know is that Jarvis's little light there is blinking furiously which means he has something for us."

"Yes, sir, I followed some breadcrumbs. I don't have a location yet, but I have a video feed. I am attempting to trace it but the system was well designed."

"Put it on J," Tony said and stared at the screen.

The screen stayed black.

"J?"

"Sir, Ms Potts might want to leave the room," Jarvis suggested.

"No," she said.

The screen came on. It was grainy footage and at an awkward angle. It flickered in and out before stabilizing. It took another minute for the audio to come in as well. Pepper let out a sob and ran from the room. The rest watched as Skye was shouting, screaming. She was chained to a chain, a good bit of blood in her hair and on her face. She kept cursing at a woman in a flowered dress.

Phil was on a medical bed, it looked like an MRI machine but not. They couldn't see his face but could hear him clearly saying, "Please let me die, please just let me die."

Natasha went up to Jemma. "Looks like whatever they are doing, is breaking him."

Jemma gave Natasha her coldest look, it was what Phil had seen when he first met her. Natasha was almost impressed. "Then I will put him back together," Jemma said. "I am very good at fixing broken things."

"What if he's too broken?"

"No such thing," Jemma said firmly. Jemma decided to ignore Natasha. "May, suggestions?"

"Find where they are, kill everyone not Phil or Skye, and get them home and take care of them," May replied not taking her eyes off of Skye.

"Acceptable," Jemma answered, technically the leader of their team with Skye not there. "Romanov, do whatever May tells you to do."

"I don't answer to you," Natasha said.

"May has how many more years as a specialist than you?" Jemma said. "I don't care that Phil was prepping you and Clint to be superheroes. I can about getting him back, and any plan that May creates will do that. We follow May's lead until we get my man back and I kill that bitch for hurting him." Jemma didn't look at the screen as she went to get fresh air, Phil's cries lingering in her head long after the video stopped. She stood there staring at nothing until Clint came and put a gun in her hand.

"Get some practice in," he said. "The focus will help."

"Do you hate me as much as her?"

"No," Clint said. He checked her stance and could see the marks of Phil all over Jemma. "But I see you better than she does."

"And what do you see?"

Clint smiled at her. "Nah, you don't really want me to answer that." He pulled out his own gun. "Count of three, that tree over there."

Jemma much preferred the sound of the gun to Phil's screams, though it couldn't quite drown out their echo in her head.

 


	14. Rescue

Phil was really mellow, the air was so clean and a bit of salt from the water. The sun was hot sure, but the cabana stopped the rays from burning. He felt hands on his back, the massage making him want to purr. “I carry my tension in my shoulders.”

“You carry a lot on your shoulders,” she said. “Don’t you want to let go of all your secrets? You’ll feel better.”

Phil opened his eyes. “Never pictured you as the bikini sort,” he said looking at Jemma.

“You pictured me in a bathing suit?”

Phil closed his eyes. “I’ve pictured you in lots of things,” he said. He sighed when her hands moved up and down his back. “Not going to tell you anything.”

“You will,” she said.

The vision of the beach was gone and Phil felt indescribable pain and like someone was poking needles into his brain. He woke up his head in what looked like an MRI machine and the woman in the flowered dress sitting next to him.

“Mr. Coulson, you have such an intriguing mind,” she said.

He couldn’t get enough air in his lungs. “Skye,” he managed to say.

“She’s fine. You have answers, Mr. Coulson to questions I have. It had taken me a lot of work to get to you.” She shifted a little on her chair and smiled at him kindly. “Don’t you want to know?”

“Know what?”

“Know what happened to you after you died,” she said.

“I was brought back, it was a few seconds, has happened to plenty,” Phil said. “Where is Skye?”

“Daisy is having a conversation.” She leaned forward. “And Phil, you know it was longer than a few seconds. You know you have seen things people shouldn’t. That they were never meant to.”

“I was dead for a few seconds and in recovery for almost a year,” Phil said. He sat himself up, “And her name is Skye.”

“Her name is Daisy and she does want answers.”

“No she doesn’t,” Phil countered. “She doesn’t have any questions.”

“Yes she does. Who is she? Why wasn’t she wanted?”

Phil smiles through his pain. “She is Skye. Our boss, Melinda’s love, hacker, and she is wanted by all of us.”

Raina touched his hand gently, like it was supposed to offer comfort. “You know that isn’t enough. It can pretend it is, she can pretend it is, but in the end she needs answers. We all need answers. Answers to questions like Tahiti.”

“It’s a magical place,” Phil said. “But I was in Jersey.”

“When you think about it, when you don’t deliberately ignore that door in the back of your mind, you know things don’t add up. Wouldn’t you like them to add up Agent Coulson.” Raina smiled at how he tried not to react to being called agent again. “Your friends hid a lot from you. Hill, Fury, there are far too many blank files about you in the SHIELD system. Isn’t it time we fill in the blanks?”

Phil looked at her. “A little mystery makes a man sexy.” His gaze hardened. “Now where is Skye?”

“Busy,” Raina repeated. “Agent Coulson. Everything that has happened has been because of you. Every step Jordan has taken is to bring you here to bring you answers. Agents have been slaughtered, tortured, because of that door in your brain.” She watched Phil pale. “Do you honour them by hiding the truth?”

“With the way you are pushing, with what he has done, anything I can do to keep information out of his hands honours them,” Phil countered.

“And what do you think is being done to Daisy right now? I hate physical persuasion, it is...well I find my own methods much more effective, but back ups are sometimes necessary.” She waved a hand and the guard in the room, a former agent turned on the screen across the way. Phil watched Jordan punch Skye who was chained to the wall. In the room there was the painting they had gotten and other drawings, all these circles and lines. And beside it an odd sort of metal statue. The picture was too grainy but he bet the statue had those circles and lines.

“You think I know how to open that,” Phil said.

“I don’t know, do you?” Raina asked. She leaned forward, but Phil wasn’t paying attention to her he was watching the screen. He was watching Jordan whip a belt against Skye. “But you lay down and go back in there and he’ll stop. You get the answers I know you want, and she lives.”

Phil finally looked at Raina. “I’m going to kill you.”

“Not Jordan?” This intrigued her.

“Skye or May will handle the thug. I’ll take the brains out.” 

Raina smiled. She wished she had more time to talk to Phil, he was so very interresting. “Lie down Agent Coulson and let it happen. Remember. Open that door.”

He lay down and watched as Raina nodded to the guard and he went down the hall. He slid back into the machine. 

Phil could smell the water and the frothy cocktail. “I carry my tension in my shoulders,” he said. He looked over and there was Jemma in a lab coat. “Tell me you weren’t a part of it.”

She had a bikini on underneath. “Don’t you want to stay here?”

“Very much. I hope you find me in time.” Phil looked at her. “I’m scared.” He then pushed the not memory away and soon was screaming “Please let me die, please kill me.”

“Push passed that, Agent Coulson,” Raina said, looking at the screen. “Remember everything.”

Phil screamed as the door in his mind cracked open, and the TAHITI project flooded in.

************************

Skye spit out a tooth at Jordan. “God, I am so getting off when May beats the ever living shit out of you.” She snarled when he just hit her again. “You are so fucking pathetic.”

“You think they’ll find you? Without your skills?” Jordan laughed. “Your team is good, but also designed so that if one or two key components go missing they fall apart. No you, no Coulson, they don’t find you.”

“They are coming for us,” Skye said, completely certain, “and you are going to die.”

“The file went missing, but I already knew you were special. I didn’t want to do this to you, but it will motivate Coulson. Your lives would have been so much easier if you had just given him to me when I asked. He should have been mine in the first place.” Jordan looked at her. “How did you even find him? Play the system like that?”

Skye just spit more blood at him and kept working her hands subtly in the manacles, like May had taught her.

He just laughed. “Raina will get answers from him, you know. She always does. Everyone thinks they can stop, but she just runs circles around you. She’ll get the answers we want.”

“She wants. You are just a pawn to her,” Skye said.

Jordan shook his head. “We’re a team.”

“You’re a tool for her, one she’ll throw away when she’s done with you.”

“I’m going to become a god,” Jordan yelled. “She promised. I have been making myself worthy all these months. I wasn’t meant for it like you, like her, but I am making myself so. I have gathered objects that will lead the way and bring us to the place where we transform.” His eyes were glazed with fervor. “I will be worthy.”

“You aren’t worth shit,” Skye said and yanked her arms down hard, the hook pulling out of wood and plaster. She kicked Jordan away and grabbed the weird statue thing ready to cave his head in with it.

He started to laugh. “See? Proof. Anyone else who has touched that with their bare hands has turned to black dust, and it lights up for you.”

Skye looked at it and sure enough the circles and lines lit yellow under her hand. No black dust, no death. Just warmth, belonging. “So what happens if I just drop it on you?”

“We find it out if I have become worthy,” he said and opened his arms wide.

Skye moved and heard Phil scream. “If you want this so bad, think I’ll just keep it then.” She kicked his head to knock him out and ran to save Phil, still in chains. She turned a corner and bumped into a guard. “Wow, where’d they build you?”

He was huge. And wearing one of the shield bracelets. “Come on, man, don’t do what they want. You work for SHIELD you can be better than this.” He just picked her up and threw her through a window several feet away.

Skye could feel the glass in her shoulder and knew that she had dropped the statue thing mid air. She tried to crawl back, to get it. Having it would stop Jordan, maybe let her bargain for Coulson whom she could still hear screaming. She crawled knowing she was leaving a trail of blood. She stopped when two boots appeared in front of her. She looked up. “Hi goon 2, you guys should really get numbers on your camo there.” She closed her eyes when he pulled out his gun. “May,” she whispered.

The shot didn’t come though, they both heard a car. They shouldn’t be hearing a car, not out in the middle of nowhere here, in this ghost town. They both looked at the SUV barrelling towards them. Goon 2 started firing and the SUV kept coming. Skye rolled a little more away and the SUV plowed into the man pinning him to the building which gave a little under the pressure.

“Were you just about to kill my Skye?” the voice said, deadly calm. Deadly.

Skye was going to love that voice until the day she died. Which was looking less likely that it was going to be today. Yay for that.

“Really, letting yourself get kidnapped, is that a good idea?” Jemma said as she crouched beside Skye. They both ignored the sound of punching coming from where the man was pinned. Jemma looked Skye over. “You are a mess.” Jemma flinched when Phil’s scream came from inside.

“Go,” Skye urged. 

Jemma shook her head. “Others are taking care of that. I’ll be in their way.” She helped Skye sit up and looked at the glass embedded in her. “Well, that is unfortunate.”

“Jemma, I can touch a doohickey that kills other people who touch it,” Skye laughed. “I’m an alien.”

“And I’m ambidextrous,” Jemma replied. She looked over and May nodded and left the guy who was very clearly dead. May pulled the car back and then came around to help Jemma pick up Skye.

“Hi, May,” Skye said. “I’m hurt.”

“I know baby, we’ll get you fixed.”

“Phil’s hurt more. Go kill everyone inside, okay?”

“Hawkeye and Black Widow are taking care of that,” May reassured her. “Mack is helping them.”

“That’s nice,” Skye said. “I’m going to pass out now.” She collapsed against May and they put her in the car. Fitz was opening bandages.

Jemma got in. “Drive,” she said.

“We can help,” May protested.

“We are,” Jemma said firmly. “Our job was to get Skye and get out. We have done that.” Jemma swallowed. It was killing her to not get Phil. “We have accomplished our mission and go to the rendezvous. They’ll get Phil. They’ll kill Jordan and that woman. Phil would want you to follow orders and get Skye to safety.”

Melinda nodded and spun out the SUV and drove them away.

*************************************

Phil was lying down, his head on Clint’s lap as Natasha drove. Mack was clinging to his shotgun. “I was dead for longer than a few seconds,” Phil said. He was pale, shaking.

“Yeah, boss,” Clint agreed. “You got whacked with some bad shit to bring you back. But you know we don’t care right? Like don’t eat our brains and we’re all good.”

“I’d starve on what’s in your head,” Phil managed to say and Clint laughed.

“Fury would know,” Natasha said. “But he’s been out of contact for a bit, searching for something. Hill?”

“No,” Phil said. “We need to keep this quiet. Can’t believe they got away.” Phil coughed and threw up some pile on the floor of the car and on Clint’s shoes. He figured revenge for all the times Clint got blood on him. 

“Easy choice, Coulson,” Mack said. “Save you or get them.” Mack felt Phil’s screams echoing in his head. When they had gone in, they had seen the others getting away but they had to get through a couple former agents who were clearly messed up and put on something. Phil had still been screaming. It had been a no brainer. “What did they do to you Coulson?”

Phil just shook his head and burrowed into Clint. Broken in a way they had never seen before. It scared them.

They made the rendezvous and Jemma came running out. She wrenched open the door and bit back a wounded sound.

Clint helped Phil sit up. “Come on, bet a shower would be great wouldn’t it boss?” He nudged Phil out and into Jemma’s arms. Natasha was going to protest but a look from Clint kept her quiet.

“Hi,” Phil said. “Skye?”

“We’ve attended to her injuries and May is looking after her. Mack, Fitz is worried about you.” Mack nodded and went into the cheap motel. “Will you two act as guard? I need to examine Phil before we go home.”

“You can’t return to the playground,” Natasha said. 

“It’s the best plan,” Jemma countered. “Jordan is done. What is going on at SHIELD hinged on him. Seeing what falls out with him gone is important.”

“He isn’t dead, he got away,” Phil said. “Him and the pretty lady who hurt me. Can you be a pretty lady who unhurts me?”

“Coulson,” Jemma was aching. “Phil.” She lead him into the motel. Natasha wanted to follow but Clint kept her outside, them on guard.

Jemma ignored the team and took Phil into the bathroom. She sat him on the closed toilet and started to check him over. There were no bruises or cuts. He was pale and his heart beat to high. She turned and put the shower on and waited until it was just short of scalding. “That should help.” Jemma went to leave and he grabbed her hand.

“Not sure I can stand,” he admitted.

Jemma helped him up and stripped him down to his briefs. She took off her clothes as well and they both stepped under the spray in their underwear. Jemma kept him steady under the spray, shivering a little since she wasn’t under the water.

Phil pulled her in tight and hugged her so the spray covered them both. His tears were quiet as they fell into her hair, he was too overwhelmed to make a lot of noise. He was almost relieved at the way her delicate fingers were pressing into his back, it kept him grounded, reminded him he was here.

“I’m a monster.”

“No,” she whispered against his chest.

“You don’t know. I have to tell you. You have to understand,” he pleaded. “You’ll have to be prepared. Jemma what they did to me -”

Jemma tilted back enough to cover his mouth with her hand. “You’ll explain later, in a proper medical facility.”

He looked down at her and moved the hand.  “You should be very scared of me right now.”

Jemma covered his mouth with hers this time. A firm kiss, lips wet from water and tears, his split a little from all his screaming and biting of them. “I’m not scared,” she said when she pulled away. Jemma rested her head against his chest and they stayed there until the water went cold.

At 2am Phil got up from the hotel bed and drew a bunch of circles and lines on the hotel stationary before he was satisfied. He put it in his pocket and went back to the bed, relieved Jemma hadn’t noticed him get up.

The next morning Natasha protested the whole time as Clint flew them back to the playground but Clint agreed with the team that they needed the resources and to see what was up now that Jordan had done a runner.

They all got out of the plane and were faced with a dozen men and women all armed. The team immediately put up their hands.

A man in a suit stepped through them.

“Mace?” Phil said in shock.

Mace smiled at him. “Coulson. In the absence of Jordan and several of his lackeys, and due to several interesting circumstances, I am acting head of SHIELD.” He gestured and a few of his men moved forward. They went to Coulson, Mack, and Melinda and keyed in the code and the bracelets fell to the ground. Coulson stared at his bare wrist. “Agent Coulson,” Mace said formally. “I could use a second in command. Interested?”

Jemma stepped forward and found a gun trained on her. 

Coulson stared at his wrist and then dropped to the ground, passed out cold.


End file.
